Stay the Course: Remember Why You Started

Photo Credit: valentinrussanov via iStockPhoto.com

By: Jamila Gomez

Life has a funny way of testing you when you’re chasing a dream. That passion that once lit a fire in your soul can sometimes feel like a burden when challenges come knocking. The excitement you had when you started can fade under the weight of doubt, exhaustion, and the pressure to make things happen—especially in a world where Black excellence is expected to be twice as good just to be considered enough.

But let’s pause for a second.

Think back to why you started. What was the vision that kept you up at night? What was the dream that made you step out in faith, despite the odds? That fire you felt in the beginning is still there—it’s just waiting for you to fan the flames again.

The Weight of the Journey

Let’s be real: sometimes the journey is heavier than expected. Maybe you launched your business, but the sales aren’t rolling in the way you hoped. Maybe you started school, but the workload is pushing you to your limit. Maybe you set out to create change in your community, but the resistance has you wondering if it’s even worth it.

We’ve all been there.

The pressure, the setbacks, the moments of doubt—it’s easy to lose sight of the original vision when you’re knee-deep in the process. But don’t let temporary obstacles make you forget the long-term goal. You didn’t start just to quit.

Reconnect with Your “Why”

When the road gets tough, it’s time to ground yourself in your “why.”

• Remember who you’re doing it for. Is it for the little kid who looks up to you? The ancestors who paved the way? The future generations who deserve to see what’s possible?

• Revisit the passion. What made you excited in the first place? Sometimes, stepping away from the grind to reflect can reignite that passion.

• Acknowledge your progress. You may not be where you want to be yet, but you’re not where you started either. Celebrate the wins, no matter how small.

Keep Going—Your Future Self is Counting on You

Success isn’t about avoiding obstacles—it’s about pushing through them. Every great Black entrepreneur, artist, activist, and leader we admire had moments where they wanted to quit. But they didn’t. They kept showing up, pushing forward, and staying the course.

And now it’s your turn.

So take a deep breath, straighten your crown, and remind yourself: You are capable. You are worthy. And you didn’t come this far just to come this far. Keep going.

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Walking in Purpose Without Seeking Validation

Photo Credit: CarlosDavid.org via iStockPhoto.com

By: Jamila Gomez

In a world that thrives on likes, shares, and external recognition, it’s easy to fall into the trap of seeking validation. We’re constantly bombarded with images and messages that tell us our worth is determined by how others perceive us. But what happens when the applause fades, when the accolades are few, or when our path is misunderstood? The truth is, the journey of walking in purpose requires a mindset that goes beyond the need for validation.

The Illusion of Validation

Validation feels good—it’s a warm embrace from the world that says, “You’re on the right track.” But relying on it can be a slippery slope. When we seek validation, we often find ourselves swayed by the opinions of others, whether they align with our purpose or not. The danger here is that external validation can become a substitute for internal conviction.

Imagine a seedling growing in a forest. It doesn’t wait for the other trees to give it permission to grow; it pushes through the soil, reaching for the sun, because that’s what it was designed to do. In the same way, we are all designed with a unique purpose. Our growth and success aren’t dependent on the validation of others but on our ability to stay true to that purpose.

Purpose Is Internal, Not External

Your purpose is a deeply personal calling. It’s the reason you were created, the contribution only you can make to the world. This calling doesn’t come with a need for external approval. It’s not about fitting into the mold others have created for you but about breaking out of it to fulfill your unique destiny.

When you walk in your purpose, your focus shifts from “What will people think?” to “What am I meant to do?” This shift is powerful. It frees you from the constraints of people-pleasing and allows you to pursue what truly matters.

Validation Is Fleeting, but Purpose Is Steadfast

The need for validation can be exhausting because it’s never fully satisfied. One day you’re praised, the next you’re criticized. If you base your actions on the reactions of others, you’ll find yourself on an emotional roller coaster, constantly chasing the next high of approval. But purpose is different. It’s a steady, unchanging force that doesn’t waver with public opinion.

Purpose gives you the courage to stand firm in your beliefs, even when others don’t understand. It’s the guiding light that keeps you moving forward, even when the path is lonely. When you embrace your purpose, you develop an inner resilience that’s not easily shaken by external circumstances.

The Power of Internal Validation

Internal validation comes from knowing your worth and your mission. It’s about having a deep, unshakable belief in your abilities and your purpose. This self-assurance doesn’t require constant reinforcement from others because it’s rooted in something far more substantial—your core values, your passion, and your unique gifts.

To cultivate internal validation, practice self-reflection. Take time to connect with your inner self and understand your motivations, strengths, and desires. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and recognize the value you bring to the world, independent of anyone else’s opinion.

Walking in Purpose Without Needing Validation

Walking in purpose means taking action aligned with your calling, regardless of who is watching or what they’re saying. It’s about living authentically, making decisions based on your values, and pursuing your goals with passion and persistence.

Here are a few practical steps to help you walk in purpose without seeking validation:

1. Define Your Purpose: Get clear on what you’re here to do. What are your passions? What impact do you want to make? Understanding your purpose gives you a clear direction and a reason to keep going, even when validation is lacking.

2. Set Boundaries: Protect your purpose by setting boundaries. Limit your exposure to negative influences and opinions that may derail you from your path. Surround yourself with people who support your journey, but don’t rely on them for validation.

3. Trust Your Intuition: Your intuition is a powerful guide. Trust it to lead you in the right direction, even when others don’t see the vision. Your purpose is often something only you can fully understand, so give yourself permission to follow your instincts.

4. Celebrate Your Own Wins: Don’t wait for others to acknowledge your progress. Celebrate your milestones and accomplishments, no matter how small. This reinforces your sense of purpose and reminds you that you’re on the right track.

5. Practice Gratitude: Focus on what you have, not what you lack. Gratitude shifts your mindset from seeking external approval to appreciating the journey you’re on. It reminds you that your purpose is a gift, and you’re privileged to live it out.

Walking in purpose without needing validation is a liberating experience. It allows you to pursue your calling with confidence, resilience, and authenticity. When you free yourself from the need for external approval, you unlock the full potential of your purpose. Remember, your worth isn’t determined by how others see you; it’s defined by how true you are to yourself and the unique path you’re meant to walk. Embrace your purpose, and let it guide you—validation will become an afterthought, not a necessity.

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10 Tips For Creating a Life That You Love and Enjoy

By: Jamila Gomez

Creating a life you love is a deeply personal and transformative journey. It involves self-discovery, purposeful action, and a commitment to growth and happiness. Here are some actionable tips to help you design a life that resonates with your values and passions!

1. Self-Discovery and Clarity

- Reflect on Your Values: Identify what truly matters to you. Your values are the compass that guides your decisions and actions.

- Set Clear Goals: Define what success and happiness mean to you. Set both short-term and long-term goals that align with your values.

2. Cultivate Positive Habits

- Daily Routines: Establish routines that promote physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Morning and evening rituals can set a positive tone for your day.

- Mindfulness and Gratitude: Practice mindfulness to stay present and appreciative of the moment. Keeping a gratitude journal can help you focus on the positive aspects of your life.

3. Pursue Passion and Purpose

- Follow Your Interests: Engage in activities that excite and energize you. Whether it’s a hobby, a creative pursuit, or a professional path, following your passion can bring immense joy and fulfillment.

- Contribute to Something Greater: Find ways to give back to your community or support causes you believe in. A sense of purpose often comes from helping others and making a positive impact.

4. Build Meaningful Relationships

- Connect with Like-minded People: Surround yourself with supportive, inspiring individuals who share your values and interests.

- Nurture Existing Relationships: Invest time and energy in your current relationships. Quality over quantity is key when it comes to meaningful connections.

5. Embrace Change and Growth

- Stay Open to New Experiences: Be willing to step out of your comfort zone and try new things. Personal growth often occurs when we challenge ourselves.

- Learn Continuously: Commit to lifelong learning. Read books, take courses, and seek knowledge that can enhance your personal and professional life.

6. Practice Self-Care and Well-Being

- Physical Health: Prioritize exercise, nutrition, and adequate rest. A healthy body supports a healthy mind.

- Mental Health: Take care of your mental well-being through practices like meditation, therapy, or journaling. Address stress and seek help when needed.

7. Manage Time and Energy Wisely

- Prioritize Tasks: Focus on what’s most important and urgent. Use tools like to-do lists and calendars to stay organized.

- Balance Work and Leisure: Ensure you have time for relaxation and activities you enjoy. A balanced life is crucial for sustained happiness.

8. Financial Wellness

- Create a Budget: Manage your finances by creating and sticking to a budget. Financial stability reduces stress and opens up opportunities.

- Invest in Your Future: Save and invest wisely. Plan for both short-term needs and long-term goals.

9. Be Resilient and Adaptable

- Embrace Setbacks: Understand that setbacks are part of the journey. Learn from failures and use them as stepping stones to success.

- Stay Flexible: Be open to changing your plans as needed. Life is unpredictable, and flexibility can help you navigate challenges effectively.

10. Celebrate Your Journey

- Acknowledge Achievements: Take time to celebrate your successes, no matter how small. Recognizing progress boosts motivation and confidence.

- Enjoy the Process: Focus on enjoying the journey, not just the destination. Find joy in the daily steps you take towards your goals.

Creating a life you love is an ongoing process that requires introspection, effort, and resilience. By following these tips and remaining true to yourself, you can build a fulfilling and joyful life tailored to your unique aspirations and values.

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A Dream Deferred, A Purpose to be Fulfilled

“There were moments this year where I really questioned what God was doing and why. Why was I going through all this and watching some of my life-long dreams slip away from me?”

By: Danielle Wright

Growing up, I thought I would be married with kids by now. I thought I would be living the life I lived growing up – traveling the world with my husband and kids, getting together with my brother and his family so that our kids would grow up together. Now, I look at my life and see that my plans were grand, but maybe not what my life was supposed to be. Let society tell it, I’ve failed as a woman and there is something wrong with me for not even being married at this point. I am a 36-year-old, single, black, Christian woman and let church folks tell it, I might be intentionally delaying my destiny.

Either way, for some reason, it seems that women are expected to live a certain life by a certain age and if we are not doing so, something must be wrong with us. This thinking – along with some of the comments directed at me – left me quite jaded for some years. Over the last few years, I really became beside myself with the things people say – no – think they have the right to say – to women. My mood had become – “Stay off my ring finger and out of my reproductive system.” I was mean because I felt disrespected.

I had to often hold my tongue so I would not say things that would intentionally hurt others, but sometimes I asked why they felt they could ask me these questions. The response was always something related to what they thought or believed a woman of my age and intelligence and whatever else should be or have. They always thought it was a compliment, but it was more a reminder that my life was not what I thought it would be… until recently.

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2018 has brought some really tough challenges for me. One of those challenges was the realization I could not have children – so all those questions about when I was going to get married and put my reproductive system to use stung even more than ever before. And while these people do not know what my situation is, it should not have mattered. There are just some things you should never say to people – asking single women why we are not married and telling us we should be having kids by now are at the top of that list (for me). Quite frankly, it’s none of anyone’s business. Some people mean well, but others are just being nosey and want to provide input and advice where they were not asked and where it is not their place.

There were moments this year where I really questioned what God was doing and why. Why was I going through all this and watching some of my life-long dreams slip away from me? Was this really what He had for me? Was this truly my destiny? I always assumed I would get married and birth some beautiful, intelligent, athletic babies –  I wanted a house filled with kids. I wanted my own starting lineup! As time went on this year, I became more aware that the situation I was facing would not only threaten those dreams but kill those dreams. In May, the dream of birthing my own children was officially ousted. I was, and still am, crushed. But in my brokenness, I found something greater.

In my brokenness I found  - ME.

The discomfort and the pain forced me to face a fear – the fear of living this life without fulfilling one of my greatest dreams. Deep down I know I can be a mother in so many other ways but, while I was processing this situation, I didn’t care anything about alternative means of motherhood. I wanted kids the way I wanted and was inconsolable to alternatives. But in the midst of this pain – in the midst of deep mourning and uncertainty, I found a version of myself I had never met -- stronger, more determined and more resilient. I found a version of myself that refused to succumb to my own pain or buy into anyone else’s expectations.

I truly began to see myself as a whole woman made in the image of God, not in the eyes of society. I saw myself as the alternative - having a desire to marry and have a family yet understand and being at peace with the fact that I am no less a woman if those things do not happen. I began to speak over myself the things that God said I am (Proverbs 31, Proverbs 11:16, Titus 2:3-5, Matthew 5:1-12, Psalm 8:3-8, Deuteronomy 10:17-19, and more). It’s so easy to get caught up in what others think of you and pressure yourself to fit into a mold not meant for you.

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My brokenness helped me break the mold. It helped me cry out to God in ways and with a frequency to which I was not accustomed. But I found a newer version of me - an improved version. I was finally able to accept the alternative methods of motherhood and understood that I could not have mothered anyone in my condition. I suddenly had a deeper and completely raw understanding of letting go of what I want in order for God to give me everything I need.

In May 2018 I underwent life-changing surgery. It was not what I wanted, but it was what I needed. It shifted my health and began the process of healing from a condition that had overtaken my existence - I was fatigued, in constant excruciating pain, bleeding uncontrollably and randomly and on treatments that my body was rejecting, rendering them ineffective and useless. As time has gone on since the surgery, I have learned the following:

1. God is greater than our plans. His forward-thinking and ability to see the best for us causes Him to work things out for us in ways that are truly beneficial for us, even if we cannot immediately recognize that work.

2. Our purpose is not tied up in what we’ve been through or what others say about us. Our purpose is intricately and delicately planned by God and no one’s opinion can change what He has purposed us to do.

3. Motherhood is more than conceiving, carrying and birthing. It is one of the most pure and divine forms of love anyone can give or receive. It is not determined by a woman’s ability to physically give birth, rather it is the ability to put yourself to the side, sacrifice, nurture, care for and raise up another human being to be the best version of themself. Women are so much more than our reproductive systems and, no matter how faulty, we are still fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God.

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God has not forgotten me. I believe He is preparing a means for me to be a mother to children who desperately need the love and care that only a mother can provide. Moreover, I know He took me through some low points to show me that neither hell, high water, low valleys, dark nights nor mourning can keep me from living in my purpose. What He has predestined for me to be, I shall be and He has equipped me with everything I need to live in that purpose.

God takes everything we are, everything we’ve been through and everything we need and creates this beautiful masterpiece - unique, beautifully flawed, priceless. I look back on what I’ve overcome and see that each stroke of God’s brush - the pain, the courageous moments, the health scares, the uncertainty, the anger and all that followed by moments of triumph, victory and joy - brought me to the point where I can now stand in the face of those things that once worried and upset me and say, “My purpose is sure.”

Physically birthing a child passed me over, but I am grateful God has held my position and reaffirmed my purpose - to be a mother.

John 15:16 - “You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you.”

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