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Can You Have A Casual Hookup Just As Friends?

Sex is the most intimate thing you can do with a person! Can you really have a casual hookup just as friends and not get attached? We discuss it here!

 
Casual Hookup

Sex is the most intimate thing you can do with a person, so is this really something you want to do with someone you call your friend? Friends with benefits relationships are extremely risky because even though both people have mutually agreed to have sex with no attachments, sex can easily raise your emotions. For men, men will almost have sex with anything moving if you gave them an opportunity to, so a casual hookup is a lot easier for men than it is for women.

Even though women say they can handle a relationship like this, 9 times out of 10 this is false! Women believe they can handle a casual hookup just as friends until they get hooked by good sex and now their emotions are taking over. Sex can unleash emotions you never thought you had, and good sex can turn the calmest women crazy. Understand that if you’re engaging in a casual hookup with your friend, you’re putting your whole friendship at risk.

Engaging in this type of relationship can bring on a host of emotions including jealousy. With no strings attached, you can’t be mad at the other person for talking to other people. This might seem easy at first, but again, sex brings on emotions you probably thought you could deal with at first. Casual sex is nothing to play around with, especially if it’s one of your good friends. For a friends with benefits relationship to work, boundaries have to be set from the get go and no matter what, those lines can’t be crossed even when emotions start to creep in. If you’re not good at communicating, and you know you wear your emotions on your sleeve, you’re just setting yourself up for failure by even getting involved.

Casual Hookup Just As Friends

So since this is just a casual hookup, and your just friends right, what happens when one person starts dealing with another person, or even a potential relationship? Does the sex stop there? Do you still maintain a friendship while the other person is in a relationship? A better question would be, if you get into a relationship after having casual hookups with your friend, do you let your new boyfriend or girlfriend know that you hooked up with this friend or is this a secret you’re going to the grave with? Flip the roles. Would you be okay with your boyfriend or girlfriend keeping a friendship going with someone they were having casual sex with?

We can all agree that sex is fun, but sex can destroy a relationship, better yet a friendship. You have to be special kind of person to be able to have a friends with benefits relationship because it’s almost as if you have to put your emotions to the side and act as if they don’t exist for it to work. If you’re a heartless person who’s okay with doing things with no attachments, then okay, this might be the perfect relationship for you. You could argue that you’re being safe with your sex life by having sex with someone you trust. Understandable. But again, this is a dangerous line to cross!

How long can a relationship like this even really last or is this just something you do in the meantime between time until you’re ready to settle down? If having sex with your friend is what you want to do, no one is stopping you or condemning you. Just understand you are opening pandora’s box and allowing a number of potential issues to creep into what once was just an innocent friendship.


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Why Can't Men Take No For An Answer?

For whatever reason, some men have built themselves up to believe that every time they shoot their shot, women are supposed to respond the way they want them to. It's 2018, and we're still struggling with dealing with rejection? We discuss it here!

 
Why Can't Men Take No For An Answer?

By: Omar Cook

I don't know what it is about us men, but for some rejection just doesn't sit right with us. Having a woman turn them down after they just built up enough confidence to say wassup can be a huge shot to their pride, and pride is the downfall for many men. Men are natural born hunters and by nature, women are the prey. Men see what they want and immediately our minds stop working, and we start thinking with the wrong head! The problem is, thinking with the wrong head that's not on your shoulders can get you in trouble! So why can’t men take no for an answer?

For whatever reason, some men have built themselves up to believe that every time they shoot their shot, women are supposed to respond the way they want them to. Confidence is great to have, but a sense of reality and rational is even better. It's 2018, and we're still struggling with dealing with rejection? 

Men, there's nothing wrong with going after a woman that you think is fine and beautiful and all that good stuff, but be aware that yes, there is a chance that you will get rejected and you have to be ready to accept that! I've seen too many times where men will try to make on a girl walking by and shoot their shot and get turned down, and as soon as they get rejected, they say things like, "You weren't all that fine anyway" or "Why you acting stuck up?" So because that woman didn't want you, she's stuck up and she's not attractive anymore? If she would have given you the number, you would have been sending her all types of "goodmorning beautiful" texts! Men love to stunt to hide the embarrassment of getting rejected. 

Dealing with rejection

A big problem with men shooting their shot, is that we have a tendency to lack true critical thinking skills. If a woman tells you she has a boyfriend, and you reply back, "You can't have friends?", what really do you hope to accomplish by this? If this was your girl, and dudes were trying to get at her, hounding her for her number, would you be okay with her telling you "yeah I just gave some dudes my number today so we can friends"? Or is the thought process just to gather another number so you can add her to your collection. If a woman really gives you her number after telling you she has a man, what makes you think she won't give out her number to another dude after she gets involved with you?

Fellas, it’s okay to take rejection. There’s more than one in this world and there’s one that’s ready to entertain you and your nonsense. Not every woman is for you and it’s okay to accept that. Getting shot down is not the end of the world, and if you have any kind of game, you’re bound to rebound from one missed shot. Don’t stop shooting your shot, but pick your battles and accept that no means no! 


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Dating Tips For Women: Why Pre-Dates Are A Waste Of Time

Dating isn’t easy, but it is not supposed to be overly complex either! Here are some dating tips for women about why pre-dates are a waste of time!

 
Dating Tips For Women: Why Pre-Dates Are A Waste Of Time

 By: Deveney Marshall

I’m not sure what bright-eyed millennial first presented the idea of a pre-date, but the concept quickly took over social media and began to be discussed by everyone. All over Twitter, you couldn’t scroll through a few tweets a couple of ago without seeing someone ask “what is a pre-date?” Or if people would partake in one. It was clear many people were divided about the topic, and before I knew it the conversation grew from “would you go a pre-date?” to “women are gold-diggers” to “men are broke.” Becoming yet another debate of men vs women on social media.

According to Twitter, a pre-date is defined as a getting acquainted meeting between two individuals to determine if you truly want to go on a real date with the person or not. The idea seemed simple enough, but that was not how people saw it. Since men traditionally pay for first dates, a lot of them were for the concept. They believed it would provide them the opportunity to determine if a woman was “using them for a free meal or not.” Whereas, most women were anti the idea, viewing the concept as just another way men were trying to control this already patriarchal society. Women saw pre-dates as more of a determining scale of whether they were worthy to be taken on an actual date or not, an idea that is presented on Twitter often.

The conversations of “ women being worthy enough of…” is something that is often discussed on social media sites and in real everyday life. It’s no secret, that society expects women to fit within this unrealistic ideal box, and if she refuses then she shouldn’t expect to receive the same rewards as the women that do. Rewards such as respect, marriage, and quality dates, because let’s be honest, most people don’t view those notions as things women deserve but more as concepts women are rewarded for having “good behavior.” Pre-dates seemed to be just another way to prolong the reward of a decent date. Something women deserve to have anyway.

Why Pre-Dates Are A Waste Of Time

All in all even after women presented the problems with a said pre-date, a few men continued to argue that the idea had nothing to do with a woman’s worth but more about their wallets. They began to express how they were tired of taking women on dates that had little to no interest in them, and felt a pre-date would help the men to determine a woman’s real intentions. A point I could understand, however, one pre-date will not help expose someone’s ill intentions, that is something that can only be realized over time.

As much as everyone could go back and forth over the idea of pre-dates, the larger issue this discussion brings up is our generations’ lack of self-awareness. All of the worries a pre-date is supposed to cure could be eliminated if us millennials honed in on our self-awareness and asked more questions. We need to start asking ourselves things like: Does this person like me as more than a friend? Do I have the same ideals as them? Do we laugh at the same things? Do we have the same pastimes in common? Then, it would become obvious if someone could potentially match our romantic interest or not. And guess what? You could do all of those things and then go on a date and it still not work out. Not every date you go on is supposed to end with a fairy tale ending.

Would You Go On A Predate?

The sooner our generation realizes that concepts like a “pre date” or “talking” won’t save us from being hurt or used, the better off we’ll be. Dating isn’t easy, but it is not supposed to be overly complex either. Dating is a supposed to be a learning tool to help you figure out exactly what you want and don’t want in your future partner. So don’t waste your time going on or asking for a pre-date. Go on a real date, enjoy the experience and just talk! If it turns into more great, and if it doesn’t...well at least you have another funny story to tell your future grandkids.
Happy Dating!


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Respect In A Relationship: Dating Advice For Not Having A Controlling Relationship

As adults, having respect in a relationship is critical for maintaining a healthy relationship! Here are some do's and don'ts for not having a controlling relationship!

 
Respect In A Relationship: Dating Advice For Not Having A Controlling Relationship

As adults, if we're in a relationship, you shouldn't have to tell your partner what they need to do to respect the relationship. But of course, there are people out there that lack home training and genuinely don't understand how to respect a relationship. 

A Night Out

If we're in a relationship, you shouldn't have to tell your significant other not to go out because they should know how to carry themselves accordingly. Your partner still needs to have a personal life so it's okay for them to have a night out with their friends. Give them their personal space and don't think thoughts like is he cheating or is she cheating, or having a secret affair. You can usually tell signs of cheating so trusting your partner is important for healthy relationships. Every time you go out, you're a representative of that person, don't embarrass them because a few people tried to show you some attention for a night! Don't lose the potential love of your life for a hoe for the night. A night out should not end up being a reason for breaking up with someone.

>> RELATED: Dating Tips For Women: Why Pre-Dates Are A Waste Of Time

Cut Off Season

If we're in a relationship, you shouldn't have to tell your partner not to be texting other people. If you need to ask if what you're doing is disrespectful, 9 times out 10 it is. You chose to date this person, so all your hoes, sides, snacks, buddies, whatever you call them...they need to go, cut off season! Not everyone has mastered the art of cutting people off and ending a relationship, so many people weed themselves out of healthy relationships by the inability to do this. You can't carry old baggage into a new relationship; let them go and move on with your new boo.

Respect In A Relationship

Social Media

If we're dating, you shouldn't have to tell your partner how to act on social media sites. If you have to check them multiple times about social media incidents, they just aren't listening. You shouldn't have to tell them not to leave heart eyes under other people's pictures or anything that comes off as flirtatious, respect the relationship! Not everyone lives in the spotlight and broadcasts their significant other on social media platforms and thats okay, but just because you don't broadcast the relationship doesn't mean you don't have to respect it! Don't let a great networking tool be the downfall of your relationship. Social media is not the reason you fell in love with your partner, so enjoy the romance away from social media. 

Breaking Up With Someone

Dress

If we're dating, you shouldn't have to tell your partner how to dress. Guys have more of a tendency to get upset over how women dress then vice versa. It's the male ego. Men sometimes associate how a woman dresses with being too sexy and flirty, and that's not always the case. Women wear what they wear for style, and self confidence; their clothes make them feel good about themselves. Don't put a woman in a box because you felt insecure about her style for the day; if she's for you then she's for you, she'll respect the relationship no matter what she wears. Trust your partner and practice good communication in relationships and this eliminate certain relationship issues.

THIS ARTICLE IS RELATED TO: relationship questions, respect in a relationship, relationship goals, relationship advice, dating advice, relationship issues


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Interracial Dating: 4 Questions Strangers Ask About My Interracial Relationship

Dating outside your race is becoming more common in today’s society, but there are still some people who have issues with interracial dating. We discuss some of the questions and difficulties of interracial relationships!

 
247 Live Culture
Interracial Dating: 4 Questions Strangers Ask About My Interracial Relationship

By Abina George

I am a black woman strewn in a sea of confusion. Amidst America’s race wars and growing conflict, I find myself questioning myself and where I stand. Strangers try to make sense of my decision of dating outside my race and their questioning has led me to have questions about myself.

I began dating a white-passing person of color years ago. I had the usual concerns. Are we a good match? Do we share the same beliefs and future goal? But of course, race-related questions circulated through my head. Will this person understand my culture? Is he accepting and wholly willing to participate in my culture? Are there any prejudices I should know about?

After all of these questions, that fact that he was a different race never bothered me. Society likes to place barriers to anything and everything. If someone is willing to become a member of my family and treat us all with much-deserved respect, why should race be an issue?

You are diluting the bloodline.

There isn’t a person in modern society that has a perfect bloodline. In a country where we were taught to hold the one drop rule as king, being Black is more than a percentage of DNA, it’s the culture we’ve passed down for generations.

You are trying to produce mixed race kids.

Since I am dating someone from a different ethnicity, our kids most likely will look mixed. This is not preferred by any means. A healthy child, which so many are deprived of, is the preferred outcome. Suppose my children are darker than one would ever imagine? I will be blessed and as thankful as one could be. And if they are light? We will be equally as blessed and grateful.

Interracial Dating

You must despise your own race.

I love my race and our history and culture run through my veins. My children will likewise grow up in the culture and learn to be a voice for our community. If they have light-skinned privilege, they will be taught to speak up in support of the diaspora. It just so happens that my choice of partner does not look like me, but we share the same values.

You think white men are better.

This is an abhorrent lie that is spread through the media. Dating a white man is thought of as a step up from one’s race in every story. There is nothing wrong with Black men nor do I have an aversion to them. Black men are also God’s beautiful creation. It just so happens I’m dating a “white” guy.

In the end, we are two souls, bound by like minds. We picked each other, not because of race, but because of similar character and personalities. The concerns of others won’t stop of from being our best selves and growing with one another.


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Relationship Therapy: 4 Steps To Help With Trust Issues In A Relationship

Trust is one of the single most important things there is to have between you and another person in a serious relationship. Here are some relationship tips to help with trust issues in your relationships!

 
Trust Issues In A Relationship

By: Alyssa Cole

Trust is one of the single most important things there is to have between you and another person. Whether it's your husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, friends, or even co-workers, having trust is important to the success of all healthy relationships especially a serious relationship. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you lost trust in someone? They lied to you about something? They kept something important from you? They weren’t honest with you about something that was impactful to you?

This is very common! You may see social media today quotes and tweets with people saying things like “I have trust issues”, “I’m afraid to open up”, “I don’t want to get close to anybody”, “I’m tired of being hurt”. Losing trust in someone special to you can seem like the end of the world sometimes and for many, it can take a long time to regain trust.

Lack of trust, however, is one the worst traits to have when you are trying to develop a new relationship or to save one. Many couples have experienced situations that created a lack of “trust” and the end results have been heartbreaking. Sometimes situations are better off ending, but the ones worth saving require a few steps to get back to that happy medium. Let’s discuss some steps to take when trying to learn how to trust again.

1) Switch Shoes - Switching places with the person that broke your trust to understand why they made the choice that they did, can be very beneficial to you. Have you stopped to ask yourself why they kept something from you? Was it to really hurt you? Was it intentional? Having an open mind to think about the other person’s mindset could help you get a better understanding of the situation.

Trust Issues In A Relationship

2) Right Time, Right Place - When you’ve had time to think things through about the situation that hurt you, decide when is the right opportunity to bring the conversation up to find a solution. If you react too quickly, the relationship can suffer damages that may be avoided if you wait just a little while to think things out. There is a time and a place for everything, especially when getting back together.

3) Tone is Everything - The way you approach your first conversation after the situation can potentially determine the results. You could be having thoughts like "I don't wanna do this anymore" or "should I break up with my boyfriend" but take your time and think through. You’re already upset, you’re emotional, and possibly still gathering your thoughts even when going into the conversation, so choose wisely your attitude and volume when talking. When tension is high, there is a greater risk of escalation and it’s crucial to avoid any unnecessary conflict. Remember this is someone you care about! Even though you may be upset, remember to keep your cool, watch your tone, and respect each other’s space. Just talk it out; communication in relationships can keep you from breaking up with someone you love and ending a relationship.

Getting Back Together

4) Talk It Out, Move Forward - Once you have the conversation, the most important thing from there is to LET IT GO! This is the step that many people struggle with depending on the situation. How often have you heard someone say that they tried but they just couldn’t stop thinking about the past? No! No! No! If you let the past control your relationship, you could end up in a broken relationship! Be strong enough to let the situation go and move forward with them if it’s a relationship truly working saving. Even if you can’t accept the situation and remain close to the person, make it a goal to forgive them, to move forward, and to not hold a grudge over it. Remember that when you don’t forgive, you give the other person power over you. Don’t you want your power? Talk it out and move forward!

Without trust, no serious relationship can be stable, so as people we must learn how to trust and when we lose our trust in others, we must be willing to forgive and to move forward without holding on to past hurt. When you let the pain go, that is when you start to truly live and love again.

Lastly, take your time when healing to ensure that your trust in other's won't suffer in the future. The last thing you want to do is lose out on great people due to holding on to the past right? Remember, trust is key!


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The Social Pressure To Lose Your Virginity

We are a nation obsessed with losing your virginity. Has sex become overemphasized to be seen as more important than it actually is? We discuss the social pressure to lose your virginity!

 
Losing Your Virginity

By: Abina George

We are a nation obsessed with losing your virginity. We have countless movies centered around this concept of purity and the necessity to rip it away, which in turn has created a social pressure to lose your virginity. It’s the only way to purge the innocence and ignorance of childhood and begin to enjoy adulthood in its entirety. Or so the media programs us to think.

According to the media, adulthood is this magical time when a child matures and is finally able to enjoy the freedom and whims of adulthood. Movies like the 40-Year-Old Virgin feed on the fear of many that their life will be unfulfilled without intercourse and enforced the idea that those who aren’t sexually active are social outcasts.

>> SEE ALSO: Relationship Therapy: 4 Steps To Help With Trust Issues In A Relationship

Many have an abrupt realization that adulthood is not as glamorous as many would like you to think. The cost of a few intimate moments can result in STIs and possibly even pregnancy. Many women’s magazines encourage sexual prowess but neglect to list the dangers or the steps one needs to take to stay safe. Then connections with possible partners can be taxing. Some people just don’t mesh well together, and some are just out for conquests.

>> SEE ALSO: Shoot Your Shot: Why A Guy Gets Rejected

American culture dictates that one stipulation of happiness is to be sexually liberated. A person’s desire to prolong the beginning of a sexual life or pickiness of one’s partners is deemed prudish and bizarre.

Respect for a woman’s choice to keep her body to herself is scoffed upon. Many seem to view a woman’s body as a tool to be used by others. Sex is expected after receiving minor niceties. Physical labor such as housework is often understood as the price we pay for a relationship with a man. Overall, a woman’s body is commonly seen as something to be had and used by men.

Women should have the same rights as men. The problem is that most people don’t take seriously the mental and physical dangers involved in sex. A woman should not be ridiculed for making the same sexual choices as a man and more importantly, women should not be pressured into such a huge decision with various possible negative results.

A person has as much right to abstain from sex as those that chose to engage in it. Virgins should not be pressured into such a large event in their lives. For those who decide waiting until marriage is the right decision, that choice should be supported and accepted by peers as much as being sexually active already is.

Enjoy life without the pressures others place upon your body. Your body is yours alone and only you suffer the consequences of these decisions.


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Dating Advice: 4 Signs You're Dating Someone Emotionally Unavailable

Are you getting to know someone who doesn't quite seem like they’re ready to let their guard down? Here are 4 signs that you may be dating someone emotionally unavailable!

 
Dating Advice

By: Alyssa Cole

Are you getting to know someone who doesn't quite seem like their ready to let their guard down? Feeling constantly blocked out when a deep conversation begins? Are they struggling with moving forward to become serious with you? This type of person is not ready for a serious relationship. All of the these situations could stem from two words....EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE! 

Emotionally Unavailable

This term has become a popular thing among the young generations when explaining why they just aren't ready to move forward. Everyone is different and has their different reasons for why they are emotionally unavailable, but am I the only one that gets confused when they do everything like a boyfriend/girlfriend, acts just like a boyfriend/girlfriend, doesn't want to see you with anyone else, but then comes back to you saying their not ready to actually be that special someone to you.

Letting go of a relationship

Yes, this can be very frustrating! What's worse is if you invest so much time into someone and don't catch the signs early. We are all just looking for someone who is also focused on growing together and build with so who wants to waste time right?! 

Want to know how you can detect if your potential love interest may be emotionally unavailable? 

>> SEE ALSO: The Social Pressure To Lose Your Virginity

4 Signs You're Dating Someone Emotionally Unavailable

The Freak - Watch out for this one. They will try to snatch your soul in the sheets quickly but when things start to get a little too deep and you become intimate with this person, they tend to slowly fall back and eventually take off.

When I'm Free - Now this one is the type that only wants to hang out or be sexual when they are in the mood and focuses more so on what they desire and not you. This one can be tricky to spot sometimes if you're dealing with a "nice person". They may come up with excuses as to why they can't do things on your time and even may disappear for days or weeks after just being cuddled up with you while watching movies. Crazy right?

 The Complainer - This person will talk about everything their ex did to hurt the relationship but won't own up to where they may have failed to make it work. They like playing the victim and may lack emotional maturity and display it by talking bad about their ex if you ask questions about the previous relationship. It's clear they aren't letting go of a relationship and is a big sign that they may not be emotionally ready for a new relationship.

The " I don't think/I just cant" person - Have they ever said things like "I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship right now", " I don't know how a relationship could work for me at this point", I don't think commitment is for me", or "I'm just not good at relationships"?  This person is letting you know without saying it that they clearly are NOT READY for a serious relationship. Do not be the person that wants to be a superwoman/superman and feel like you are just the person to fix all their problems. Don't do it!!! Pay attention to their words because if they are saying things like this, nine times out of ten, they probably mean it. 

 Pay attention to these types of people and signs you are experiencing. Ask yourself is this the type of person you're dealing with? If someone is emotionally unavailable you must understand that it can take time for them to fully move forward in a relationship. Is it something you are willing to accept? Or do you feel you deserve someone who is open to moving forward with you now?

Choose Wisely.

THIS ARTICLE IS RELATED TO: relationship questions, relationship advice, emotional intelligence, emotional abuse, dating problems advice, advice on love and relationships


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Commitment Issues: What Does Commitment Look Like These Days

What does commitment mean for modern day relationships? When did it become negative to have feelings for someone or admit that you’re falling in love? We discuss commitment issues and what a committed relationship looks like in 2018!

 
Commitment Issues

By: Alyssa Cole

Scrolling down timelines on social media today with this new generation includes seeing selfies, fashion, quotes, and oh yea Love Memes! Or can you even call it that to be honest? You see a lot of “I wish I had this” or “All I need is that” type of thing not realizing that hey your mystery lover isn’t going to find you just from ten thousand retweet’s or reposts about what you wish you could find. Sorry!!! One of the best quotes about life that comes to mind is “Walk the walk and talk the talk”.

So many young people say one thing but when someone is right in front of them that may be just the person for them they get hesitant, fearful, sometimes skeptical, or even simply just realize their fear of commitment. Come Again?!!

Fear Of Commitment

Makes no sense some may say looking in from the outside, but our way of communicating as young people has changed drastically. The tv series “Grown-ish” really displayed it best for the young people. We lack communicating our feelings or make it harder than it needs to be sometimes.

We don’t want to come off too clingy but deep down want that person all to ourselves, we hate seeing that person with other people, but can’t seem to stand up and say “Look I like you and I want to see where this thing could go”. When did feelings become such a negative thing?! Some may blame the environment you grew up in. Divorce ratings are around 50% in likelihood of occurring in America to the average married couple and has been said to have an effect on children even down to the child not desiring in the future marriage or a long term committed relationship. Let that sink in for a second.

Now some may say that sounds crazy but from countless conversations with people, I’ve personally found that more people have said they don’t have any reasons to get married or have doubts about marriage and majority of these people have experienced divorce or separation within their households.

Now although this doesn’t relate to every person in this situation, it’s still eye opening to the impact it can really have on a person. Aside from divorce being a reason, some people just don't want to put in the effort to build something that grows into marriage or even worse, some people just have a ton of expectations or excuses why someone they've met or came across isn't right for them without really taking the time to give them a chance. Have you been guilty of any of these in the past?

Commitment Issues

As generations continue to grow, the traditional lifestyle fades out and new values and lifestyles slide on in. What will getting married look like in ratings in the next ten years? Will it turn around or will it continue to decrease? Will commitment become extinct at some point or will more young people see the value in it and try to put effort into something long lasting? Only time will tell right?!

One thing we all know is that effective communication in relationships is key agreed? So if we lose sight of how to do that, how can friendships and relationships last? In general, we are all trying to figure out how to become successful and live our best life! Just something to think about!

THIS ARTICLE IS RELATED TO: commitment issues, committed relationship, relationship commitment, relationship commitment issues, dating advice


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Shoot Your Shot: Why A Guy Gets Rejected

“Why do I keep getting rejected?” If you shoot your shot, there is a chance that you will fail to score! We discuss what keeps men from sealing the deal!

 
Why A Guy Gets Rejected

By: Danielle Layne

Most of my time on Facebook is spent reading memes and horror stories where someone gets rejected and chaos ensued. I often view many posts of men going off on women because those women were not interested. If you shoot your shot, there is a chance that you will fail to score Therefore I decided to share a few possible reasons why the men failed to score, whether online or in person.

Why Men May Fail to Score

1. No Understanding of How to Make Conversation

Some dudes believe that they should inject a “Wyd” in a female’s inbox everyday and get miraculous results.  Just no.  Who wants to tell some random person a daily log of their activities?  

2.  Dating Anxiety: Hot to Not be Nervous on a Date

Even when a guy successfully gets to go on a date with a woman that interests him, he proceeds to sit, stare and cold-sweat during most of the date.  This is annoying and the female on the date might think that this dude has the personality of a wet noodle.  Or worse, she may be wondering if she is now on a date with a serial killer.  Deal-breaker much? 

3.  Jack of all trades.

What is up with men who try to pursue multiple females at the same time?  Does he want to form an all-female basketball team?  Is he looking for a sister-wife or nah? I had a dude call me and have long conversations for almost a month, only to realize he was calling my friend and coworker too.  On the same day.  With the same questions.  Why??

4.  You Talk Too Much: Learn How to Talk to Women

This is an unfortunate consequence of a nervous or overly confident man. Just this week I stood in a bank queue in front of a young couple. I swear, the young man spoke about himself for a good forty-five minutes. His companion could hardly get a word in edgeways. Don’t be that guy.

5.  Don't Understand How to Handle Rejection

This point is really for the keyboard warriors who inbox women with “Good morning”, “Wyd”, “You’re beautiful” or any variation of this.  These messages may signify interest and if she is happily taken, they only serve to annoy.  What is a man expecting to gain from telling a woman she is beautiful multiple times if she already has a partner who tells her such.  Yes, it is a compliment that most women will graciously accept. Telling this to her repeatedly may just be a waste of the dude’s time.

How to deal with rejection

How Do We Change This? 

In order to change some of these misses to hits, we need to consider a few things.

  1. Figure out why you want to speak to this woman. Is she a pretty Instagrammer that everyone seems to adore? Do you think she has a wonderful personality and will be a great wife and mother? If it is the former, it’s best that you move it along. If it is the latter, then hey-give it a go.

  2. Ask questions to find out the woman’s interests. What are her hobbies? Her idea of a casual date? What does she like to talk about? If you find out the answer to some of these questions, then you are well on your way

Of course, I am only one woman so what is written above represents my opinion.  Dudes if you “wyd” and “hey beautiful” and your strategy opens doors, then by all means don’t change.  If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.


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