How to Date Without Losing Your Mind
By: Tasha Hough
Congratulations! You’re braving the dangerous, unknown land of *dun dun dunnnnnn* DATING. Seriously, pat yourself on the back because - whew, it is no walk in the park. It can seem so nice, precious, as well as easy, from the outside looking in, however, once you really enter that strange world, it is a whole different story that people never seem to warn you about.
Before we get into my tips on how to remain sane while dating, let’s quickly define what dating actually is:
For some people, it means to get to know a variety of people until things become exclusive with one. I.E) “I’ve been dating Mark, Christian, and Trevor. I’m not sure about any of them yet, but the dates have been nice.”
It could mean that you are just getting to know one person and seeing where it may lead. I.E) “Girl I’m really trying to see what’s up with Trevor. We aren’t official yet, but I like him a lot”
It could also mean being exclusive with the one person. I.E) “I’m dating Trevor. That’s my boyfriend.” *Insert super cheesy face here*
Dating could mean whatever else, to whomever else, but this is what I have gathered about it thus far. Also, people tend to mention sex when it comes to dating. Personally while dating, I try not to have sex at all so I can have a clear gauge on who I’m learning about. No one wants to be “dickmatized,” and then months later learn that they don’t even like the person. This can happen because of the almighty (possibly curved) peen that they were seemingly blinded by; I’m also grown though, so there are no rules. However, if I do have sex, for my pleasure, it would only be with one of the people who I am entertaining. I AM NOT HERE TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR BODY, just choose wisely. PLEASE.
Okay, so you’ve read this far because you don’t want to lose your mind while dating, right? Tips coming right NOW!!
How to Date Without Losing Your Mind
Get YOU together first.
I know that we all want to give and receive love, but I believe in order to really find love in a healthy way, that you have to truly LOVE yourself first. You can’t look for someone else to fill a void within you. I feel that you have to put in the work to find out everything you need to know about yourself, work on the things that you struggle with, the things that you need, and during that self-exploration, find and foster self-love and appreciation. With doing that first, you raise your standards, lower your tolerance to B.S, and make the conscious decision to never settle for less than you deserve. You thoroughly TEACH people how to treat you.
Find yourself some business.
I know it can be daunting trying to figure out where your love life is going but FIND YOURSELF SOME BUSINESS. We often see people jump into relationships and suddenly they become the person that they are with. Have your own likes, dislikes, friends, hobbies, goals etc. Have your own life is what I’m saying. I think that it’s important to allow who you’re dating into your life, but most often we tend to get so consumed in their lives that we lose track of who we are. I asked one of my friends what their favorite food was and they started with what her guys (who is no longer her guy) favorite was. My thoughts were ‘beloved, does he chew for you too?’ This happens and then you feel lost as hell the moment anything happens. That’s a strong no. Also, THEY GET TIRED OF YOUR ASS, SIS. Give that person some space.
Learn effective ways to communicate.
This is a must for life in general, whether dating or not, but it is certainly necessary while dating. Understand that no matter which level of dating you are on, that the person is not you. They are learning about you, like you are learning about them. Don’t assume that people are going to do things your way all of the time, and don’t assume that people know what’s going on in your mind. We are all adults, scroll up to the first point I made; find out everything that you need to know about yourself, and EXPRESS those things, as a closed mouth doesn’t get fed. With communication, make sure that you are dealing with someone who can properly communicate as well. Again, we are adults, so you truly don’t have to settle for ghosting. I’m not saying you have to or should be talking to the person of interest all day, every day… we are grown, busy & have our own lives…. buuuutttt in 2018 where EVERYONE is ALWAYS on their phones, I personally think a message here or there throughout the day isn’t bad.
It shows that you are actually interested. It shows you’re interested.
IT SHOWS YOU ARE IN-TER-ESTED.
Oh, and it’s courteous to see how someone is doing from time to time.
Flick your bean.
Don’t get caught up in the sex part of dating and stay bound to a situation that you don’t like but for the sake of the D, you’re stuck. Girl, naw. Get in tune with yourself. Buy a toy, get a yoni egg, hump a pillow (don’t look at your screen craze. I’m dead ass.) , do whatever it is to get you an orgasm so you’re not leaning on someone else for a feeling you can kind of give yourself. This is UNLESSSSS that is all you want from him; in that case, cool. If not, nah, don’t get “dickmatized” and hurt in the process, sis. Anddddd, when you know your own body you can help your partner please you better, OK?
Find ways to build up the life you want, without a partner.
If you want to travel, travel. Find hobbies that YOU like. Get your credit together. Focus on your career, school, and business. Whatever it is you want to do, focus on it and do it. When you do this, you and your partner will eventually pour into one another which is adding value to the both of you. Obviously, some things feel better with a companion, but what I’m saying is- don’t wait on someone to give you the things that you can give yourself for the time being. I strongly believe that once you are on the path of WORRYING ABOUT YOURSELF, someone who is for you will come along when you least expect it . The more you are out here just searching for companion without even searching for yourself, the more dubs you will get.
Understand from start that YOU ARE WORTHY.
Now, I’m not saying to have a full blown check list of things that you want or don’t want from someone, but the things that you know that you require, make sure that you receive them. You don’t have to go through trauma or any sort of B.S, to prove that you are down for this person. If he does not understand how to give you your basic needs, without putting you through emotional distress to prove to HIM that you are good enough, I suggest that you exit ALL of the stage left.
All in all, what I’m saying is LOVE YOUR SELF, work on yourself so everything will fall in line. Love yourself more than you love going crazy over potential partners. Don’t go crazy out here looking for love without finding love within you. I promise that once you find that within, things will get clearer for you overall. I won’t lie though, it does get extremely challenging to date, once you already feel complete by yourself. DO NOT LET THAT SCARE YOU.
I am whole by myself but I want someone to add to me. I don’t ask for much, so the things that I do want are non-negotiable. I find that some men are intimidated by that, as well as the fact that I am outspoken. A few have told me that they feel that I wouldn’t let them be a man or listen to them. Here’s the thing, despite being an alpha woman, I am very open to letting someone take the lead, and being submissive- FOR THE RIGHT ONE. Some people want to lead you right into stress, and debt. I think TF not.
Anywho, happy dating 😊 Keep your sanity, please.
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