Red for a Reason: Don't Ignore the Flags

Photo Credit: Shutterstock - SpeedKingz

By: Jamila Gomez

Ignoring red flags in relationships can be extremely dangerous and detrimental to one's emotional well-being. Red flags are warning signs or indicators that something may be wrong in a relationship, and choosing to ignore them can lead to a host of negative consequences.

One major reason why ignoring red flags is dangerous is that it can lead to a cycle of toxicity and unhealthy patterns. When red flags are ignored, it allows problematic behavior to go unchecked and can perpetuate a cycle of abuse, manipulation, or disrespect. This can have a damaging effect on one's self-esteem and mental health, as the person may start to believe that they deserve to be treated poorly or that this is normal behavior in a relationship.

Ignoring red flags can also lead to feelings of betrayal and a breakdown of trust in the relationship. When warning signs are ignored, it can create a sense of uncertainty and insecurity in the relationship, as the person may start to question whether they can trust their partner or if they truly know who they are. This erosion can weaken the foundation of the relationship and make it difficult to build a healthy and lasting connection.

Furthermore, ignoring red flags can prevent individuals from setting healthy boundaries and advocating for their own needs. When warning signs are dismissed, it can be easy to fall into a pattern of sacrificing one's well-being to keep the peace or avoid conflict. This can lead to feelings of resentment and unfulfillment, as the person may be constantly putting their partner's needs ahead of their own.

In some cases, ignoring red flags can also put individuals at risk of physical harm. Red flags such as controlling behavior, aggression, or substance abuse can escalate into dangerous situations if left unchecked. It is important to take these warning signs seriously and seek help if necessary to ensure one's safety.

Overall, ignoring red flags in relationships is a dangerous behavior that can have serious consequences. It is important to pay attention to warning signs and listen to your intuition, as it can help protect you from harmful situations and lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Remember that it is never too late to address red flags and take steps toward creating a safe and respectful partnership.

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There's Something Special About Black Love and It Should Be Celebrated

By: Jordan King

While February is proudly Black History Month, we also observe a special day for the celebration of love in all forms and fashions. When it comes to speaking about love within the Black community at large, this topic is so vast and at times controversial. Everyone (rightfully so) has different and conflicting perspectives. However, all of our people deserve and are entitled to love; especially when we have done that inner work to heal and be the best version of a mate for your significant other! 

To be able to love freely and unapologetically is a divine right. Love should not be complicated, however, naturally things happen. Now, for some reason when it comes to Black love; it’s not just complicated but complex. The presence of Blacks in America spans over 400 years yet somehow we have managed to maintain our kind. Traditionally, media has struggled with how to properly represent affection, care, and love when it comes to colored people. Often times our love is seen as too dramatic, toxic or situation based. Now of course that’s not to say that America misrepresents other cultures too.  

Admittedly; while my parents are divorced, I have been grateful to witness other examples of healthy relationships and marriages. Also it’s very important to acknowledge the valleys in various stages of relationships, as not every day will be easy or disagreements will arise. On the other side, people can eventually grow apart and lead cordial lives. Nonetheless, the goal of our generation should be to not only redefine the definition of love in modern times; yet also maintain the essence of what love has always been!

The illusion of options will unfortunately make it hard for us to be able to properly find their person. In the past, people were relegated to shorter radiuses to find their lifelong partners. However, this also can be a positive! For instance, two people that were meant for each other but maybe distance would’ve prevented them from ever meeting; could manifest a connection through the tools of technology.

While I do believe in the concept of “love is love”, as well as the idea that anybody can find their person within anyone else; there’s just something so unique about the love affair between two Black people, as well as the care and intimacy that they are able to show due to the combined history and lineage. Honestly, it is through the strife that Black people have experienced throughout our collective history, that we have been able to transmute that pain into an overall deep love and care. A force so mighty that when applied properly can be miraculous, as well as even generation binding.

Some, and hopefully more of you will get the chance to experience family reunions with true elders. Those that have the matriarchs & patriarchs that can truly pass on a long history, as well as being able to experience these people up close. One day, those elders (hopefully) will be us!

To be Black, is an honor; A birthright. The ability to find and maintain love while Black, can be challenging; however, ultimately so rewarding. There’s a very unique importance and aspect of love that can always be revealed and nurtured between two people from similar cultures.

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Relationship Therapy: 4 Steps To Help With Trust Issues In A Relationship

By: Alyssa Cole

Trust is one of the single most important things there is to have between you and another person. Whether it's your husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, friends, or even co-workers, having trust is important to the success of all healthy relationships especially a serious relationship. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you lost trust in someone? They lied to you about something? They kept something important from you? They weren’t honest with you about something that was impactful to you?

This is very common! You may see social media today quotes and tweets with people saying things like “I have trust issues”, “I’m afraid to open up”, “I don’t want to get close to anybody”, “I’m tired of being hurt”. Losing trust in someone special to you can seem like the end of the world sometimes and for many, it can take a long time to regain trust.

Lack of trust, however, is one the worst traits to have when you are trying to develop a new relationship or to save one. Many couples have experienced situations that created a lack of “trust” and the end results have been heartbreaking. Sometimes situations are better off ending, but the ones worth saving require a few steps to get back to that happy medium. Let’s discuss some steps to take when trying to learn how to trust again.

1) Switch Shoes - Switching places with the person that broke your trust to understand why they made the choice that they did, can be very beneficial to you. Have you stopped to ask yourself why they kept something from you? Was it to really hurt you? Was it intentional? Having an open mind to think about the other person’s mindset could help you get a better understanding of the situation.

2) Right Time, Right Place - When you’ve had time to think things through about the situation that hurt you, decide when is the right opportunity to bring the conversation up to find a solution. If you react too quickly, the relationship can suffer damages that may be avoided if you wait just a little while to think things out. There is a time and a place for everything, especially when getting back together.

3) Tone is Everything - The way you approach your first conversation after the situation can potentially determine the results. You could be having thoughts like "I don't wanna do this anymore" or "should I break up with my boyfriend" but take your time and think through. You’re already upset, you’re emotional, and possibly still gathering your thoughts even when going into the conversation, so choose wisely your attitude and volume when talking. When tension is high, there is a greater risk of escalation and it’s crucial to avoid any unnecessary conflict. Remember this is someone you care about! Even though you may be upset, remember to keep your cool, watch your tone, and respect each other’s space. Just talk it out; communication in relationships can keep you from breaking up with someone you love and ending a relationship.

4) Talk It Out, Move Forward - Once you have the conversation, the most important thing from there is to LET IT GO! This is the step that many people struggle with depending on the situation. How often have you heard someone say that they tried but they just couldn’t stop thinking about the past? No! No! No! If you let the past control your relationship, you could end up in a broken relationship! Be strong enough to let the situation go and move forward with them if it’s a relationship truly working saving. Even if you can’t accept the situation and remain close to the person, make it a goal to forgive them, to move forward, and to not hold a grudge over it. Remember that when you don’t forgive, you give the other person power over you. Don’t you want your power? Talk it out and move forward!

Without trust, no serious relationship can be stable, so as people we must learn how to trust and when we lose our trust in others, we must be willing to forgive and to move forward without holding on to past hurt. When you let the pain go, that is when you start to truly live and love again.

Lastly, take your time when healing to ensure that your trust in other's won't suffer in the future. The last thing you want to do is lose out on great people due to holding on to the past right? Remember, trust is key!

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The Social Pressure To Lose Your Virginity

By: Abina George

We are a nation obsessed with losing your virginity. We have countless movies centered around this concept of purity and the necessity to rip it away, which in turn has created a social pressure to lose your virginity. It’s the only way to purge the innocence and ignorance of childhood and begin to enjoy adulthood in its entirety. Or so the media programs us to think.

According to the media, adulthood is this magical time when a child matures and is finally able to enjoy the freedom and whims of adulthood. Movies like the 40-Year-Old Virgin feed on the fear of many that their life will be unfulfilled without intercourse and enforced the idea that those who aren’t sexually active are social outcasts.

>> SEE ALSO: Relationship Therapy: 4 Steps To Help With Trust Issues In A Relationship

Many have an abrupt realization that adulthood is not as glamorous as many would like you to think. The cost of a few intimate moments can result in STIs and possibly even pregnancy. Many women’s magazines encourage sexual prowess but neglect to list the dangers or the steps one needs to take to stay safe. Then connections with possible partners can be taxing. Some people just don’t mesh well together, and some are just out for conquests.

>> SEE ALSO: Shoot Your Shot: Why A Guy Gets Rejected

American culture dictates that one stipulation of happiness is to be sexually liberated. A person’s desire to prolong the beginning of a sexual life or pickiness of one’s partners is deemed prudish and bizarre.

Respect for a woman’s choice to keep her body to herself is scoffed upon. Many seem to view a woman’s body as a tool to be used by others. Sex is expected after receiving minor niceties. Physical labor such as housework is often understood as the price we pay for a relationship with a man. Overall, a woman’s body is commonly seen as something to be had and used by men.

Women should have the same rights as men. The problem is that most people don’t take seriously the mental and physical dangers involved in sex. A woman should not be ridiculed for making the same sexual choices as a man and more importantly, women should not be pressured into such a huge decision with various possible negative results.

A person has as much right to abstain from sex as those that chose to engage in it. Virgins should not be pressured into such a large event in their lives. For those who decide waiting until marriage is the right decision, that choice should be supported and accepted by peers as much as being sexually active already is.

Enjoy life without the pressures others place upon your body. Your body is yours alone and only you suffer the consequences of these decisions.

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Dating Advice: 4 Signs You're Dating Someone Emotionally Unavailable

By: Alyssa Cole

Are you getting to know someone who doesn't quite seem like their ready to let their guard down? Feeling constantly blocked out when a deep conversation begins? Are they struggling with moving forward to become serious with you? This type of person is not ready for a serious relationship. All of the these situations could stem from two words....EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE! 

This term has become a popular thing among the young generations when explaining why they just aren't ready to move forward. Everyone is different and has their different reasons for why they are emotionally unavailable, but am I the only one that gets confused when they do everything like a boyfriend/girlfriend, acts just like a boyfriend/girlfriend, doesn't want to see you with anyone else, but then comes back to you saying their not ready to actually be that special someone to you.

Yes, this can be very frustrating! What's worse is if you invest so much time into someone and don't catch the signs early. We are all just looking for someone who is also focused on growing together and build with so who wants to waste time right?! 

Want to know how you can detect if your potential love interest may be emotionally unavailable? 

>> SEE ALSO: The Social Pressure To Lose Your Virginity

4 Signs You're Dating Someone Emotionally Unavailable

The Freak - Watch out for this one. They will try to snatch your soul in the sheets quickly but when things start to get a little too deep and you become intimate with this person, they tend to slowly fall back and eventually take off.

When I'm Free - Now this one is the type that only wants to hang out or be sexual when they are in the mood and focuses more so on what they desire and not you. This one can be tricky to spot sometimes if you're dealing with a "nice person". They may come up with excuses as to why they can't do things on your time and even may disappear for days or weeks after just being cuddled up with you while watching movies. Crazy right?

 The Complainer - This person will talk about everything their ex did to hurt the relationship but won't own up to where they may have failed to make it work. They like playing the victim and may lack emotional maturity and display it by talking bad about their ex if you ask questions about the previous relationship. It's clear they aren't letting go of a relationship and is a big sign that they may not be emotionally ready for a new relationship.

The " I don't think/I just cant" person - Have they ever said things like "I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship right now", " I don't know how a relationship could work for me at this point", I don't think commitment is for me", or "I'm just not good at relationships"?  This person is letting you know without saying it that they clearly are NOT READY for a serious relationship. Do not be the person that wants to be a superwoman/superman and feel like you are just the person to fix all their problems. Don't do it!!! Pay attention to their words because if they are saying things like this, nine times out of ten, they probably mean it. 

 Pay attention to these types of people and signs you are experiencing. Ask yourself is this the type of person you're dealing with? If someone is emotionally unavailable you must understand that it can take time for them to fully move forward in a relationship. Is it something you are willing to accept? Or do you feel you deserve someone who is open to moving forward with you now?

Choose Wisely.

THIS ARTICLE IS RELATED TO: relationship questions, relationship advice, emotional intelligence, emotional abuse, dating problems advice, advice on love and relationships

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Commitment Issues: What Does Commitment Look Like These Days

By: Alyssa Cole

Scrolling down timelines on social media today with this new generation includes seeing selfies, fashion, quotes, and oh yea Love Memes! Or can you even call it that to be honest? You see a lot of “I wish I had this” or “All I need is that” type of thing not realizing that hey your mystery lover isn’t going to find you just from ten thousand retweet’s or reposts about what you wish you could find. Sorry!!! One of the best quotes about life that comes to mind is “Walk the walk and talk the talk”.

So many young people say one thing but when someone is right in front of them that may be just the person for them they get hesitant, fearful, sometimes skeptical, or even simply just realize their fear of commitment. Come Again?!!

Makes no sense some may say looking in from the outside, but our way of communicating as young people has changed drastically. The tv series “Grown-ish” really displayed it best for the young people. We lack communicating our feelings or make it harder than it needs to be sometimes.

We don’t want to come off too clingy but deep down want that person all to ourselves, we hate seeing that person with other people, but can’t seem to stand up and say “Look I like you and I want to see where this thing could go”. When did feelings become such a negative thing?! Some may blame the environment you grew up in. Divorce ratings are around 50% in likelihood of occurring in America to the average married couple and has been said to have an effect on children even down to the child not desiring in the future marriage or a long term committed relationship. Let that sink in for a second.

Now some may say that sounds crazy but from countless conversations with people, I’ve personally found that more people have said they don’t have any reasons to get married or have doubts about marriage and majority of these people have experienced divorce or separation within their households.

Now although this doesn’t relate to every person in this situation, it’s still eye opening to the impact it can really have on a person. Aside from divorce being a reason, some people just don't want to put in the effort to build something that grows into marriage or even worse, some people just have a ton of expectations or excuses why someone they've met or came across isn't right for them without really taking the time to give them a chance. Have you been guilty of any of these in the past?

As generations continue to grow, the traditional lifestyle fades out and new values and lifestyles slide on in. What will getting married look like in ratings in the next ten years? Will it turn around or will it continue to decrease? Will commitment become extinct at some point or will more young people see the value in it and try to put effort into something long lasting? Only time will tell right?!

One thing we all know is that effective communication in relationships is key agreed? So if we lose sight of how to do that, how can friendships and relationships last? In general, we are all trying to figure out how to become successful and live our best life! Just something to think about!

THIS ARTICLE IS RELATED TO: commitment issues, committed relationship, relationship commitment, relationship commitment issues, dating advice

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