Self-Sabotage: Getting in Our Own Way in Love
Self-sabotage in relationships can take various forms, such as pushing away a partner, avoiding commitment, or engaging in destructive behaviors. We discuss it here!
Photo Credit: Pheelings Media via iStockPhoto.com
By: Jamila Gomez
Relationships are complex and often demand effort, compromise, and vulnerability from both individuals involved. However, some individuals may repeatedly engage in self-sabotaging behaviors. Self-sabotage in relationships can take various forms, such as pushing away a partner, avoiding commitment, or engaging in destructive behaviors. To understand why people self-sabotage in relationships, it's essential to explore several underlying factors and patterns.
Fear of Intimacy:
For some, past negative experiences, trauma, or a fear of vulnerability can trigger self-sabotaging behaviors. Consequently, individuals may emotionally withdraw, be overly critical, or create conflicts to protect themselves from potential emotional pain.
Low Self-Worth:
A lack of self-worth can lead to self-sabotage in relationships. Those with low self-esteem may engage in behaviors undermining their relationships, such as seeking validation outside the relationship or questioning their partner's intentions.
Fear of Rejection:
The fear of rejection can be a powerful force. Individuals who've experienced past rejections may engage in behaviors pushing their partner away before facing potential rejection.
Commitment Issues:
Some struggle with commitment due to deep-seated fears and insecurities. Commitment phobia may manifest as self-sabotage when facing the possibility of a long-term relationship.
Unrealistic Expectations:
Unrealistic expectations can strain relationships. Holding high standards for oneself or their partner can lead to self-sabotage, resulting in constant disappointment.
To overcome self-sabotage, individuals should seek self-awareness and understand the root causes triggering their disruptive behaviors. Consider therapy or counseling to address emotional wounds, insecurities, or fears. Building healthy self-esteem is crucial, enabling individuals to participate in loving relationships without self-sabotage.
Communication is key. Open and honest conversations with a partner can help express fears and concerns, fostering a supportive environment. Embracing vulnerability and learning to trust oneself and the partner can help overcome self-sabotaging patterns, cultivating healthier connections
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4 Obvious Signs They're Losing Interest
Here are some obvious signs that you may be dealing with someone who is losing interest in you!
By: Alyssa Cole
Dealing with rejection is never easy, especially if you’re being left after investing time into someone. You get so wrapped up in being around that person and it never dawns on you that maybe some things have changed right in front of your eyes. It’s the worst realizing that your clock has ticked its time all away with someone and now you’re back at square one looking for something new to put on your arm. Isn’t it typically a little obvious to see your partner losing interest in you? What’s interesting enough is that we as people do tend to see the signs, but we’re just too blind to initially notice them due to how much we like and care about the person at the time. Are you wondering if the person you’re talking to is losing interest? Have their habits changed? Is the vibe different? Here are some obvious signs that you may be dealing with someone who is losing interest.
The Conversation Becomes Short
If the conversation goes from every day and multiple times throughout the day to only a few times out of the week, there is a good chance they could be getting bored and have lost that spark to engage with you. When you’re starting out and trying to get a feel for someone, typically you can expect to talk on a daily basis or an every other day basis depending on the person. If more than two days go by and you haven’t heard from them, if they aren’t going through something serious on their end personally, this is a big hint they may be on their way out.
They Avoid Serious Conversations
Have the conversations about things like family, politics, interests, and a future together suddenly gone missing from your list of topics? This is not a coincidence. If you are trying to have deep conversations and the person doesn’t desire to engage with you on these matters like before, it is probably because they no longer see you in any of those future scenarios with them and don't desire to start deep conversations because they know they won't stick around in the conversation long enough to finish it with you.
They Start Forgetting Everything
Do they go from remembering everything you enjoy and paying attention to all your little gestures, to suddenly forgetting that they didn’t have a conversation with you? You find yourself reminding them about plans that were made in advance or about something important you already told them? Chances are they are forgetting things because they no longer care to make certain things a priority to remember. Someone who is losing interest and moving on will do this one very often. If someone new has came along, they are probably trying to keep you and the new person’s conversations separate in their mind, but more than likely they are starting to get them mixed up and confusing their own self!
They Constantly Make Excuses
This may be the most obvious sign of them all. When you try to make plans lately do they come up with a silly reason why they can’t come out at the last minute? When they forget to reply back for hours to a message do you start to hear the “Oh I forgot”, “Oh I fell asleep”, “Oh I thought”, statements? We all know what excuses are and sometimes we as people genuinely do make mistakes, but if you are getting excuses more than half of the time when interacting with this person, chances are they are coming up with excuses because they don’t know to be honest about no longer wanting to develop something more with you. Excuses, Excuses, Excuses!!
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Shoot Your Shot: Why A Guy Gets Rejected
“Why do I keep getting rejected?” If you shoot your shot, there is a chance that you will fail to score! We discuss what keeps men from sealing the deal!
By: Danielle Layne
Most of my time on Facebook is spent reading memes and horror stories where someone gets rejected and chaos ensued. I often view many posts of men going off on women because those women were not interested. If you shoot your shot, there is a chance that you will fail to score Therefore I decided to share a few possible reasons why the men failed to score, whether online or in person.
Why Men May Fail to Score
1. No Understanding of How to Make Conversation
Some dudes believe that they should inject a “Wyd” in a female’s inbox everyday and get miraculous results. Just no. Who wants to tell some random person a daily log of their activities?
2. Dating Anxiety: Hot to Not be Nervous on a Date
Even when a guy successfully gets to go on a date with a woman that interests him, he proceeds to sit, stare and cold-sweat during most of the date. This is annoying and the female on the date might think that this dude has the personality of a wet noodle. Or worse, she may be wondering if she is now on a date with a serial killer. Deal-breaker much?
3. Jack of all trades.
What is up with men who try to pursue multiple females at the same time? Does he want to form an all-female basketball team? Is he looking for a sister-wife or nah? I had a dude call me and have long conversations for almost a month, only to realize he was calling my friend and coworker too. On the same day. With the same questions. Why??
4. You Talk Too Much: Learn How to Talk to Women
This is an unfortunate consequence of a nervous or overly confident man. Just this week I stood in a bank queue in front of a young couple. I swear, the young man spoke about himself for a good forty-five minutes. His companion could hardly get a word in edgeways. Don’t be that guy.
5. Don't Understand How to Handle Rejection
This point is really for the keyboard warriors who inbox women with “Good morning”, “Wyd”, “You’re beautiful” or any variation of this. These messages may signify interest and if she is happily taken, they only serve to annoy. What is a man expecting to gain from telling a woman she is beautiful multiple times if she already has a partner who tells her such. Yes, it is a compliment that most women will graciously accept. Telling this to her repeatedly may just be a waste of the dude’s time.
How Do We Change This?
In order to change some of these misses to hits, we need to consider a few things.
Figure out why you want to speak to this woman. Is she a pretty Instagrammer that everyone seems to adore? Do you think she has a wonderful personality and will be a great wife and mother? If it is the former, it’s best that you move it along. If it is the latter, then hey-give it a go.
Ask questions to find out the woman’s interests. What are her hobbies? Her idea of a casual date? What does she like to talk about? If you find out the answer to some of these questions, then you are well on your way
Of course, I am only one woman so what is written above represents my opinion. Dudes if you “wyd” and “hey beautiful” and your strategy opens doors, then by all means don’t change. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.