Abolishing the N-word: A Personal Experience
By: Kwana Adams
When I was a child, I was taught that the N-word was a swear word like bitch or fuck, and I wasn’t allowed to say it. I once heard a non-black little girl say to another little child, “at least I ain’t a n*gga like you are.” I remember hearing an adult tell her that n*gga meant an ignorant black person, and she shouldn’t be calling people that. What does it actually mean, though? Does it even have a meaning?
I didn’t know what it meant at that point; I just knew from the way the little girl said it that it was an insult. As I got older and learned what the word meant, I never felt the need to use it myself, but I didn’t check people for using it around me. White friends of other friends would say it in front of me, then immediately begin apologizing- “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you!” I remember stating that I wasn’t offended, but on the inside, I was uncomfortable.
Beyond high school, I started asking my non-black friends and acquaintances why they keep saying it. I got annoyed when someone said, “and?” and then proceeded to explain what the word meant after I questioned their reasoning for using it. This was a non-black person trying to explain to me, a black person, what the n-word means. Now that I reminisce about those moments, I think to myself: “why were these people so comfortable saying that?”
When I got to high school, our faculty and staff tried to push the “Abolish the N-word” campaign. They even had posters in the classroom. No one took it seriously, despite the signs and constant reminders. After high school, I went to a predominantly white university. That feeling of discomfort started to come back when a majority of white people surrounded me. They tried hard to advocate for their right to use that word.
To me, it sounded like children only wanting to do it because they felt left out. I realized I didn’t like them saying it. It felt wrong coming from their lips, no matter the context. Even if they were just singing along to a song with the word in it, it disgusted me. My ears and my brain automatically take it as disrespect when I hear that word come out of a non-black mouth, and quite honestly, I don’t like it escaping from black lips either. I know it sounds corny as hell, but I do wish we would abolish the N-word. I wish we would all stop saying it.
I know that to some black people, it might feel powerful to reclaim a word and use it, so it doesn’t hurt anymore. I disagree with it, but I’m not one to tell black people how to feel. However, to me, it’s too close to the original word, and after learning that my grandparents were called that during their youth, I simply cannot allow anyone to call me that.
The term goes back so far, and it was created by white people to refer to our enslaved ancestors, so out of respect for them, I’ve opted out of adding it to my vocabulary. I now politely check people who use it around me, black and non-black. I let them know I’m not comfortable with them saying it around me.
Despite my discomfort with the word, I’m not trying to force any black person to stop using it. These are just my personal feelings on the word, and I am in no way judging any black person for continuing to use it. As for myself being referred to as a n*gga, I only have one thing to say: I am not a n*gga, and I am damn sure not YOUR n*gga. Thank you.
YOU MAY ALSO BE INTERESTED IN:
