The Hidden Costs of Putting Your Life on Hold for Others
Learn how to create a healthy life balance and avoid the hidden costs that come with putting others first. We discuss it here!
Photo Credit: Delmaine Donson via iStockPhoto.com
By: Jamila Gomez
We’ve all heard the saying, "You can't pour from an empty cup." But in our efforts to care for others, it's easy to lose sight of that wisdom and put our own lives on hold. Whether it's for family, friends, or even work, sacrificing your own goals and happiness can feel noble. However, this selflessness often comes at a significant cost. Let's delve into the hidden downsides of constantly putting your life on hold for others.
1. Erosion of Personal Identity
When you constantly prioritize others' needs, your sense of self can begin to erode. You may start to define yourself by what you do for others rather than who you are. Over time, this can lead to a loss of identity, making it difficult to recognize your own desires, passions, and purpose. Instead of growing into your unique potential, you become a shadow of yourself, molded by external demands.
2. Unfulfilled Dreams and Regret
Every time you delay pursuing your own dreams, you chip away at the possibility of achieving them. Life is finite, and while helping others is commendable, neglecting your aspirations can lead to deep-seated regret. The longer you put off your goals, the harder it becomes to pursue them. Years down the line, you might find yourself wondering what could have been if you had only focused on your own path earlier.
3. Mental and Emotional Exhaustion
Constantly putting others first can be mentally and emotionally draining. You're always "on," tending to the needs of others without taking time to recharge. This can lead to burnout, anxiety, and even depression. The irony is that by trying to be everything to everyone, you risk becoming less effective in all areas of your life, including the relationships you’re trying to nurture.
4. Dependency and Resentment
When you put your life on hold for others, you may inadvertently foster a dependency that is unhealthy for both parties. The people you help might come to rely on your constant presence, which can prevent them from developing their own independence. Additionally, over time, you might begin to resent those you’ve sacrificed for, especially if you feel unappreciated or taken for granted. This can strain relationships and lead to feelings of bitterness.
5. Missed Opportunities
Opportunities don't always wait. By consistently delaying your own plans to support others, you might miss out on life-changing chances—be it career advancements, personal growth experiences, or relationships. Life is full of fleeting moments that require us to be present and proactive. When you’re always on hold for someone else, you might find that these moments pass you by, leaving you with fewer options later in life.
6. Imbalance in Relationships
Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and support. When one person is always the giver, and the other is always the receiver, it creates an imbalance that can be difficult to sustain. Over time, this dynamic can lead to frustration and a sense of inequality. Both parties may begin to feel trapped in roles that don’t allow for growth or reciprocity, ultimately weakening the bond.
7. Neglect of Self-Care
Self-care isn't just about pampering yourself—it's about taking the necessary steps to maintain your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. When you put your life on hold for others, self-care often falls by the wayside. This neglect can have serious consequences, from health issues to decreased resilience in the face of stress. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s essential for being able to support others in a healthy, sustainable way.
Finding the Balance: How to Put Yourself First Without Guilt
It’s important to remember that putting yourself first doesn’t mean neglecting others; it means creating a balance where your needs are met alongside those of the people you care about. Here are a few tips to help you achieve this:
Set Boundaries: Learn to say no when necessary. It’s okay to prioritize your own needs and protect your time.
Delegate Responsibilities: You don’t have to do everything yourself. Empower others to take responsibility for their own lives.
Pursue Your Passions: Make time for the things that bring you joy and fulfillment. Your happiness benefits everyone around you.
Practice Self-Compassion: Don’t feel guilty for putting yourself first. You deserve the same care and attention you give to others.
Putting your life on hold for others might seem like the right thing to do, but in the long run, it can do more harm than good. By finding a healthy balance between caring for others and caring for yourself, you can create a life that is both fulfilling and sustainable—one that allows you to be the best version of yourself, for yourself and those you love.
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How to Focus on What You Start and Finish in Alignment with Your Purpose
Learn to stay focused and complete your tasks with intentionality and grace, by breaking down your goals, aligning them with your purpose, and overcoming life's distractions. We discuss it here!
By: Jayla Smith
Sometimes in life, we are distracted by the winds of the world, making it challenging to finish what we begin. Staying focused on tasks that align with your purpose requires intentionality, planning, and grace. Here’s how to do it:
1. Make a List and Make It Plain
What exactly does this mean? When you have a vision, write it down and make it simple. Sometimes, when we have complex plans, it becomes difficult to complete what is meant for us to finish. Break down your goals into manageable steps. For instance, if your goal is to write a book, start with outlining chapters, then move to writing one chapter at a time. Simplifying your vision into clear, actionable steps can help you stay focused and motivated.
2. Be Intentional
Set specific, achievable goals and tackle them one step at a time. Not all things are meant to be rushed. By setting realistic goals, you allow yourself to progress steadily without becoming overwhelmed. For example, if you want to get healthier, start with small changes like drinking more water or taking daily walks. Each small step will bring you closer to your overall objective, making the process less daunting and more achievable.
3. Cut Yourself Some Grace
The only competition is you, and you must allow yourself to go through the motions of life. Understand that setbacks and challenges are part of the journey. It’s essential to be kind to yourself and recognize your progress, even if it’s slow. Celebrate small victories and learn from any setbacks. This mindset helps maintain a positive outlook and keeps you moving forward.
4. Stay Aligned with Your Purpose
To ensure you finish what you start, it’s crucial to stay aligned with your purpose. Ask yourself why you’re pursuing a particular goal and how it fits into your larger life purpose. This alignment will provide the motivation and drive needed to see your tasks through to completion. When your actions are in harmony with your values and long-term objectives, it becomes easier to stay committed and focused.
5. Eliminate Distractions
Identify and minimize distractions that can derail your progress. This might involve creating a dedicated workspace, setting specific times for focused work, or using tools to block distracting websites. By creating an environment conducive to productivity, you set yourself up for success.
6. Seek Support
Don’t hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or mentors. Sharing your goals with someone else can provide accountability and encouragement. Additionally, discussing your challenges and successes with others can offer new perspectives and motivation.
7. Reflect and Adjust
Regularly reflect on your progress and adjust your plans as needed. Life is dynamic, and sometimes goals need to be re-evaluated and modified. Reflection helps you stay aligned with your purpose and adapt to changing circumstances.
Focusing on what you start and finishing it in alignment with your purpose requires clarity, intentionality, and self-compassion. By making your vision plain, setting realistic goals, extending grace to yourself, staying aligned with your purpose, eliminating distractions, seeking support, and reflecting on your progress, you can navigate life’s distractions and achieve what is meant for you. Remember, the journey is as important as the destination, and every step you take is a testament to your dedication and purpose.
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Strategies to Keep Going When You Feel Like Quitting
Learn effective strategies to overcome the urge to quit and maintain progress towards your goals, even when faced with challenges. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
The most successful people have an uncanny ability to keep going when everyone else would quit. Your success is tied to your ability to keep working after you have the urge to quit. Quitting is a negative habit, and it’s often learned at a young age. Learn how to continue making progress no matter how strong the urge to quit grows.
Consider the reasons you feel like quitting in the first place:
You lack energy. A lack of energy isn’t just a reason one might quit a marathon. It’s also a common reason for quitting other pursuits. Exhaustion can be physical or mental. To help counteract your exhaustion:
Get a full night of sleep.
Get better control over your schedule.
Streamline your life.
Eat more nutritious foods.
Learn how to relax.
You lack focus. Too many distractions can result in the desire to quit. Are you trying to accomplish too many other things? Some people can deal with more goals than others. If you feel overwhelmed, narrow your focus to your most important goals.
It’s not that important to you. Do you have a good enough reason to keep going? Why are you doing this activity in the first place?
Remind yourself of why it’s important to keep going. Maybe the best motivation you can find is setting a good example for your children. Maybe the most important issue is self-respect. Find a good reason to continue.
Understand the reasons you feel the desire to quit. Whether it’s a bad job or a horrible diet, there are times we all consider quitting. However, quitting isn’t always an adverse choice.
We’ve been taught to believe that quitting is synonymous with failure, but some activities or relationships aren’t worth continuing. It’s important to arrive at a decision to quit or continue consciously, rather than making a reflexive decision.
Try these techniques to avoid quitting prematurely:
Hit the pause button. Most poor decisions could be avoided by taking a short pause. When you’re stressed, overworked, overtired, and fed-up, rash decisions become the norm. Give yourself the time you need to make a wise decision. Allow your head to clear before you make a decision that changes your life. Most decisions can wait.
View the situation objectively. Try to be objective and weigh the situation carefully. Enlist the help of a friend if necessary. It can be easier to evaluate someone else’s situation accurately than your own.
Consider the worst-case scenario. Think long-term. Quitting is an easy choice when you only consider the short-term ramifications. You can relieve your stress almost immediately! However, what are the long-term consequences? If you quit your job, what will happen if you can’t find another one?
Reconsider quitting if the long-term consequences are too severe. A little relief now isn’t worth long-term pain.
Who will be impacted by your quitting? Your boss? Coworkers? Family? The members of your church softball team? Who is affected?
What message are you sending to your children? What would you recommend to a child in a similar circumstance? Your children are always watching. Be sure to set a good example.
Ask yourself if a new approach is warranted. Maybe you shouldn’t quit. Maybe you need a new plan. Not getting the results you desire isn’t necessarily a sign that you should call it quits. Poor results indicate an ineffective process. Perhaps all you need is a tweak to your approach. Major accomplishments are accompanied by numerous failed attempts.
Ask yourself why you’re considering quitting. Is it because you don’t believe you can be successful? You don’t have the resources you require? Do you not enjoy the job, activity, or relationship in question? Are you lacking the necessary time?
Some reasons for quitting are better than others. Quitting a second job you don’t need so you can spend more time with your children is a good reason to quit. Ending your marriage because your spouse won’t pick up his dirty socks might be a bit extreme.
Is there another solution besides quitting?
Consider the times you’ve given up in the past. How do you feel about those events today? Was quitting a good idea or do you regret it? How are you likely to feel in the future about quitting in your current situation? Sometimes it’s necessary to lower your head and keep going. There are times when quitting is the best choice. However, when it’s not the best choice, it’s necessary to be strong and keep going. Stick with that horrible job until you have something else lined up. Give counseling a try before quitting on another relationship.
Take a moment before making a hasty decision. Quitting isn’t to be taken lightly. Before making the decision to quit, consider the consequences, consult with a trusted friend, and consider your history. In some instances, quitting is final. Avoid creating long-term challenges to alleviate stress in the short-term. Give yourself the time you require to make a wise decision.
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13 Tips You Need To Know To Master Self Discipline
Mastering self discipline is essential for your journey to be successful. Here are 13 tips you need to know to master self discipline!
By: Omar Cook
Mastering self discipline is essential for your journey to be successful. If you have any aspirations of operating at the top of your niche, it is important that you conquer yourself first. The most successful people are masters of their time and discipline and don't you want to be successful? Here are 13 tips you need to know to master self discipline, and should you apply these to your life, you will be sure to be on the right track to be successful!
1. Determine What Goals to Set
What are your goals in life? Effective goal setting and setting realistic goals are keys for how to attain success in life. In order to master self discipline, you must first determine what goals to set! Start by setting the ultimate goal, the most important goal. This is your dream goal. Every other goal after this should be a step towards achieving your ultimate goal.
2. Breakdown Your Ultimate Goal
Create a list of goals to set for yourself, that reflects what you want to achieve for your ultimate goal. We all have goals and aspirations, but not everyone understands how to set goals and achieve them. Smart goal setting can eliminate a lot of time spent trying to figure things out for yourself. Time is money, and having the right set of goals can help you focus and maximize your time. Writing down your goals so that you can look at them daily makes them real for you!
3. Create a Daily Plan to Achieve Your Goal
What will you do to achieve your goals? Optimizing the goal setting process for success is bigger than just initially creating a list of goals! Working towards your goal is a daily process and requires work and discipline. Create a daily plan for how you will achieve your goals. This can be a schedule that you create for yourself to get things done by a certain time and stay on point. It can also include a list of objectives to accomplish for the day that ultimately brings you closer to achieving the main goal. A daily plan is a template for accomplishing a certain goal within that 24 hours.
4. Eliminate Distractions and Temptations
Eliminate your potential distractions and temptations from your work environment. Put yourself in an environment that will allow to focus! Sometimes turning off the phone and television can be what's best at a time that work needs to be done. Managing distractions is a necessary key for time management. There can be many distractions while working that can be present, but overcoming the temptation to get off task is a major step to mastering self discipline. Train your brain to focus even when it desires to wander elsewhere!
>> SEE ALSO: Relaxation Tips: 3 Tips For How To Relieve Stress During The Work Week
5. Prioritize The Goal Before Anything Else
You have to constantly ask yourself, "How will I achieve my goals?" Accomplishing your goal should be the most important thing to you and if you're doing things that aren't helping you get closer to your goal, you need to refocus. Mastering self discipline requires focus, and structure. If you're really serious about your goal, cutting out some time from other activities so that you can spend more time progressing toward your goal is essential to your success.
6. Don't Wait For it to Feel Right
There is never a perfect time to do anything! Don't let fear or lack of knowledge in an area prevent you from taking a step towards your goal! Sometimes it's best to just go for it and make mistakes as you go, learn on the run. If you're always waiting for what seems like the perfect time, you will miss out on a lot of potential opportunities.
7. Force Yourself to do it
There will be days where you will be tired, unmotivated and a little burnt out. Take your necessary breaks but push through these times of lack of motivation and force yourself to get some work done. You will feel more accomplished after you're done working rather than thinking that you wish you would have gotten some work done.
8. Find Role Models Who Inspire You
Find people who motivate you to be better than who you already are. Find people who have done what you're trying to do on a high level and study what makes them great! Having the right people who inspire you can take your focus to the next level. Surrounding yourself with like minded individuals who also have similar goals can push you to do better as well. Analyze your environment, who you surround yourself with and make friends with people who are doing better than yourself!
9. Schedule Breaks and Reward Yourself
Taking breaks and resting is just as important as grinding! It's hard to get as much work done as you'd like when you aren't well rested. Schedule your breaks throughout the day and reward yourself for your hard work in some type of way. Keep yourself motivated!
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10. Determine That Failure is Not an Option
Self discipline requires confidence in yourself and faith that you can manifest your ultimate goal no matter what! Create a mindset for yourself that says failure is not an option. Believing that you can't allow yourself to fail will push your hunger for success to another level. Be hungry and go after what you want in an aggressive manner, and leave no regrets. This is not to say that you will not literally fail at something, but having this mindset will push you to bounce back even faster knowing that you're set on being successful. Success is your only option!
11. Keep Track of Your Progress
Keeping track of your progress gives you landmarks to try to reach for yourself. This will allow you to self analyze your production and make the necessary adjustments for improvement. Being able to self evaluate is a major key in determining what kind of success you're having and what needs to be fixed. Keeping track of progress also lets you see when improvements are being made which will keep you motivated to achieving even more success!
12. Set Monthly Milestones
Just like you practice daily goal setting, set monthly milestones that will help you dig deeper into your ultimate goal! Keeping track of your progress will help you to set realistic monthly milestones. Reaching your milestones on a consistent basis will ensure you that you are on the right track and will create a system of success for you. Over the course of a year, if you have met your monthly milestones consistently, you will have had a successful year! Success is the bar that you set for your own accomplishments, so meeting your own milestones and deadlines will guarantee success for yourself!
13. Breaking Bad Habits
Stop doing things that have proven to be non-beneficial for you. Do a self check and analyze the habits that you need to replace with something better. Time is everything and using your time to practice bad habits can be a waste of time for you and create setbacks. Being successful requires doing things that others don't do, and breaking bad habits is a step in the right direction!
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You Attract What You Are: Using The Law Of Attraction To Better Your Life
You attract what you are and to attract better things in life, you have to make life changes and understand the law of attraction! Here are some tips that will guarantee great success and an abundant life!
By: Omar Cook
To attract better things in life, you have to become a better you and change your life around! Sounds simple right? A lot of what you attract and who you attract to your life has to do with your energy and what you're putting into the universe. The law of attraction is real, and you will attract exactly what it i you're looking for if you set your energy towards that. Have you ever left a relationship, got into a new relationship and felt like you were dating the same person or dealing with the same issues? Has one drastic negative event happened in your life that led to another negative event and it begins to feel overwhelming? It’s time to change your mindset and your surroundings.
>> SEE ALSO: How to Balance Your Art and Business as a Creative Entrepreneur
Successful people do things that put them in the best situations. Many people have problems with how to break bad habits, recognizing your bad habits is important to elevating your life to the next level! We are all searching for ways to have nice things and live an abundant life, and to achieve this we have to be aware of what we put our energy into. Positive energy will more often than not produce positive results. Sometimes we get so caught up in our lives that we don’t even realize that we aren’t attracting what we need to and that what’s around us isn't healthy. You have to be able to eliminate distractions and go into solitude. To eliminate your distractions, you have to figure out what exactly is a distraction to you. Ask yourself these questions:
What is disturbing my peace?
What am I giving my focus to that I know I can do without?
What takes your attention away from doing what you need to do?
After you figure out the answers to these questions, you will know what needs to go. These answers could be life changing. Practice being in solitude and focus on what makes you happy and what brings you peace. If it disturbs your spirit, most likely you don't need it. This can apply to activities, and people as well. You’re only as good as the people you associate with. If your friends aren’t living up their potential, how is that helping you live up to yours? Where is your motivation to do better if the people around you aren’t pushing you to be better?
>> SEE ALSO: Starting Over in Life: Overcoming Setbacks on the Road to Success
Human nature is to become a product of our environments and our surroundings. Take a look at your inner circle and evaluate; are these the people that are going to help me get to the next level in life? Surround yourself with people who have similar goals to you, and are constantly making positive leaps in their lives. Surround yourself with people that are doing better than you, and watch how your motivation to do better changes.
Positive Affirmations
Smart Goal Setting
Smart goal setting is one of the easiest and most critical keys to getting what you want. You may be asking why is goal setting important? Writing down your goals in life makes them real and you will be on your way to becoming a successful person. Many people are unfamiliar with how to set goals, so here a few tips. Start by writing a list of smart goals; short term goals and long term goals. Next to each of these goals, write down how you plan to accomplish this goal. Post the list somewhere visible where you can see it each and everyday; a healthy reminder that you made a promise to yourself to accomplish something.
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After you accomplish a certain goal, cross it out. This system of goal setting and reading your goals everyday and crossing them out when they're accomplished will push your life to the next level. Success is like a drug; as soon as you get a test of something good you will continue to want more of it. Accomplishing your goals will become second nature to you and positive after positive will begin to happen for you. Just watch how things change in your life!
Postive Affirmations
Speaking positive affirmations into your life everyday is a major key to a mindset shift. Start speaking positive words on your negative situations and your approach to adversity will change. Positive thinking is extremely important for your mindset shift. The power of positive thinking is underestimated, and implementing this into your life will produce positive life changes. Positive affirmations should become a lifestyle. Thinking positive in all situations is how successful people think, and this helps them to accomplish great success. Speaking things into existence is one of the best habits of successful people.
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People are attracted to positive people, and the energy they put out. Nobody wants to be around a debby downer all the time, a party pooper, a mood killer. When you start to speak positive about every situation, the impossible becomes possible so do not underestimate the power of positivity! Break the habit of negative thinking and negative self talk and replace this with positive self talk! What seemed like a major giant, a mountain, now just becomes another hurdle for you to jump over. Positive affirmations are a definite life changer.
How do I attract better and be better? Eliminate distractions. Smart goal setting. Speak positive affirmations and positive self talk. Once your surroundings and habits change, you will change. You will attract better if you become better. This is a process and with every great thing comes work and time but will guarantee that you are a success in life. Speak life into your endeavors and practice good habits! Push through the adversity and become who you were destined to be!
THIS ARTICLE IS RELATED TO: positive thinking, law of attraction, abundant life, positive affirmations, positive words, the power of positive thinking, smart goals, goal setting