When the Bond Breaks: When It’s Time to End a Friendship and How to Do It
Ending friendships is never easy, but some relationships must end in order for us to grow and mature! Here are some tips for recognizing when it’s time to end a friendship and how to do it respectfully!
By: Jamila Gomez
I’ve never been that great at building and maintaining friendships. Growing up, I was a loner. My experiences with Spina Bifida and the different ways the defect showed up in my life in the wrong places at the wrong times often left me feeling like I would never get to the place where I could ever harness real connections because I felt so abnormal.
There are a few people that I have known since childhood who have stuck with me all this time and we’re all pushing 40. And even recently, I have been able to make a few connections that stuck. At least, they stuck for a while.
As I’ve gotten older, my personal definition of friendship has taken on a deeper meaning than it used to. Before, I simply wanted to be around people I had things in common with that I could go out and have fun with. Then I grew more introverted than I am now and it just became a desire for people I had things in common with. Overtime, I began to notice that the adhesive on these bonds was not as strong as I thought it was and these bonds began to break.
The severing would start to take place when real-life situations began to show up in our lives. One friend would begin a new romantic relationship and I was pushed to the side. But when she was bored or her relationships ended, she then had time. But then there would be times when I would feel a little down for whatever reason and just needed someone to talk to but ended up having to deal with it by myself.
Then there is the friend of a different race with whom we can bond over music but can’t talk about the racial divide and what we can do together to try and stop it. It can feel really lonely when you feel like you are the only one among your people who truly cares and I have found myself in this lonely place with her on many occasions.
Things like this may sound trivial, but to me, they were red flags. I needed more out of my friendships than just someone I can go to lunch with or talk about music with. I needed friends I could do life with. Ones I could at least talk about life with. Sure, we can hang out and go places and have fun. That’s part of it. But I needed more than just lunch.
I needed friend with whom I could travel the world with. Friends I could celebrate milestones with. Big events. Triumphs. But also those who’d hold each other down when things get rough. Friends who live by “check on your strong friends”. When I realized what I needed was not what I actually had, it was time to make some changes.
Ending friendships is never easy, especially when it wasn’t easy to obtain them to begin with. It takes quite a bit of introspection and being honest with yourself and what you know you need. And not just what you need, but also what you have to give. Friendships are reciprocal and the friend shouldn’t be the only person doing the giving. You have to give also. But it is important that don’t deprive yourself of the things you need from a friendship. And if you know you’re not being fed the way you would like, perhaps it’s time to reevaluate.
Another thing to be mindful of regarding whether or not a friendship needs to end is if the bond feels stagnant. As we grow as individuals, the friendships we have should evolve and mature as well. If you both are growing but the friendship isn’t, it’s a sign that you are growing in different directions. And it’s okay. Your life isn’t over just because a friendship is. It just means that, that chapter in your life is done and it’s time to start a new one.
The way one goes about ending a friendship is really up to that person. While it’s not the most respectful thing to ghost the person, some may find it better to avoid confrontation, arguments, and mind-changing. Otherwise, perhaps you may want to sit down with the friend to get the concerns off your chest. No need to go into grave detail, but if you need to give a brief telling of why you need to cut ties, at least the other person can have that closure.
Take as much responsibility and accountability as you can. Avoid placing blame on the other person unless they have offended you. If that is the case, let them know of the offense, but still be responsible for your own feelings.
When all is said and done, both of you will need time. It’s okay to mourn and grieve over the end. Make sure you take care of your feelings and emotions during the grieving process. But allow yourself to feel what you need to feel. Chances are it’s going to hurt. Let it hurt, but then let it heal. Remember that you can always build new bonds with new people.
YOU MAY ALSO BE INTERESTED IN:
SHARE TO SOCIAL MEDIA
Moving Forward | It's Time To Grow And Let Go
They say that you can literally feel when you are moving into the next chapter of your life---when you are growing. It’s to move in alignment with what makes you happy and uplifts you!
By: Sydni Hatley
They say that you can literally feel when you are moving into the next chapter of your life---when you are growing. We all love the idea of growth, evolving, and becoming the best version of ourselves, but sometimes growth is hard because it means letting go of certain people, habits, and mentalities that we’ve grown comfortable with but that no longer serve us.
It is called growth because you are moving into the next phase of your life, and not everybody and everything can come with you. Thus enters the concept of “growing pains”, because the process of letting go of the familiar can hurt, but once it is said and done, and you are on the other side, the fruits of that labor will always be worth the release.
When you know it is time to let go of something, (a relationship, a friendship, a job, a certain lifestyle, etc.), everything in your life will seemingly start to point it out. The signs will be everywhere. The concept of severing ties with things that no longer serve where you are going will become apparent, making themselves clearer and clearer each time you avoid this truth.
The purpose of our existence in this life is literally to evolve in mind, body, and spirit. We cannot grow in physicality but remain stuck in the same circumstances that hold our minds and spirits back from maturing as well. Growing pains themselves (which are the actual process of letting go) are a trial to see if you are ready to take the next steps necessary to achieving personal freedom and happiness---but no one can take those steps but you.
A lot of times when it comes to the need to outgrow toxic situations of any kind, there will be many tests to hold you back. For instance, if it is a toxic relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend, they may see you starting to outgrow them and try to trap or manipulate you into staying. If it is a toxic friend, they may do the same. DO NOT stay out of fear of being alone, or anything else.
Growth and maturation is about strengthening the mind and aligning the mind with your own discernment. Seeing a situation that no longer serves you is the first part, acting on that situation for the betterment of your life is another. You must remain steadfast in your purpose, and trust that you are going further without them than with them.
We always see testimonies about how healthy people are once they began prioritizing their own life and happiness, and we as people long to have that ourselves. The reality is, it takes a lot of work to even get to that space of inner peace and true tranquility. You must identify the things that uplift you vs. drag you down, and that process can be simple if you let it be. Accepting them is the second hardest thing to do. Moving on from them is the first.
The key is to focus on yourself, focus on your journey and how YOU’RE feeling. Try to move in alignment with what makes you happy and uplifts you. Remove anything and anyone from your life that does not. The best thing you can do when it’s time to close a chapter of your life is honor your intuition, know your worth, focus on where you want to go, and don’t look back at the things or people that you know won’t get you there.
YOU MAY ALSO BE INTERESTED IN:
SHARE TO SOCIAL MEDIA
Zodiac Compatibility | Learning Your Love Compatibility Through Astrology
There are many different astrological aspects that influence who we are and how we operate in relationships. Learning your natal chart and the astrological aspects of your character will help you better understand yourself and your compatibility in love.
By: Sydni Hatley
Many people base friendships, relationships, and their general understanding of others off of the zodiac sign assigned to them at birth (the proper term for this is “Sun sign”). The Sun sign is in fact the most common thing people associate themselves with when it comes to astrology, but what people don’t realize is that just like we have many different qualities that determine who we are, there are many different astrological aspects that influence who we are as well.
One example of how much this makes a difference in our lives is in the area of love. A lot of times when people first meet and gage their compatibility with a potential partner, they are basing this compatibility solely on their sun signs (which describes their basic nature and personality traits), instead of equally looking at their venus sign (how they typically operate when in love and relationships), as well as their Moon sign (how they express and deal with their innermost emotions).
The Sun, Moon, and Venus signs are only three of eleven signs that make up the entire birth chart of a person. It is important, as one continues to learn about astrology, that they understand how each planet is responsible for a different part of their character. Also, depending on the sign linked to that respective planet, it will determine how one acts in that area.
As it pertains to love, the more important planets that will help determine compatibility are in fact the Sun, Moon, and Venus signs. The Sun sign is important as it pertains to love because it determines the core qualities that make you, you. For instance, if you are a Scorpio, are you typically very honest, loyal, or a private person? If you are an Aries, are you typically fiery? A leader? These are aspects to your character that are at the core of your being, and remain the most constant.
The Moon sign is important too as it pertains to love, because it shows your partner who you are when nobody's watching. It gets rid of any facades and lets your partner know who you are when you’re the most comfortable. For example, if your moon is in Leo you’re typically a lot more emotional than people think, and you may tend to be dramatic.
Finally, the Venus sign is important because it helps determine the type of person you are in relationships. For instance, if your Venus is in Virgo you could say that in relationships you are a bit critical of your partner but devoted, and/or a bit of a perfectionist. Overall, people use the sun sign alone thinking that it is the only indicator of their compatibility with someone, but there is a whole other world of areas important to a relationship that are influenced by astrology.
A final aspect that should be mentioned as it is just as important when it comes to love and relationship compatibility is the planet of Mercury: the planet of communication. Whatever a potential partner’s sign in Mercury is will help determine their style of communication. For example, my friend’s Mercury is in Sagittarius, and they typically communicate in a scattered, fleeting manner. Coincidentally, this is a quality of people who’s Mercury is in Sagittarius. Your communication style matters when thinking about compatibility with your partner as healthy communication is essential for a successful relationship. It is great to have a nice general vibe with someone but if they cannot communicate in relationships it won’t go anywhere.
Learning your natal chart and the astrological aspects of your character will help tremendously in better understanding yourself both in love and in life. You can calculate your natal chart easily by making sure you know your birth date, birth time, and exact birth location (city and state). Once you have these three things, you can unlock a whole new world of understanding, making life so much easier for yourself in the long run. Hopefully this information will make finding the perfect match a lot more fun and exciting!