Liked by Few, Loved by You: A Guide to Self-Acceptance
Embracing the reality of being disliked can foster personal growth, authentic relationships, and a deeper sense of self-worth by prioritizing authenticity over approval. We discuss it here!
Photo Credit: Delmaine Donson via iStockPhoto.com
By: Jamila Gomez
In a world that often equates popularity with success, the idea of being disliked can feel like a daunting prospect. Many of us expend significant energy trying to win approval, avoid conflict, and fit in. But here’s the truth: being liked by everyone is not only impossible but also unnecessary for a fulfilling life. In fact, embracing the reality of being disliked can lead to personal growth, authentic relationships, and greater peace of mind.
The Roots of the Need for Approval
From an early age, many people are conditioned to seek validation. Whether it’s praise from parents, good grades in school, or likes on social media, external approval becomes a marker of self-worth. However, this approval-seeking can lead to sacrificing authenticity. The fear of being disliked may cause individuals to suppress their true opinions, avoid setting boundaries, or conform to expectations that don’t align with their values.
Why It’s Okay to Be Disliked
Being disliked isn’t inherently a negative thing—it often means you are standing firm in your values and being true to yourself. Not everyone will agree with your decisions, personality, or perspective, and that’s natural. Trying to appeal to everyone dilutes who you are, making it harder to form meaningful, genuine connections.
Accepting that some people won’t like you also sets you free from the exhausting task of managing perceptions. When you stop living for others’ approval, you create space for your own happiness and authenticity.
The Value of Authenticity
Choosing authenticity over popularity fosters self-respect. When you stay true to your principles, you attract people who appreciate and support the real you, rather than a curated version designed to please others. These relationships are deeper and more fulfilling, as they are based on mutual understanding rather than surface-level agreement.
Moreover, embracing your uniqueness allows you to contribute to the world in meaningful ways. Great leaders, thinkers, and artists are often polarizing figures because they challenge norms and inspire change. They are unafraid to be disliked, knowing that their purpose outweighs the opinions of detractors.
How to Embrace Being Disliked
Learning to be okay with being disliked starts with self-awareness. Recognize whose opinions truly matter and why. Not every criticism warrants a response or a change in behavior. Set boundaries that protect your time, energy, and well-being.
Lastly, practice self-compassion. Understand that being disliked doesn’t define your worth. By prioritizing your values and happiness, you gain confidence and resilience.
In the end, being disliked is not a failure; it’s a sign that you are living authentically. And that, in itself, is something worth celebrating.
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How Self-Love Shapes Romantic Love in the Black Community
Prioritizing self-love in the Black community fosters healthier relationships by addressing generational trauma, promoting self-worth, and strengthening the foundation for authentic and resilient Black love. We discuss it here!
Photo Credit: Delmaine Donson via iStockPhoto.com
By: Jamila Gomez
Self-love is a profound foundation for healthy relationships, especially within the Black community, where historical challenges and systemic oppression have created unique barriers to both individual and collective healing. When individuals prioritize self-love, they cultivate an internal sense of worth and resilience, which profoundly influences their ability to give and receive love in romantic relationships.
For centuries, Black love has served as a radical act of defiance and survival, preserving joy and connection despite external adversities. However, self-love—a deeply personal and transformative practice—strengthens this legacy by fostering emotional well-being and breaking cycles of generational trauma. When Black individuals embrace self-love, they affirm that they are deserving of compassion, respect, and care—cornerstones of any healthy romantic partnership.
One of the ways self-love manifests in romantic relationships is through boundary-setting. Often, societal stereotypes and systemic inequities have pressured Black individuals to overextend themselves emotionally and physically, sometimes leading to unhealthy dynamics in relationships. When self-love is prioritized, individuals are more likely to establish boundaries that protect their mental and emotional health. In turn, this creates space for equitable and respectful romantic connections, where both partners feel seen and valued.
Moreover, self-love helps dismantle harmful patterns shaped by internalized racism, colorism, and negative self-perception. Within the Black community, unlearning these societal impositions is an act of self-care that directly impacts how individuals choose partners and navigate intimacy. When people accept their full selves—embracing their unique beauty, culture, and experiences—they are more likely to attract relationships rooted in authenticity and mutual respect.
Black love thrives when it emerges from a place of wholeness, rather than seeking completion in another person. Couples who prioritize self-love individually often bring emotional stability and self-awareness into their partnerships. This not only deepens their connection but also sets an example for future generations, emphasizing that love starts within.
In the Black community, self-love is not just a personal journey—it’s a communal one. By prioritizing self-care, self-respect, and self-acceptance, individuals contribute to a collective healing process that uplifts relationships and challenges narratives of unworthiness. Ultimately, self-love nurtures romantic love, empowering Black couples to build lasting, fulfilling connections that reflect the strength and beauty of their shared heritage.
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Don’t Go Back to What Broke You
For healing and growth, it is vital to let go of what has hurt you in the past. Refuse to be tempted to return to that pain and embrace your journey towards a healthier and more fulfilling future. We discuss it here!
Photo Credit: Delmaine Donson via iStockPhoto.com
By: Jamila Gomez
Life is a journey filled with twists and turns, some of which can lead us into dark and painful places. Whether it's a toxic relationship, a destructive habit, or an unhealthy environment, many of us have experienced situations that left us broken. The process of healing from these experiences is difficult, but the temptation to return to what once broke us can be even harder to resist. It might seem easier to go back to the familiar, even if it's harmful, rather than face the unknown of moving forward. However, it's essential to remember that going back to what broke you will only hinder your growth and keep you trapped in a cycle of pain.
The Comfort of Familiarity
One of the reasons people are drawn back to what hurt them is the comfort of familiarity. Our brains are wired to seek out what we know, even if it’s not good for us. A toxic relationship, for instance, might feel like home because it’s what we’ve grown accustomed to. The idea of leaving that behind can feel like stepping into a void, where nothing is certain.
However, familiarity is not the same as safety. Just because something is known doesn’t mean it’s good for you. The discomfort of the unknown is a small price to pay for the freedom and peace that comes with leaving behind what broke you.
The Illusion of Change
Another powerful lure to return to what broke you is the hope that things have changed. You might think that people, situations, or environments have improved or that you’ve grown strong enough to handle them differently. While it’s possible for people and circumstances to change, it’s important to be realistic.
Change takes time and effort, and it’s not always guaranteed. More often than not, going back to what broke you means returning to the same patterns and behaviors that caused you pain in the first place. It’s crucial to assess whether genuine change has occurred or if you’re simply holding onto the hope that things will be different this time.
The Cycle of Brokenness
Returning to what broke you often results in a vicious cycle. You find yourself back in the same situations, repeating the same patterns, and experiencing the same pain. This cycle can be exhausting, eroding your self-esteem and making it harder to break free each time.
Breaking this cycle requires courage and a commitment to your own well-being. It means recognizing that you deserve better than the hurtful situations you've experienced and that you have the power to create a different future. By refusing to go back, you disrupt the cycle and open up space for healing and growth.
Self-Worth and Boundaries
Not going back to what broke you is an act of self-love. It’s a declaration that you value yourself enough to protect your peace and well-being. This requires setting and enforcing boundaries, which can be challenging, especially if you’re used to putting others’ needs before your own.
Setting boundaries means understanding your limits and refusing to compromise them, even if it makes others uncomfortable. It’s about prioritizing your mental, emotional, and physical health over the desire to please others or maintain the status quo. In doing so, you create a safer and healthier environment for yourself, one where you can thrive rather than just survive.
The Strength in Moving Forward
Moving forward after being broken is an act of immense strength. It takes resilience to walk away from something that once had a hold on you, and even more strength to keep moving in a new direction. Each step forward, no matter how small, is a victory.
In moving forward, you reclaim your power. You’re no longer defined by what broke you, but by how you chose to rise from it. This journey of self-discovery and growth may be difficult, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. As you move forward, you’ll begin to see the possibilities that lie ahead, rather than the pain that lies behind.
Embracing the Unknown
The future can be daunting, especially when it’s uncharted territory. But it’s in the unknown that we find new opportunities, experiences, and connections that can bring joy and fulfillment. Embracing the unknown means trusting that there’s more for you beyond what broke you—more love, more happiness, and more peace.
While it’s natural to feel fear when stepping into the unknown, it’s important to remember that growth happens outside of your comfort zone. By choosing not to go back to what broke you, you’re giving yourself the chance to grow into the person you’re meant to be, free from the shadows of the past.
Choosing Yourself
At the heart of the decision not to go back to what broke you is a simple yet profound choice: to choose yourself. Choosing yourself means prioritizing your healing, your happiness, and your future over the familiar pain of the past. It’s about recognizing your worth and refusing to settle for anything less than you deserve.
Life is too short to spend it in places or with people that break you. The path forward may be uncertain, but it’s filled with the potential for healing, growth, and joy. So, choose to move forward. Choose to leave behind what broke you. Choose to create a life where you can truly thrive.
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Walking in Purpose Without Seeking Validation
Learn the power of walking in purpose without seeking validation, and learn how to stay true to your calling even when external approval is lacking. We discuss it here!
Photo Credit: CarlosDavid.org via iStockPhoto.com
By: Jamila Gomez
In a world that thrives on likes, shares, and external recognition, it’s easy to fall into the trap of seeking validation. We’re constantly bombarded with images and messages that tell us our worth is determined by how others perceive us. But what happens when the applause fades, when the accolades are few, or when our path is misunderstood? The truth is, the journey of walking in purpose requires a mindset that goes beyond the need for validation.
The Illusion of Validation
Validation feels good—it’s a warm embrace from the world that says, “You’re on the right track.” But relying on it can be a slippery slope. When we seek validation, we often find ourselves swayed by the opinions of others, whether they align with our purpose or not. The danger here is that external validation can become a substitute for internal conviction.
Imagine a seedling growing in a forest. It doesn’t wait for the other trees to give it permission to grow; it pushes through the soil, reaching for the sun, because that’s what it was designed to do. In the same way, we are all designed with a unique purpose. Our growth and success aren’t dependent on the validation of others but on our ability to stay true to that purpose.
Purpose Is Internal, Not External
Your purpose is a deeply personal calling. It’s the reason you were created, the contribution only you can make to the world. This calling doesn’t come with a need for external approval. It’s not about fitting into the mold others have created for you but about breaking out of it to fulfill your unique destiny.
When you walk in your purpose, your focus shifts from “What will people think?” to “What am I meant to do?” This shift is powerful. It frees you from the constraints of people-pleasing and allows you to pursue what truly matters.
Validation Is Fleeting, but Purpose Is Steadfast
The need for validation can be exhausting because it’s never fully satisfied. One day you’re praised, the next you’re criticized. If you base your actions on the reactions of others, you’ll find yourself on an emotional roller coaster, constantly chasing the next high of approval. But purpose is different. It’s a steady, unchanging force that doesn’t waver with public opinion.
Purpose gives you the courage to stand firm in your beliefs, even when others don’t understand. It’s the guiding light that keeps you moving forward, even when the path is lonely. When you embrace your purpose, you develop an inner resilience that’s not easily shaken by external circumstances.
The Power of Internal Validation
Internal validation comes from knowing your worth and your mission. It’s about having a deep, unshakable belief in your abilities and your purpose. This self-assurance doesn’t require constant reinforcement from others because it’s rooted in something far more substantial—your core values, your passion, and your unique gifts.
To cultivate internal validation, practice self-reflection. Take time to connect with your inner self and understand your motivations, strengths, and desires. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and recognize the value you bring to the world, independent of anyone else’s opinion.
Walking in Purpose Without Needing Validation
Walking in purpose means taking action aligned with your calling, regardless of who is watching or what they’re saying. It’s about living authentically, making decisions based on your values, and pursuing your goals with passion and persistence.
Here are a few practical steps to help you walk in purpose without seeking validation:
1. Define Your Purpose: Get clear on what you’re here to do. What are your passions? What impact do you want to make? Understanding your purpose gives you a clear direction and a reason to keep going, even when validation is lacking.
2. Set Boundaries: Protect your purpose by setting boundaries. Limit your exposure to negative influences and opinions that may derail you from your path. Surround yourself with people who support your journey, but don’t rely on them for validation.
3. Trust Your Intuition: Your intuition is a powerful guide. Trust it to lead you in the right direction, even when others don’t see the vision. Your purpose is often something only you can fully understand, so give yourself permission to follow your instincts.
4. Celebrate Your Own Wins: Don’t wait for others to acknowledge your progress. Celebrate your milestones and accomplishments, no matter how small. This reinforces your sense of purpose and reminds you that you’re on the right track.
5. Practice Gratitude: Focus on what you have, not what you lack. Gratitude shifts your mindset from seeking external approval to appreciating the journey you’re on. It reminds you that your purpose is a gift, and you’re privileged to live it out.
Walking in purpose without needing validation is a liberating experience. It allows you to pursue your calling with confidence, resilience, and authenticity. When you free yourself from the need for external approval, you unlock the full potential of your purpose. Remember, your worth isn’t determined by how others see you; it’s defined by how true you are to yourself and the unique path you’re meant to walk. Embrace your purpose, and let it guide you—validation will become an afterthought, not a necessity.