Recovering From a Breakup: 5 Ways to Heal Through a Broken Heart
By: Kathleen Santos
They ended the relationship. Just like that, it’s over. No solid explanation given. Not reasonable enough for you, anyway. All you know is that they chose not to stay.
While mutual breakups tend to be more predictable, some of the most damaging types of romantic heartbreaks are the ones that you don’t anticipate. It’s not as easy to get in front of infidelity, ghosting, or rejection when you don’t see any of it coming.
Whether we like it or not, romantic heartbreak is an inevitable experience for us all. Not everyone will care to admit it, but the tailspin that usually follows can be pretty brutal. Naturally, we are emotional beings, which makes our unique human experience so beautiful and sometimes equally devastating.
Dealing with the ocean of emotions where anger or resentment, sadness or loneliness, anxiety or helplessness are all happening at once can be overwhelming, and at times, all-consuming. And so, what else is there to do, but sink into all of that dense energy? Deeply confused about how you got here, unsure about how long all this will last and praying you’ll be able to pull yourself through it sooner rather than later.
Here Are 5 Ways to Heal Through Heartbreak
1. Feel All The Feels
This first step may be more difficult for some than others, but learning how to effectively apply it is critical. When you’re sad, be sad. If you’re angry, sit in it. Do your best to feel your way through your intense frustrations or any anguish. These emotions are ‘energy in motion’ and this dense energy is what is causing your body to hold onto all of this tension.
Allowing yourself to feel these emotions is how you move this energy through your body to be released, so that your healing can begin. Heartbreak will absolutely manifest itself physically by way of losing sleep or weight loss or gain, in the form of headaches or body aches, and even a literal aching heart.
So, go ahead and cry, sleep when you feel like it, cry again, remember to drink some water and have a bite to eat, and cry some more. It may be at a gradual pace, but the release is working. Just don’t suppress these emotions otherwise you risk it bubbling right up again later. Go easy on yourself and just let it all come up and let go.
2. Let Your Loved Ones In
Some may say that the beginning stages of ‘feeling all the feels’ is best done in isolation, but at some point, everyone needs a shoulder to lean on. Show yourself some self-compassion by reaching out to someone you trust for support. If they call, pick up the phone. If they show up at your door, let them in. Graciously accept their offer to drop off some food or sit quietly with you to binge some TV for a few hours. However they show up for you, be grateful for their support in your healing.
3. Take Time to Reflect
Ms. Maya Angelou captures the sentiment of this critical step perfectly, “When you know better, you do better.” No one comes into our life by accident and everyone we encounter in life either brings us love or lessons. Experiencing an unexpected heartbreak may very well include a little of both and it’s our job to figure out what that relationship taught us about ourselves. This may mean having to relive some of those memories and emotions you already worked through, but, it’s part of the hard work.
While it may be justified (and easier) to place all the blame onto the other person, if you’re going to get any real value from this exercise on reflection, you’ll really need to dig deep to figure out what this experience revealed about you? Journaling is especially effective in uncovering the obvious and hidden wisdom here.
As long as you can keep it real, be open to hold yourself accountable for your part with what went wrong, then you open yourself up to developing greater discernment and ensure you’re not repeating behaviors in the future that don’t serve you. So, get your journal out - get comfortable with being uncomfortable, and stay open to discovering the layers of truths that this past relationship offers.
4. Love and Honor Yourself
A healthy dose of self-love will be a vital leap forward to getting to the other side of this. What is it that makes you feel good-mind, body and soul? Now this may look different today than it did a year ago or even five years ago. So, be excited, get creative and playful as you explore what makes you happy. This could look like:
-Creating Healthy Boundaries
Cultivating a Positive Mindset
Daily Affirmations
More Exercise
Upgrading To a Healthier Diet
Getting in Sync With Your Natural Sleep Cycle
Practicing Mindfulness
Reading a Good Book
Taking a Trip
Volunteering in Your Community
Cleaning Out Your Closet
Taking Your Dog to the Park
Scheduling a Spa Day
Or Even Some Retail Therapy
There are no wrong answers as long as it promotes your healing and it feels good. When we can get ourselves closer to a place of bliss and embrace who we are (flaws and all) and where we are in our life journey, we allow more space for gratitude and we end up positioning ourselves to receive even more blessings. And you deserve all of it!
5. Move Forward, Empowered
There is no denying that our emotions are powerful and can overpower us at times, especially after an unexpected and painful heartbreak. We know now, that this was never about them. This was always about you and your personal growth, so that you can better align to the good that you truly deserve. Move forward knowing that you have the ability to endure heartbreak and take control of your life, as long as we choose to respond.
In other words, moving through it is a choice - it’s not a matter of ‘can I’ get through it, it’s a matter of ‘when I’ get through it. Rejection is your protection and what’s for you, will never pass you by. Take a few moments when you get up in the morning, and before you go to sleep at night, to be still, and allow that to be your mantra. Allow it to reverberate through your body and take root in your DNA. Embody that self-love and it is promised that it will be reflected back to you! You got this!
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