7 Healing Tips for Letting Go of Someone You Still Love

Photo Credit: Prostock-studio

By: Jamila Gomez

Love is a beautiful emotion, but sometimes letting go becomes a necessary part of our journey. It can be incredibly challenging to release someone you still love, whether it's due to circumstances, personal growth, or a realization that the relationship isn't serving either party. However, letting go doesn't mean forgetting or erasing the love you once shared. Instead, it's about finding peace within yourself and moving forward with grace and understanding. Here are seven tips to help you navigate this difficult process:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

The first step towards healing is acknowledging your emotions. It's okay to feel sad, angry, or even relieved. Allow yourself to experience these feelings without judgment. Denying or suppressing your emotions will only prolong the healing process.

2. Accept Reality

Acceptance is key to letting go. Acknowledge that the relationship has come to an end or that it's no longer healthy for you to continue. This doesn't mean you have to like or agree with the situation, but accepting it can help you start the healing process. 

3. Focus on Yourself

Use this time to focus on self-care and self-discovery. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, whether it's pursuing a hobby, spending time with loved ones, or practicing mindfulness. Invest in yourself and prioritize your well-being.

4. Set Boundaries

If maintaining contact with your ex is hindering your healing process, consider setting boundaries or even cutting off communication temporarily. Creating space for yourself to heal and gain clarity without unnecessary distractions is important.

5. Practice Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not about excusing the other person's behavior but about releasing yourself from resentment and anger. This doesn't mean you have to forget what happened or reconcile with your ex. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, allowing you to move forward with a lighter heart.

6. Seek Support

Surround yourself with supportive friends and family members who can provide comfort and encouragement during this challenging time. Consider seeking professional help if you're struggling to cope with your emotions or if you need guidance on how to navigate the healing process.

7. Give Yourself Time

Healing takes time, and it's important to be patient with yourself. Don't rush the process or expect to feel better overnight. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship and trust that with time, you will find peace and acceptance.

Letting go of someone you still love is never easy, but it's often necessary for your own growth and well-being. By acknowledging your feelings, accepting reality, and focusing on self-care, you can navigate this difficult process with grace and resilience. Remember that healing is a journey, and you are deserving of love and happiness, both from others and from yourself.

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Recovering From a Breakup: 5 Ways to Heal Through a Broken Heart

By: Kathleen Santos

They ended the relationship. Just like that, it’s over. No solid explanation given. Not reasonable enough for you, anyway. All you know is that they chose not to stay.  

While mutual breakups tend to be more predictable, some of the most damaging types of romantic heartbreaks are the ones that you don’t anticipate. It’s not as easy to get in front of infidelity, ghosting, or rejection when you don’t see any of it coming. 

Whether we like it or not, romantic heartbreak is an inevitable experience for us all. Not everyone will care to admit it, but the tailspin that usually follows can be pretty brutal. Naturally, we are emotional beings, which makes our unique human experience so beautiful and sometimes equally devastating. 

Dealing with the ocean of emotions where anger or resentment, sadness or loneliness, anxiety or helplessness are all happening at once can be overwhelming, and at times, all-consuming. And so, what else is there to do, but sink into all of that dense energy? Deeply confused about how you got here, unsure about how long all this will last and praying you’ll be able to pull yourself through it sooner rather than later.  

Here Are 5 Ways to Heal Through Heartbreak

1. Feel All The Feels

This first step may be more difficult for some than others, but learning how to effectively apply it is critical. When you’re sad, be sad. If you’re angry, sit in it. Do your best to feel your way through your intense frustrations or any anguish. These emotions are ‘energy in motion’ and this dense energy is what is causing your body to hold onto all of this tension. 

Allowing yourself to feel these emotions is how you move this energy through your body to be released, so that your healing can begin.  Heartbreak will absolutely manifest itself physically by way of losing sleep or weight loss or gain, in the form of headaches or body aches, and even a literal aching heart. 

So, go ahead and cry, sleep when you feel like it, cry again, remember to drink some water and have a bite to eat, and cry some more. It may be at a gradual pace, but the release is working. Just don’t suppress these emotions otherwise you risk it bubbling right up again later. Go easy on yourself and just let it all come up and let go.

2. Let Your Loved Ones In

Some may say that the beginning stages of ‘feeling all the feels’ is best done in isolation, but at some point, everyone needs a shoulder to lean on. Show yourself some self-compassion by reaching out to someone you trust for support. If they call, pick up the phone. If they show up at your door, let them in. Graciously accept their offer to drop off some food or sit quietly with you to binge some TV for a few hours. However they show up for you, be grateful for their support in your healing. 

3. Take Time to Reflect

Ms. Maya Angelou captures the sentiment of this critical step perfectly, “When you know better, you do better.” No one comes into our life by accident and everyone we encounter in life either brings us love or lessons. Experiencing an unexpected heartbreak may very well include a little of both and it’s our job to figure out what that relationship taught us about ourselves. This may mean having to relive some of those memories and emotions you already worked through, but, it’s part of the hard work. 

While it may be justified (and easier) to place all the blame onto the other person, if you’re going to get any real value from this exercise on reflection, you’ll really need to dig deep to figure out what this experience revealed about you? Journaling is especially effective in uncovering the obvious and hidden wisdom here.

As long as you can keep it real, be open to hold yourself accountable for your part with what went wrong, then you open yourself up to developing greater discernment and ensure you’re not repeating behaviors in the future that don’t serve you. So, get your journal out - get comfortable with being uncomfortable, and stay open to discovering the layers of truths that this past relationship offers.

4. Love and Honor Yourself

A healthy dose of self-love will be a vital leap forward to getting to the other side of this. What is it that makes you feel good-mind, body and soul? Now this may look different today than it did a year ago or even five years ago. So, be excited, get creative and playful as you explore what makes you happy. This could look like:

• -Creating Healthy Boundaries

• Cultivating a Positive Mindset

• Daily Affirmations

• More Exercise

• Upgrading To a Healthier Diet

• Getting in Sync With Your Natural Sleep Cycle

• Practicing Mindfulness

• Reading a Good Book

• Taking a Trip

• Volunteering in Your Community

• Cleaning Out Your Closet

• Taking Your Dog to the Park

• Scheduling a Spa Day

• Or Even Some Retail Therapy 

There are no wrong answers as long as it promotes your healing and it feels good. When we can get ourselves closer to a place of bliss and embrace who we are (flaws and all) and where we are in our life journey, we allow more space for gratitude and we end up positioning ourselves to receive even more blessings. And you deserve all of it!

5. Move Forward, Empowered

There is no denying that our emotions are powerful and can overpower us at times, especially after an unexpected and painful heartbreak. We know now, that this was never about them. This was always about you and your personal growth, so that you can better align to the good that you truly deserve. Move forward knowing that you have the ability to endure heartbreak and take control of your life, as long as we choose to respond. 

In other words, moving through it is a choice - it’s not a matter of ‘can I’ get through it, it’s a matter of ‘when I’ get through it.  Rejection is your protection and what’s for you, will never pass you by. Take a few moments when you get up in the morning, and before you go to sleep at night, to be still, and allow that to be your mantra. Allow it to reverberate through your body and take root in your DNA. Embody that self-love and it is promised that it will be reflected back to you! You got this!

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Gray Expectations: 4 Tips For Navigating Through The Talking Stage

By: Kathleen Santos

Who else can relate?  It’s a match! Attraction was immediate based on each other's profile pics - so we swiped right. Or maybe we matched because we share a similar ideal and agree that people who find it fascinating to debate about ‘pineapples on pizza’ are corny. Maybe we’ve known each other from work, and one of us has only recently become single after being previously attached. 

Regardless of how it happens, the connection leads to more dialogue, an exchange of compliments and lots of flirtatious small talk.  Eventually, we link up, chemistry is dope, and at this point, no one is giving off any creepy or psycho vibes.  And so, our arduous dating journey begins.

Establishing a connection with someone you’re attracted to in-person may be more difficult to maneuver for some, but it’s not impossible as long as you’re being yourself. And with 24/7 access to potentials via dating apps and social media, shootin’ your shot is even easier since it requires little effort, just some audacity!

With billions of people on this planet, the odds on a good set of options, are in our favor.  Whether you’re dating with intention or just looking to add to the roster, we can all agree that this part of the process should be pretty easy. If you don’t think so, then you’re not ready to be out here just yet. Take your time and try again later. 

The next phase of the dating journey, however, could get more awkward and problematic. At the beginning, we are likely playing it real cool. We’ve probably agreed that we’re in this to get to know each other, have fun, and of course, “We’ll see where it goes...” No pressure. Before we know it, we’re spending more time, we’ve got the bedroom mixtapes on replay, and we’re really vibin’. Inevitably, someone catches feelings. Now what? Welp… We have now entered into an area of uncertainty or a space of gray expectations.

To be clear, this concept is most relevant when we’ve been hanging out for at least a couple of months, give or take a month. We’re still single, we see each other regularly, but we’ve not talked about being exclusive, so there aren’t any titles. But could we be headed in that direction? Our relationship status is unclear just as our expectations might be. Should we be planning to see each other regularly every week?  How often? What are the rules around daily calls and texts? What do I tell my friends or family who are curious about you? What about my roster? Am I supposed to be giving it up? If I do, you definitely need to give up yours. Is this even the time to have this conversation to define this relationship? What are we doing?? What are we??? Ugggghhhh… 

Managing the noise and our own well-being can be tricky when we are dating in a hookup culture that breeds anxiety, ambiguities, and situationships. Those looking for answers to these questions of who/what/where/how/why, might turn to Youtube or IG relationship gurus, dating coaches, and/or their friends who all have opinions and experiences to share about ‘what men/women really want’ or ‘how to get him/her to commit’.  Save yourself some valuable time in analysis paralysis and leave all that alone. If you do find yourself tumbling down this vast rabbit hole though and getting yourself stressed… please read on.

Being able to effectively navigate through this gray area will require understanding, accepting, and embracing the idea that you have absolutely no control over anyone, but you! So, to help you get through to the other side, keep the following in mind:

1. CoMmunicate, Communicate, Communicate

Suck it up, and talk it out. Be open and ensure that the two of you are on the same page about what you’re doing, so that you can move accordingly.

2. Require Respect and Healthy Boundaries

If the timing isn’t right to commit and slap a title on the relationship, but you decide to keep hanging out, then so be it. Understand, accept, and embrace this decision with no other expectations.  It will be important to continue to require respect and healthy boundaries, whether or not there is a commitment, so leave no room for misunderstanding there.

3. Keep The Focus On You!

If the person you want isn’t in a position to reciprocate, you need to STOP expending more energy and just match theirs.  Be committed to getting yourself ready for the right one who will be decisive and equipped to respond correctly.  In the meantime, keep your roster.  Get your mind, body, soul and bag right!  Stay productive, booked, and busy!  

4. Appreciate The Now

Maintaining a grateful mindset opens the door to more opportunities and results in benefits that include enhanced physical, emotional and mental health. So, be intentional about taking in the sights, sounds, and smells every day. Be aware of your feelings during the highs and lows, be present in all of it.  Be thankful for the wins and lessons. No one needs to be worried about yesterday, it’s long gone. And, while we can keep an eye on the future, we don’t live there. Let’s normalize and cherish being grateful and fully present.

Case in point, Miss Lori Harvey. While some may find her lifestyle choices controversial, Twitter has very recently reminded us that she might be able to teach us a few things. I mean, she is ‘Act Like a Lady and Think Like a Man’ personified (no doubt thanks to the Coach himself, Uncle Steve Harvey), so we should consider taking notes. 

Lots of people out here are happy to judge her for what she does or doesn’t do, how she lives her life, or her choices in men, but I can’t hate!  At this point in her life, Lori is doing what she is supposed to be doing.  She’s single, taking care of herself, living her life unapologetically, minding her business, doing what she wants and whoever she wants. Can’t be mad at that. What’s even more impressive? While she’s open to sharing, she’s not saying a damn thing more than she needs to about what she’s doing nor is she getting caught up in foolish gossip! And most importantly, she is not letting any man stress her!

In the meantime, Lori is continuing to mind her own and letting us in on who is putting a smile on her face (for now) as she pleases. And by the looks of Michael B. Jordan’s grin these days, he is loving being posted up. 

Bottomline: When you're having to navigate through a situationship with gray expectations, remember that it has less to do with the other person and more to do with ourselves. Your time is not frivolous. Let them know it’s earned. Keep the focus on your preparation, so when your level-up comes around, you are ready!

Lori Harvey and Michael B. Jordan

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