Falling Back in Love with Yourself After a Toxic Relationship
Reclaim your self-worth after a toxic relationship by embracing self-awareness, self-care, and self-compassion to fall back in love with yourself. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
Emerging from a toxic relationship can feel like escaping a storm—disoriented, drained, and unsure of who you are anymore. Toxic relationships often chip away at your self-esteem and self-worth, leaving behind emotional scars. However, while the aftermath may feel overwhelming, this period also offers a powerful opportunity: the chance to fall back in love with yourself.
The journey begins with self-awareness. Toxic relationships often blur boundaries and leave you questioning your own identity. Start by reconnecting with your likes, dislikes, passions, and values. What makes you happy? What lights you up? Reflect on what you’ve learned from the experience—both about yourself and the relationship. Forgive yourself for any perceived mistakes and understand that choosing yourself now is an act of courage.
Next, focus on self-care. Toxic relationships can erode your physical and mental well-being, so prioritize healing both. Whether it’s nourishing your body with nutritious food, engaging in physical activity, or simply getting enough rest, take small, consistent steps to care for yourself. On an emotional level, explore mindfulness techniques like journaling, meditation, or therapy. These tools can help you process your feelings, build resilience, and rediscover your inner strength.
Another key aspect of falling back in love with yourself is setting boundaries. Toxic relationships often involve a lack of healthy boundaries, so relearning how to protect your energy is crucial. Establish clear limits in your personal and professional relationships, ensuring that you prioritize your own needs and well-being.
Rebuild your confidence by rediscovering the things you’re good at. Maybe you’ve always been a great cook, a talented artist, or a thoughtful listener. Engaging in hobbies or learning something new can help you regain a sense of accomplishment and self-worth.
Finally, practice self-compassion. Falling back in love with yourself is not an overnight process. There will be days when self-doubt creeps in, but remember that healing isn’t linear. Speak to yourself with kindness and patience, as you would a close friend. Celebrate small victories along the way, no matter how minor they may seem.
Reclaiming yourself after a toxic relationship is a profound act of self-love. With time, you’ll not only heal but also come to appreciate your strength, resilience, and capacity for growth. This new chapter is yours to write—and you’re worth every ounce of love you give yourself.
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Therapy in Black Relationships: Breaking Stigmas Around Mental Health and Love
Therapy is helping Black couples break cultural stigmas, heal generational wounds, and build stronger, healthier relationships rooted in love and understanding. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
In Black communities, mental health conversations have often been overshadowed by cultural stigmas, societal pressures, and generational trauma. When it comes to Black relationships, these barriers can create cycles of misunderstanding, unhealed wounds, and emotional disconnection. However, therapy is increasingly being embraced as a tool to strengthen love, foster communication, and heal both individually and collectively.
For decades, therapy has been stigmatized in Black communities, often perceived as a sign of weakness or something only “crazy” people pursue. This misconception has been compounded by systemic racism within the mental health field, a lack of culturally competent therapists, and the idea that faith or family should be enough to address emotional struggles. These attitudes often find their way into relationships, where vulnerability is seen as a liability rather than a strength. Many couples internalize pain, resort to silence, or repeat unhealthy patterns they’ve inherited, leading to fractured relationships.
However, as conversations about mental health become more mainstream, Black couples are beginning to see therapy as a powerful resource for cultivating healthy, lasting love. Therapy provides a safe space to unpack individual traumas and explore how these impact the dynamics of a relationship. For example, a partner who grew up in a household where emotions were suppressed might struggle to communicate their needs, while the other may feel neglected or misunderstood. A therapist can help couples identify these patterns, develop empathy, and practice new ways of relating to one another.
Importantly, therapy doesn’t mean a relationship is broken. Many Black couples are using therapy proactively, not as a last resort. Premarital counseling, for instance, allows partners to align on values, expectations, and conflict resolution strategies before problems arise. Others turn to therapy to heal from specific challenges, like infidelity, financial strain, or unresolved grief.
The rise of Black therapists and culturally sensitive approaches to mental health care has also played a key role in breaking these stigmas. Black couples now have greater access to professionals who understand the nuances of their experiences, including racism, cultural identity, and the intergenerational effects of systemic oppression.
Ultimately, therapy is an act of love—for self and for each other. By normalizing seeking help, Black couples can break cycles of pain and create a legacy of healthy, resilient love. Healing together is not only possible but revolutionary.
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The Power of Not Going Back
Choosing not to return to what hurt you is a powerful act of self-love that promotes healing, personal growth, and emotional freedom. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
At some point in life, we’ve all faced moments where we’ve been deeply hurt. Whether it’s by people, places, or situations, these experiences can leave lasting wounds. What’s important, though, is not just how we heal but also the decisions we make moving forward. One of the most empowering choices we can make is to not go back to what hurt us.
Here’s why breaking free is so crucial for your personal growth and well-being.
1. Healing Isn’t Linear, But Reopening Wounds Sets You Back
Healing from emotional pain is a process. It’s not always smooth, and there will be ups and downs. However, when you go back to the environments, people, or situations that caused the pain, you risk reopening wounds that were starting to heal. Imagine a physical wound—each time you tear it open, it takes longer to close. Emotional scars work the same way. Returning to a toxic person, an unhealthy relationship, or a damaging environment may undo the hard work you’ve put into your recovery.
2. Growth Requires New Spaces and Connections
To grow as individuals, we need to challenge ourselves, learn, and experience new things. Growth seldom happens in places of comfort, and it almost never occurs in environments that suppress our potential. When we return to toxic people or situations, we often fall into old habits and mindsets. It’s difficult to move forward when you’re stuck in the past, constantly replaying hurtful scenarios.
New people and new spaces bring fresh perspectives. They encourage you to think differently and explore parts of yourself that you may have neglected or buried in painful environments. By staying in situations that hurt you, you’re limiting your growth and denying yourself the chance to thrive in healthier, more positive spaces.
3. You Deserve Peace and Respect
One of the hardest lessons to learn is that not everyone and everything deserves your time and energy. When you keep returning to people or situations that have consistently hurt you, you’re indirectly telling yourself that you don’t deserve better. But you do.
You deserve relationships that are based on mutual respect, where you feel safe, valued, and understood. You deserve to spend time in environments that uplift you, not ones that drain your energy or make you feel small. Recognizing your own worth and respecting your boundaries is key to building a life where peace and contentment are the norms, not the exceptions.
4. Breaking the Cycle of Toxicity
Often, going back to hurtful situations feels familiar. It may even feel easier than starting fresh because we get used to certain patterns of behavior, even if they’re harmful. But this cycle of toxicity can be devastating for our mental and emotional health.
Each time you return to a toxic person or situation, you’re reinforcing the belief that this is what you deserve, and you become more entangled in a web of pain, resentment, and frustration. Breaking free from this cycle is a powerful act of self-love and strength. It says, “I am more than this pain, and I am not defined by this experience.”
5. The Fear of the Unknown Is Temporary, but Freedom Lasts
One of the main reasons people return to hurtful situations is fear—fear of being alone, fear of the unknown, or fear that there’s nothing better out there. But the fear of the unknown is temporary. What feels uncomfortable at first will gradually become empowering as you start to realize that there is a world beyond the pain. New opportunities, relationships, and experiences are out there waiting for you, but you can only find them if you’re willing to let go of what no longer serves you.
Stepping into the unknown is a form of liberation. It allows you to explore new paths, discover new strengths, and ultimately create a life where you are not weighed down by the burdens of the past.
6. Trust in Your Ability to Rebuild
Sometimes we go back to painful situations because we think it’s too late to start over. We convince ourselves that we’ve invested too much time, energy, or love into something to let it go. But the truth is, no investment in your well-being is ever wasted. Walking away doesn’t mean failure; it means choosing yourself.
You have the strength to rebuild. It may be slow, and there will be moments of doubt, but each step forward is a victory. Trust in your ability to create something new and better. By not going back to what hurt you, you’re giving yourself the chance to rebuild a life that is aligned with your values, desires, and emotional well-being.
Choose Freedom, Not Familiar Pain
It takes immense courage to walk away from people, places, and situations that hurt us. Familiarity can often trick us into thinking we should stay, but it’s essential to remember that comfort isn’t always good for you. Growth, healing, and self-respect often require making the hard choice to leave behind what no longer serves you.
By choosing not to go back, you’re prioritizing your mental and emotional health, investing in your personal growth, and creating space for better things to enter your life. The path forward may be unknown, but it is a journey toward freedom, peace, and self-love—a journey that you are more than capable of walking.
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Don’t Go Back to What Broke You
For healing and growth, it is vital to let go of what has hurt you in the past. Refuse to be tempted to return to that pain and embrace your journey towards a healthier and more fulfilling future. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
Life is a journey filled with twists and turns, some of which can lead us into dark and painful places. Whether it's a toxic relationship, a destructive habit, or an unhealthy environment, many of us have experienced situations that left us broken. The process of healing from these experiences is difficult, but the temptation to return to what once broke us can be even harder to resist. It might seem easier to go back to the familiar, even if it's harmful, rather than face the unknown of moving forward. However, it's essential to remember that going back to what broke you will only hinder your growth and keep you trapped in a cycle of pain.
The Comfort of Familiarity
One of the reasons people are drawn back to what hurt them is the comfort of familiarity. Our brains are wired to seek out what we know, even if it’s not good for us. A toxic relationship, for instance, might feel like home because it’s what we’ve grown accustomed to. The idea of leaving that behind can feel like stepping into a void, where nothing is certain.
However, familiarity is not the same as safety. Just because something is known doesn’t mean it’s good for you. The discomfort of the unknown is a small price to pay for the freedom and peace that comes with leaving behind what broke you.
The Illusion of Change
Another powerful lure to return to what broke you is the hope that things have changed. You might think that people, situations, or environments have improved or that you’ve grown strong enough to handle them differently. While it’s possible for people and circumstances to change, it’s important to be realistic.
Change takes time and effort, and it’s not always guaranteed. More often than not, going back to what broke you means returning to the same patterns and behaviors that caused you pain in the first place. It’s crucial to assess whether genuine change has occurred or if you’re simply holding onto the hope that things will be different this time.
The Cycle of Brokenness
Returning to what broke you often results in a vicious cycle. You find yourself back in the same situations, repeating the same patterns, and experiencing the same pain. This cycle can be exhausting, eroding your self-esteem and making it harder to break free each time.
Breaking this cycle requires courage and a commitment to your own well-being. It means recognizing that you deserve better than the hurtful situations you've experienced and that you have the power to create a different future. By refusing to go back, you disrupt the cycle and open up space for healing and growth.
Self-Worth and Boundaries
Not going back to what broke you is an act of self-love. It’s a declaration that you value yourself enough to protect your peace and well-being. This requires setting and enforcing boundaries, which can be challenging, especially if you’re used to putting others’ needs before your own.
Setting boundaries means understanding your limits and refusing to compromise them, even if it makes others uncomfortable. It’s about prioritizing your mental, emotional, and physical health over the desire to please others or maintain the status quo. In doing so, you create a safer and healthier environment for yourself, one where you can thrive rather than just survive.
The Strength in Moving Forward
Moving forward after being broken is an act of immense strength. It takes resilience to walk away from something that once had a hold on you, and even more strength to keep moving in a new direction. Each step forward, no matter how small, is a victory.
In moving forward, you reclaim your power. You’re no longer defined by what broke you, but by how you chose to rise from it. This journey of self-discovery and growth may be difficult, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. As you move forward, you’ll begin to see the possibilities that lie ahead, rather than the pain that lies behind.
Embracing the Unknown
The future can be daunting, especially when it’s uncharted territory. But it’s in the unknown that we find new opportunities, experiences, and connections that can bring joy and fulfillment. Embracing the unknown means trusting that there’s more for you beyond what broke you—more love, more happiness, and more peace.
While it’s natural to feel fear when stepping into the unknown, it’s important to remember that growth happens outside of your comfort zone. By choosing not to go back to what broke you, you’re giving yourself the chance to grow into the person you’re meant to be, free from the shadows of the past.
Choosing Yourself
At the heart of the decision not to go back to what broke you is a simple yet profound choice: to choose yourself. Choosing yourself means prioritizing your healing, your happiness, and your future over the familiar pain of the past. It’s about recognizing your worth and refusing to settle for anything less than you deserve.
Life is too short to spend it in places or with people that break you. The path forward may be uncertain, but it’s filled with the potential for healing, growth, and joy. So, choose to move forward. Choose to leave behind what broke you. Choose to create a life where you can truly thrive.
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Healing Through Words: How Journaling Can Help You Heal from Trauma
Learn the healing power of journaling to overcome trauma, process emotions, and reclaim your life with these essential tips. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
Trauma leaves deep, invisible scars that can affect every aspect of your life. Whether it's the result of a single overwhelming event or a prolonged period of stress, trauma can linger, influencing your thoughts, behaviors, and overall well-being. Healing from trauma is a complex journey, often requiring time, support, and various therapeutic approaches. Among these, journaling stands out as a powerful tool for recovery—a way to process emotions, gain insight, and ultimately, find peace.
The Power of Putting Pen to Paper
Journaling is more than just writing down thoughts—it's an active process of self-reflection that can unlock deeper understanding and emotional release. When you journal, you create a private space where you can safely explore your feelings, thoughts, and memories without judgment. This act of writing can be profoundly cathartic, helping to alleviate the weight of unspoken emotions and providing a sense of control over your narrative.
How Journaling Helps Heal Trauma
1. Processing and Understanding Emotions: Trauma can create a whirlwind of emotions—fear, anger, sadness, and confusion. These emotions, when left unaddressed, can become overwhelming and difficult to manage. Journaling allows you to name these feelings, understand their origins, and gradually diminish their intensity. By writing about your experiences, you give form to the formless, which can make the emotions feel less intimidating and more manageable.
2. Creating a Coherent Narrative: One of the hallmarks of trauma is the disruption of your personal narrative. The event or events that caused the trauma can fragment your sense of self, leading to feelings of disorientation and disconnection. Journaling helps you piece together these fragments, creating a coherent story of your experiences. This process can help you make sense of what happened, integrate it into your life story, and begin to reclaim your identity.
3. Releasing Pent-Up Emotions: Trauma often leads to the suppression of emotions, either because they are too painful to confront or because you feel the need to maintain a facade of normalcy. Journaling provides a safe outlet for these emotions. When you write about your anger, grief, or fear, you release the tension these feelings create in your body and mind. This emotional release can be incredibly freeing and is an essential step in the healing process.
4. Gaining Perspective: When you're in the midst of dealing with trauma, it's easy to feel trapped by your emotions and experiences. Journaling can help you step back and gain a broader perspective. Over time, as you read back through your entries, you may notice patterns, changes in your thoughts and feelings, and progress in your healing journey. This perspective can offer hope and a reminder that healing is possible.
5. Empowering Yourself: Trauma often leaves you feeling powerless, as if you have no control over your life or your emotions. Journaling is an empowering act because it puts you in the driver's seat of your own story. You choose what to write about, how to express your thoughts, and how to frame your experiences. This sense of agency is crucial for rebuilding self-esteem and confidence after trauma.
6. Reducing Symptoms of PTSD: Research has shown that expressive writing, a form of journaling, can reduce symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). By writing about traumatic events in a structured way, individuals can begin to process the trauma more effectively, reducing the intensity of flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and other PTSD symptoms.
Tips for Effective Journaling
Be Honest with Yourself: Your journal is your private space, so be as open and honest as you can. Write about your true feelings, even if they are difficult or uncomfortable.
Don’t Worry About Grammar or Structure: Journaling is not about writing well; it’s about expressing yourself. Don’t let concerns about spelling, grammar, or sentence structure hold you back.
Write Regularly: Try to make journaling a habit, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day. Consistency can help you process your emotions more effectively over time.
Use Prompts if You’re Stuck: If you’re not sure where to start, use prompts like “Today, I’m feeling…”, “What I wish I could tell someone is…”, or “The hardest part of my day was…”
Don’t Force It: Some days, journaling might feel too difficult, and that’s okay. Listen to yourself and take a break if you need it.
A Journey Worth Taking
Healing from trauma is a journey—a path that requires patience, compassion, and resilience. Journaling is one of the tools that can guide you along this path, helping you process your emotions, reclaim your narrative, and find a sense of peace. Through the simple act of writing, you can begin to heal, one word at a time.
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Rebuilding Your Life After Narcissistic Abuse
Learn how to rebuild your life after narcissistic abuse by reclaiming your power, healing deeply, and transforming challenges into strengths. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
Narcissistic abuse is a deeply traumatic experience that can leave lasting scars on your emotional, mental, and even physical well-being. Whether it’s a romantic relationship, a friendship, or a family dynamic, the manipulation, control, and gaslighting involved in such abuse can strip away your sense of self and leave you feeling lost and broken. However, the aftermath of this experience, though challenging, also offers a unique opportunity for profound growth, healing, and transformation. Rebuilding your life after narcissistic abuse is not just about survival; it’s about reclaiming your power and thriving in ways you never thought possible.
1. Acknowledge and Understand the Abuse
The first step in rebuilding your life is acknowledging what you’ve been through. Narcissistic abuse often involves subtle, insidious tactics that can make you question your own reality. Gaslighting, for example, is a common manipulation technique where the abuser makes you doubt your memories, perceptions, and sanity. It’s crucial to understand that what you experienced was real and that it was abusive.
Educate yourself about narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and the typical behaviors of narcissists. Understanding the dynamics of narcissistic abuse can validate your experiences and help you recognize that the problem was not with you but with the abusive behavior you were subjected to. This knowledge is empowering and serves as the foundation for your healing journey.
2. Establish No Contact or Limited Contact
If possible, the most effective way to heal from narcissistic abuse is to cut off all contact with the abuser. This process, known as "No Contact," allows you to distance yourself from the toxic influence and begin the healing process without the constant threat of re-engagement. If complete separation isn’t possible, as in cases involving shared children or a workplace, establish strict boundaries and engage in "Limited Contact." Keep communication to a minimum and only when absolutely necessary.
No Contact isn’t just about physical distance; it’s also about emotional and psychological boundaries. This means refraining from checking the abuser’s social media, avoiding mutual friends who might relay information, and not allowing yourself to be drawn back into the cycle of abuse through guilt or manipulation.
3. Reconnect with Your Identity
Narcissistic abuse often leaves you disconnected from your true self. You may have been conditioned to prioritize the abuser’s needs and desires while suppressing your own. Reconnecting with your identity is an essential step in rebuilding your life. Start by exploring who you are outside of the abusive relationship.
Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Revisit hobbies and interests that you may have neglected. Surround yourself with supportive people who encourage your growth and celebrate your successes. This is a time to rediscover your passions, values, and strengths. Remember that you are more than what the narcissist led you to believe.
4. Seek Professional Support
Healing from narcissistic abuse is a complex process that often requires professional support. Therapy can be incredibly beneficial in helping you process the trauma and rebuild your self-esteem. A therapist with experience in trauma and abuse recovery can guide you through the healing process, providing you with tools to manage anxiety, depression, and other symptoms that may arise.
Support groups, both online and in-person, can also offer a sense of community and understanding. Connecting with others who have experienced similar abuse can be validating and comforting. Knowing you’re not alone in your journey can be a powerful motivator to keep moving forward.
5. Rebuild Your Self-Esteem and Confidence
Narcissistic abuse can severely damage your self-esteem. You may have been belittled, criticized, and made to feel worthless. Rebuilding your confidence takes time, but it’s a crucial part of your healing journey. Start by challenging the negative beliefs that were instilled in you by the abuser.
Practice self-compassion and affirmations. Remind yourself daily of your worth, your strengths, and your capabilities. Celebrate small victories and be patient with yourself as you rebuild your self-image. Surround yourself with positive influences who uplift you and remind you of your value.
6. Embrace Self-Care and Healing Practices
Self-care is not a luxury; it’s a necessity, especially when healing from narcissistic abuse. Embrace practices that nourish your body, mind, and spirit. This could include mindfulness, meditation, journaling, exercise, and spending time in nature. These activities can help you reconnect with yourself, manage stress, and foster a sense of peace and well-being.
Healing is also about setting healthy boundaries and learning to say no. After enduring narcissistic abuse, it’s essential to protect your energy and prioritize your needs. This might mean distancing yourself from toxic people or situations that do not serve your healing.
7. Cultivate a Future-Focused Mindset
While it’s important to process the past, it’s equally crucial to cultivate a future-focused mindset. Set goals for yourself and envision the life you want to create moving forward. This could involve pursuing new career opportunities, developing new relationships, or simply embracing a new outlook on life.
Rebuilding after narcissistic abuse is a journey of transformation. It’s an opportunity to create a life that reflects your true self, free from the shadows of the past. As you heal, you’ll discover new strengths and resilience within yourself. You are not defined by the abuse you endured; you are defined by the courage it takes to rebuild and thrive.
Rebuilding your life after narcissistic abuse is a deeply personal journey. It’s one that requires courage, patience, and self-compassion. But with each step, you reclaim the power that was taken from you. Remember, healing is not linear, and it’s okay to seek help along the way. You have the strength to rebuild your life, and in doing so, you’ll emerge stronger, wiser, and more empowered than ever before. Your future is yours to create, and it can be filled with the love, joy, and peace you deserve.