The Difference Between Chemistry & Compatibility: What Really Matters in Love
Understanding the difference between chemistry and compatibility in relationships can help you build lasting love by balancing passion with shared values, communication, and long-term stability. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
Love is a tricky game. One minute, you’re caught up in a whirlwind romance, feeling butterflies every time they text. The next, you’re side-eyeing them across the room, realizing you don’t actually like the same things, want the same future, or even argue in a way that makes sense. This is where the great debate begins: chemistry vs. compatibility—which one really matters in love?
What is Chemistry?
Chemistry is that instant spark. It’s the energy between two people that makes you feel drawn to them, sometimes without even knowing why. It’s the way they make you laugh, the inside jokes, the effortless conversation, and that deep, unspoken attraction that keeps you coming back for more. Chemistry is what makes a date go from “it was cool” to “I can’t stop thinking about them.”
But here’s the catch: chemistry alone won’t hold a relationship together. It’s like fireworks—beautiful and exciting but burns out quickly if there’s nothing to sustain it.
What is Compatibility?
Compatibility is the long game. It’s the foundation that keeps the house standing when the honeymoon phase fades. Being compatible means you and your partner align in important areas: values, goals, lifestyles, and the way you handle conflict.
Compatibility doesn’t always come with an immediate spark, which is why people sometimes overlook it. But it’s the reason some relationships last while others crash and burn.
Which One Matters More?
Let’s be real—chemistry feels amazing. It makes you giddy, makes your heart race, and gives you that feeling that you’ve found “the one.” But if you’re not compatible, all that excitement will eventually turn into frustration.
Think about it: You could have crazy chemistry with someone, but if they don’t respect your boundaries, don’t want the same type of relationship, or handle stress in a way that doesn’t align with yours, that chemistry won’t save you.
On the flip side, you could meet someone who is highly compatible—they share your values, communicate well, and want the same things—but if there’s no chemistry, the relationship might feel more like a friendship than a romance.
So, What’s the Answer?
Ideally, you want both. Chemistry makes things exciting, but compatibility keeps things stable. The best relationships have a balance of both—passion with a purpose, attraction with alignment.
If you’re caught up in a connection that’s all spark but no substance, ask yourself: Can I build a real future with this person? And if you’re in a relationship that makes sense on paper but lacks excitement, consider: Can we create a deeper connection over time?
At the end of the day, love should feel good and make sense. Don’t settle for just a spark or just stability—aim for a love that gives you both.
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Should We Stay Together for the Kids? Black Family Dilemmas
Explore whether staying together or separating is best for Black families, balancing stability with the impact of toxic relationships on children. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
The question of whether parents should stay together for the sake of their children is one that has sparked debate for generations. Within Black families, where historical and societal challenges have shaped family structures, this dilemma becomes even more complex. While stability is crucial for children, staying in an unhealthy or toxic relationship may do more harm than good.
The Importance of Family Stability
Children thrive in environments where they feel safe, loved, and supported. A two-parent household often provides financial stability, emotional security, and access to both parental figures, which can be beneficial for their development. Within the Black community, strong family units have historically served as a foundation for resilience against systemic obstacles such as economic disparities and racial discrimination.
For many, the desire to keep the family together is rooted in the cultural emphasis on unity and perseverance. Parents may feel an obligation to maintain a home where children can witness a partnership, believing that this will provide them with a sense of stability and belonging. Additionally, some fear that separation may perpetuate negative stereotypes surrounding Black families, particularly the challenges of single-parent households.
When Staying Together Becomes Harmful
While the intention to keep a family intact is commendable, staying in a dysfunctional or toxic relationship can have long-term negative effects on children. A household filled with constant conflict, lack of affection, or emotional neglect can create an environment of stress and insecurity. Children who witness frequent arguments, emotional detachment, or even abuse may develop anxiety, depression, or difficulty forming healthy relationships in adulthood.
Moreover, when parents remain in an unhappy relationship, they may unintentionally model unhealthy relationship dynamics. If children grow up seeing love portrayed as conflict-ridden or unfulfilling, they may internalize these patterns in their own future relationships. In this case, separation might actually serve as a healthier alternative, demonstrating that love should not come at the expense of personal well-being.
Finding the Right Balance
The decision to stay together or separate should ultimately prioritize the well-being of both the children and the parents. If parents believe that they can work through their issues through therapy, open communication, or personal growth, then staying together could be a viable option. However, if the relationship is beyond repair and negatively impacts the mental health of everyone involved, a peaceful co-parenting arrangement may be the best choice.
In the end, the most important factor is not whether both parents live under the same roof, but whether the children are raised in a loving, stable, and nurturing environment—wherever that may be.
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Why Taking a Break from Dating Might Be the Best Choice
Taking a break from dating empowers you to rediscover yourself, heal emotionally, and build independence, paving the way for healthier, more fulfilling relationships. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
In a world where dating apps, social expectations, and romantic pressures dominate, taking a break from dating might seem counterintuitive. However, stepping back from the pursuit of love can actually be one of the healthiest and most beneficial decisions you make for yourself. Whether you’ve experienced a string of unsuccessful relationships, emotional burnout, or simply feel disconnected from yourself, a dating hiatus can provide clarity, healing, and personal growth.
1. Time for Self-Discovery
One of the most significant benefits of taking a break from dating is the opportunity to reconnect with yourself. When actively seeking a partner, it’s easy to lose sight of personal goals, interests, and values. A pause allows you to reflect on what you truly want in a relationship, assess past patterns, and redefine your priorities. This period of self-discovery can lead to stronger self-awareness and confidence, making future relationships healthier and more fulfilling.
2. Emotional Healing and Clarity
Breakups, disappointments, and dating fatigue can take a toll on mental and emotional well-being. Jumping from one relationship to another without properly processing emotions can lead to unresolved baggage. Taking a break gives you the necessary space to heal, understand past experiences, and break unhealthy relationship cycles. It helps you approach love from a place of wholeness rather than from loneliness or desperation.
3. Stronger Sense of Independence
Relying on romantic relationships for happiness or validation can be a slippery slope. Stepping away from dating encourages self-sufficiency and the realization that fulfillment comes from within. Learning to enjoy your own company, pursuing personal passions, and building strong platonic relationships can significantly enhance your quality of life. When you do decide to date again, you’ll enter relationships with a stronger foundation of self-worth and independence.
4. Avoiding Dating Burnout
Constantly navigating the ups and downs of dating can be exhausting. Swiping on apps, going on multiple dates, and facing repeated disappointments can lead to emotional exhaustion and cynicism. Taking a break provides a much-needed mental reset, allowing you to return to dating with fresh enthusiasm, patience, and a healthier mindset.
5. Attracting the Right Partner
When you’re content with yourself and clear on what you want, you naturally attract healthier and more compatible partners. Rushing into relationships out of fear of being alone often leads to settling for less than you deserve. A dating break helps you gain clarity on your standards, ensuring that future relationships are based on mutual compatibility rather than urgency.
Taking a break from dating isn’t about giving up on love—it’s about investing in yourself. When you take time to heal, grow, and rediscover what truly makes you happy, you set the stage for a more fulfilling romantic future. Love will come when the time is right, but until then, prioritize your well-being and enjoy the journey of self-love.
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Representation Matters: The Importance of Black Queer Love Stories
Learn how authentic portrayals of Black queer love in media challenge stereotypes, affirm identities, and foster inclusivity for a more empathetic society. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
Representation in media shapes how individuals see themselves and how society perceives different communities. When we talk about the importance of Black queer love stories, we are addressing a critical gap in storytelling that has historically erased, stereotyped, or misrepresented these identities. The intersectionality of Blackness and queerness is rich with narratives of love, resilience, and joy that deserve to be seen and celebrated.
For too long, mainstream media has focused on a narrow portrayal of both Black and queer experiences, often reducing them to struggles, trauma, or background characters in someone else’s story. While it is crucial to acknowledge challenges such as homophobia and racism, it is equally vital to highlight the beauty and depth of Black queer love. Stories that center on Black queer relationships validate the existence of these individuals, providing visibility that combats the false notion that such love is rare or nonexistent.
Black queer love stories are essential because they offer a reflection of reality for those who rarely see themselves depicted authentically. When people see characters who share their identities and experiences falling in love, forming families, and finding happiness, it fosters a sense of belonging. It tells them that their love is just as meaningful and worthy as any other. This representation also challenges the dominant narratives that often frame Black love through struggle and queerness as something to be hidden or fought against.
Beyond personal affirmation, these stories help broaden societal understanding. Media has a profound influence on shaping perceptions, and inclusive storytelling can lead to greater empathy and acceptance. When Black queer love is portrayed with care, depth, and complexity, it challenges prejudices and expands cultural conversations about what love can look like.
Recent years have seen progress with films, books, and television shows showcasing Black queer love in a more nuanced and celebratory way. Works like Barry Jenkins’ Moonlight, the TV show Pose, and books by authors like Jacqueline Woodson and Kacen Callender contribute to a growing canon that uplifts these stories. However, there is still much work to be done. More narratives are needed, spanning various genres and perspectives, to ensure that Black queer love is not a rarity in media but a normalized and valued part of storytelling.
Representation matters because it affirms existence, reshapes narratives, and fosters inclusivity. Black queer love stories are not just important; they are necessary for a more just and truthful world.
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How Past Relationships Shape Our Future Love Life
Learn how past relationships shape your future love life by teaching valuable lessons, healing emotional wounds, and building emotional resilience that helps you set healthy boundaries and form fulfilling connections. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
Love is a journey filled with lessons, emotions, and personal growth. Every relationship we experience leaves an imprint on us, shaping how we perceive love, trust, and commitment. Whether it ended in heartbreak or mutual understanding, our past relationships influence how we approach new romantic connections. From emotional baggage to valuable lessons, here’s how our past relationships mold our future love life.
1. Learning from Mistakes
One of the most significant ways past relationships shape us is by teaching us what works and what doesn’t. When a relationship ends, we reflect on what went wrong—was it poor communication, mismatched values, or unmet expectations? These insights help us make better choices in the future, ensuring we don’t repeat the same mistakes.
For instance, if someone has experienced a relationship where they felt unheard, they may prioritize finding a partner who values open and honest communication. This self-awareness allows for healthier and more fulfilling connections.
2. Emotional Baggage and Healing
Not all relationships end on good terms, and sometimes, they leave emotional scars. Betrayal, heartbreak, and toxic dynamics can create trust issues, fear of vulnerability, or low self-esteem. If these wounds are left unhealed, they can affect future relationships, causing unnecessary insecurities or defensive behaviors.
However, when people take time to heal and reflect on their emotional wounds, they enter new relationships with a clearer mind and an open heart. Acknowledging and working through past pain leads to emotional maturity and prevents repeating unhealthy patterns.
3. Understanding Personal Needs and Boundaries
Every relationship provides an opportunity to understand what we truly need from a partner. Some people may realize they need emotional support, while others may prioritize independence. Past relationships help clarify these needs, making it easier to set healthy boundaries in the future.
For example, someone who once felt suffocated in a controlling relationship might recognize the importance of personal space and seek a partner who respects their independence. Recognizing and asserting these boundaries helps create balanced and respectful relationships.
4. Building Emotional Resilience
Breakups and failed relationships, while painful, also build emotional resilience. Overcoming heartbreak teaches people how to cope with disappointment, adapt to change, and emerge stronger. This resilience makes individuals more capable of handling challenges in future relationships, fostering patience, understanding, and maturity.
Past relationships are not just chapters of our love life but stepping stones toward personal growth and healthier future relationships. They teach us valuable lessons, help us heal, and shape our understanding of love. By embracing these experiences, we can move forward with confidence, ready to build meaningful and fulfilling romantic connections.
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Are Relationship Standards Too High or Just Right?
Balancing relationship standards requires distinguishing between essential values and unrealistic expectations to foster healthy, fulfilling connections. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
In the discourse surrounding modern relationships, one prevalent question is whether the standards we hold for our partners and relationships are excessively high or appropriately ambitious. To dissect this query, it’s crucial to understand the multifaceted nature of what “standards” mean in the context of romantic relationships.
Firstly, standards in relationships often encapsulate expectations around communication, emotional support, mutual respect, and shared values. These benchmarks are not just whimsical desires but foundational elements that foster a healthy, sustainable relationship. Advocates for maintaining high standards argue that they are vital in ensuring that one is treated with dignity and respect, which are non-negotiable for any substantial relationship.
On the other hand, there’s a growing concern that some individuals may harbor unrealistic expectations fueled by external influences such as media portrayals of romance, social media comparisons, and peer pressures. These exaggerated ideals can include expecting a partner to fulfill every need, from being a best friend to an emotional healer, or to adhere to idealized physical or financial criteria. When such elevated expectations are set, they can create a chasm between reality and fantasy, potentially leading to disappointment and relationship breakdowns.
The key, then, to balancing relationship standards lies in distinguishing between what is essential for a healthy relationship and what is an idealized expectation. Communication, respect, trust, and affection are core needs that should not be compromised and are reasonable standards to uphold. Conversely, expecting a partner to look or behave perfectly at all times, or to intuitively understand every need without communication, are examples of potentially unattainable standards that can strain a relationship.
Moreover, it is beneficial to introspect whether one’s relationship standards are self-imposed barriers to intimacy. Personal insecurities and past traumas can often manifest as high walls of expectation, which serve more to protect than to partner. Being mindful and addressing these personal issues can help in moderating one’s expectations to a realistic level.
In addition, it is crucial for individuals to communicate their standards clearly and early in the relationship. This transparency not only helps in finding a compatible partner but also reduces misunderstandings later on. Mutual understanding and compromise are also key; a relationship is, after all, a partnership that thrives on give and take.
While it is vital to maintain certain standards in a relationship to ensure it is healthy and fulfilling, there is also a need to be mindful of setting realistic expectations that foster rather than hinder intimacy. Balancing these standards might require introspection, communication, and sometimes, compromise. Thus, relationship standards are not necessarily too high by default but should be just right to ensure both partners feel valued, respected, and loved.
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Are “High-Value Men” and “High-Value Women” Real?
The concept of "high-value men" and "high-value women" has gained traction in dating and success discussions, but are these labels meaningful or just social constructs? We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
In recent years, the concept of “high-value men” and “high-value women” has gained popularity in discussions about relationships, success, and social status. But are these labels real, or are they just another passing trend in the ever-evolving world of dating and personal development?
Defining “High-Value” Individuals
At its core, the term “high-value” generally refers to individuals who possess qualities that make them desirable partners or influential members of society. These qualities often include financial success, social status, emotional intelligence, confidence, physical attractiveness, and strong leadership skills. However, the exact criteria can vary depending on cultural, social, and individual perspectives.
For men, the label often emphasizes wealth, ambition, physical fitness, and the ability to lead and provide. For women, it typically includes beauty, femininity, social skills, and nurturing qualities. These gender-specific expectations raise important questions about whether these labels are objective realities or socially constructed ideals.
The Subjectivity of Value
One major argument against the idea of “high-value” individuals is that value is inherently subjective. What one person finds attractive and valuable in a partner may not be the same for someone else. A wealthy businessman might prioritize intelligence and ambition in a partner, while another might seek kindness and emotional support. Likewise, not everyone defines success purely in financial or social terms—some prioritize emotional depth, creativity, or shared values.
The idea of a universally “high-value” man or woman assumes that there is a single, agreed-upon standard of what makes someone desirable. In reality, value is context-dependent. A person’s worth is often judged differently in professional, social, and romantic settings.
The Influence of Social Media and Pop Culture
The rise of social media has played a significant role in shaping and amplifying these concepts. Influencers and dating coaches frequently discuss strategies to become “high-value,” often emphasizing wealth accumulation, luxury lifestyles, and social dominance. While self-improvement is a positive goal, these portrayals can create unrealistic expectations and foster superficial judgments.
Moreover, pop culture has long reinforced the idea that status, looks, and wealth determine a person’s value. Movies, music, and celebrity culture promote aspirational lifestyles, leading many to equate success with materialism rather than personal growth or character.
The Reality of Self-Worth
While certain traits can make a person more desirable in specific contexts, reducing human worth to a checklist of attributes is overly simplistic. True value comes from authenticity, personal development, and meaningful connections rather than rigid societal standards. Instead of striving to fit into predefined categories, individuals should focus on becoming the best versions of themselves—whatever that may look like.
So, are “high-value men” and “high-value women” real? The answer is both yes and no. While certain traits are commonly admired, real value ultimately depends on individual perspectives and priorities.
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The Rise of “Soft Life” Dating Among Black Women
The soft life dating movement is redefining relationships for Black women by prioritizing emotional security, financial stability, and self-care over struggle and sacrifice. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
In recent years, the concept of the “soft life” has gained traction among Black women, especially in the realm of dating and relationships. Originating from social media, the soft life movement promotes a lifestyle centered on ease, luxury, self-care, and emotional well-being, steering away from struggle and hardship. This shift in perspective is particularly significant as it challenges the long-standing expectation that Black women must be resilient and endure difficult relationships as a badge of honor.
What is “Soft Life” Dating?
Soft life dating is an approach to romance that prioritizes emotional security, financial stability, and peace over stress, struggle, and sacrifice. It is about choosing partners who align with one’s values, offer genuine care, and contribute to a balanced, fulfilling relationship. For many Black women, this means actively rejecting relationships that drain their energy or require them to take on burdens beyond their emotional or financial capacity.
This movement is not about being passive or materialistic but rather about embracing standards that foster joy, love, and reciprocity. It encourages Black women to invest in relationships where they are cherished, respected, and supported rather than settling for emotionally unavailable partners or toxic dynamics.
Why is Soft Life Dating Gaining Popularity?
Several cultural and societal factors contribute to the rise of soft life dating among Black women:
1. Rejection of Struggle Love – For generations, Black women have been encouraged to be strong, endure hardships, and “build” their partners. Soft life dating challenges this narrative by promoting relationships that do not require suffering as proof of love.
2. Financial and Emotional Independence – As more Black women achieve career success and financial stability, they are no longer dependent on relationships for survival. This autonomy allows them to be selective about their partners, prioritizing emotional fulfillment over necessity.
3. Self-Care and Mental Health Awareness – With the increasing focus on mental health, many Black women are setting boundaries that protect their peace. Soft life dating aligns with this shift, emphasizing relationships that contribute to well-being rather than emotional exhaustion.
4. Social Media Influence – Platforms like TikTok and Instagram have amplified the soft life movement, with influencers showcasing relationships that embody ease, mutual respect, and luxury. This visibility has inspired many Black women to reassess their dating standards and embrace a more fulfilling approach.
The Impact of Soft Life Dating
The rise of soft life dating is empowering Black women to prioritize their happiness and redefine their romantic expectations. It fosters healthier relationships built on mutual respect and eliminates the societal pressure to settle for less. By embracing this mindset, Black women are not only enhancing their personal lives but also setting a new standard for love—one rooted in joy, peace, and genuine connection.
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It Could All Be So Simple: The Overcomplication of Love and Relationships
Simplifying love by overcoming unrealistic expectations, over analysis, and fear of vulnerability fosters healthier and more fulfilling relationships. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
Love and relationships are often seen as the pinnacle of human connection, yet we have a tendency to overcomplicate them. Despite love’s inherent simplicity, societal expectations, personal insecurities, and modern dynamics often create unnecessary complexity, turning what should be a source of joy into a maze of confusion. Understanding how we overcomplicate love is the first step toward simplifying it and fostering healthier, more fulfilling connections.
1. Unrealistic Expectations
One of the most common ways we overcomplicate relationships is by holding onto unrealistic expectations. Influenced by fairy tales, movies, and social media, we often envision love as a flawless, sweeping romance. This creates pressure to maintain a picture-perfect relationship, leaving little room for imperfection. In reality, love is messy and imperfect. It thrives on mutual effort, patience, and understanding—not grandiose gestures or unattainable ideals.
2. Overanalyzing Feelings and Actions
In the age of constant communication and hyper-awareness, overanalyzing has become a default behavior in relationships. We dissect every text message, interpret tone, and read between the lines of seemingly simple interactions. This mental gymnastics can create unnecessary tension and misunderstandings. Instead of enjoying the present moment, we get caught up in “what-if” scenarios and hidden meanings, complicating what could be straightforward communication.
3. Fear of Vulnerability
Love requires openness and vulnerability, but fear of getting hurt often leads us to build walls around our emotions. We engage in mind games, avoid direct conversations, or hide our true feelings to protect ourselves. Ironically, these behaviors create barriers to genuine connection and trust, leaving both partners feeling confused and disconnected. Embracing vulnerability may feel risky, but it is essential for authentic relationships.
4. Seeking Validation
Another way we complicate love is by seeking validation from our partners rather than focusing on self-love. When we rely on someone else to define our worth, relationships can become transactional, with love being conditional upon meeting specific needs or expectations. This creates a cycle of insecurity and dissatisfaction. True love flourishes when both partners feel whole and secure within themselves.
5. Ignoring the Power of Simplicity
At its core, love is about mutual respect, care, and commitment. However, we often underestimate the power of simplicity—spending quality time together, expressing gratitude, and being present. These small, meaningful actions are far more valuable than over-the-top gestures or attempts to over-intellectualize the relationship.
By letting go of unnecessary complexities, we can rediscover the true essence of love: connection, trust, and shared joy. When we simplify love and relationships, we make space for growth, intimacy, and happiness—proving that the best things in life are often the simplest.
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Moving Forward | It's Time To Grow And Let Go
They say that you can literally feel when you are moving into the next chapter of your life---when you are growing. It’s to move in alignment with what makes you happy and uplifts you!
By: Sydni Hatley
They say that you can literally feel when you are moving into the next chapter of your life---when you are growing. We all love the idea of growth, evolving, and becoming the best version of ourselves, but sometimes growth is hard because it means letting go of certain people, habits, and mentalities that we’ve grown comfortable with but that no longer serve us.
It is called growth because you are moving into the next phase of your life, and not everybody and everything can come with you. Thus enters the concept of “growing pains”, because the process of letting go of the familiar can hurt, but once it is said and done, and you are on the other side, the fruits of that labor will always be worth the release.
When you know it is time to let go of something, (a relationship, a friendship, a job, a certain lifestyle, etc.), everything in your life will seemingly start to point it out. The signs will be everywhere. The concept of severing ties with things that no longer serve where you are going will become apparent, making themselves clearer and clearer each time you avoid this truth.
The purpose of our existence in this life is literally to evolve in mind, body, and spirit. We cannot grow in physicality but remain stuck in the same circumstances that hold our minds and spirits back from maturing as well. Growing pains themselves (which are the actual process of letting go) are a trial to see if you are ready to take the next steps necessary to achieving personal freedom and happiness---but no one can take those steps but you.
A lot of times when it comes to the need to outgrow toxic situations of any kind, there will be many tests to hold you back. For instance, if it is a toxic relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend, they may see you starting to outgrow them and try to trap or manipulate you into staying. If it is a toxic friend, they may do the same. DO NOT stay out of fear of being alone, or anything else.
Growth and maturation is about strengthening the mind and aligning the mind with your own discernment. Seeing a situation that no longer serves you is the first part, acting on that situation for the betterment of your life is another. You must remain steadfast in your purpose, and trust that you are going further without them than with them.
We always see testimonies about how healthy people are once they began prioritizing their own life and happiness, and we as people long to have that ourselves. The reality is, it takes a lot of work to even get to that space of inner peace and true tranquility. You must identify the things that uplift you vs. drag you down, and that process can be simple if you let it be. Accepting them is the second hardest thing to do. Moving on from them is the first.
The key is to focus on yourself, focus on your journey and how YOU’RE feeling. Try to move in alignment with what makes you happy and uplifts you. Remove anything and anyone from your life that does not. The best thing you can do when it’s time to close a chapter of your life is honor your intuition, know your worth, focus on where you want to go, and don’t look back at the things or people that you know won’t get you there.
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Zodiac Compatibility | Learning Your Love Compatibility Through Astrology
There are many different astrological aspects that influence who we are and how we operate in relationships. Learning your natal chart and the astrological aspects of your character will help you better understand yourself and your compatibility in love.
By: Sydni Hatley
Many people base friendships, relationships, and their general understanding of others off of the zodiac sign assigned to them at birth (the proper term for this is “Sun sign”). The Sun sign is in fact the most common thing people associate themselves with when it comes to astrology, but what people don’t realize is that just like we have many different qualities that determine who we are, there are many different astrological aspects that influence who we are as well.
One example of how much this makes a difference in our lives is in the area of love. A lot of times when people first meet and gage their compatibility with a potential partner, they are basing this compatibility solely on their sun signs (which describes their basic nature and personality traits), instead of equally looking at their venus sign (how they typically operate when in love and relationships), as well as their Moon sign (how they express and deal with their innermost emotions).
The Sun, Moon, and Venus signs are only three of eleven signs that make up the entire birth chart of a person. It is important, as one continues to learn about astrology, that they understand how each planet is responsible for a different part of their character. Also, depending on the sign linked to that respective planet, it will determine how one acts in that area.
As it pertains to love, the more important planets that will help determine compatibility are in fact the Sun, Moon, and Venus signs. The Sun sign is important as it pertains to love because it determines the core qualities that make you, you. For instance, if you are a Scorpio, are you typically very honest, loyal, or a private person? If you are an Aries, are you typically fiery? A leader? These are aspects to your character that are at the core of your being, and remain the most constant.
The Moon sign is important too as it pertains to love, because it shows your partner who you are when nobody's watching. It gets rid of any facades and lets your partner know who you are when you’re the most comfortable. For example, if your moon is in Leo you’re typically a lot more emotional than people think, and you may tend to be dramatic.
Finally, the Venus sign is important because it helps determine the type of person you are in relationships. For instance, if your Venus is in Virgo you could say that in relationships you are a bit critical of your partner but devoted, and/or a bit of a perfectionist. Overall, people use the sun sign alone thinking that it is the only indicator of their compatibility with someone, but there is a whole other world of areas important to a relationship that are influenced by astrology.
A final aspect that should be mentioned as it is just as important when it comes to love and relationship compatibility is the planet of Mercury: the planet of communication. Whatever a potential partner’s sign in Mercury is will help determine their style of communication. For example, my friend’s Mercury is in Sagittarius, and they typically communicate in a scattered, fleeting manner. Coincidentally, this is a quality of people who’s Mercury is in Sagittarius. Your communication style matters when thinking about compatibility with your partner as healthy communication is essential for a successful relationship. It is great to have a nice general vibe with someone but if they cannot communicate in relationships it won’t go anywhere.
Learning your natal chart and the astrological aspects of your character will help tremendously in better understanding yourself both in love and in life. You can calculate your natal chart easily by making sure you know your birth date, birth time, and exact birth location (city and state). Once you have these three things, you can unlock a whole new world of understanding, making life so much easier for yourself in the long run. Hopefully this information will make finding the perfect match a lot more fun and exciting!
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Red vs. Green Flags: 18 Green Flags You Should Look For In A Healthy Relationship
Red flags are definitely something to pay attention to in a relationship, but so are green flags! The more green flags your partner exhibits, the greater the chances are for long term potential! Here are 18 Green flags you should look for in a healthy relationship!
By: Kathleen Santos
When you ask someone about what traits they are looking for in a person they are dating, they might be quick to rattle off all the usual surface-level type of qualities, like: They have to be funny, smart, healthy; have to have a stable job, dress nice, and hopefully we like the same basketball or football teams; obviously, they smell good, and are really easy to look at, and bedroom chemistry is on point…Pretty straightforward list.
But, let’s be honest. When it comes down to it, while many of these traits will be important to physical and intellectual chemistry, they may be better described as preferences. They aren’t qualities that are going to be what strengthens a relationship dynamic, so that they can withstand stress or conflict as a couple effectively.
With an enduring relationship in mind, you’d need to do some work and figure out if you all have some depth in compatibility as well, so that you can get that “If I Ain’t Got You” kind of love we heard about from Alicia Keys when we were growing up.
What exactly should we be looking for then? Surprisingly, we may not be as quick to rattle off these requirements. In fact, we might come back expeditiously with red flags ready, “... I’ll tell you what I DON’T want!”... Maybe you’ve shared something to that effect with others before? Yeah, me too.
While the list of red flags are easier to recall, don’t worry, this doesn’t make you or I a pessimist or cynic. We’ve just been conditioned to look for these red flags. Our own testimonies of heartbreak along with witnessing others go through it definitely influences our views on them. And wouldn’t you know it…science has something to say about it too.
According to WebMD, there are quite a few research studies out there that support why we tend to remember the negatives or bad memories more vividly compared to those positive or good memories. The studies suggest that recalling the negatives might be due to an evolutionary response, a sort of survival mechanism. Case in point, if we went on safari in Botswana, we innately know to keep our eyes on that tall grass where the lions or lionesses are hiding ready to snatch their meals. Arms and legs inside the truck during the tour - pretty clear.
Back to red flags…again, while we recognize that we need to pay attention to them, we also need to make sure we are equally focused, if not more so, on green flags. What exactly are green flags anyway? These are personality and behavioral traits that can support a lasting relationship dynamic. Specifically, these traits can help create space for more vulnerability and enable deeper compassion for one another, which is essential as the couple gets to know who they are completely, and for true intimacy to be established. The more green flags your partner exhibits, the greater the chances are for long term potential! Let’s take a look at some notable ones below:
Healthy Green Flags
Knows who they are and what they want… is unapologetically authentic!
Demonstrates and encourages vulnerability
Makes you feel emotionally safe
Capable of consistent, open, and honest communication
An optimist; can easily see the positive in any situation
Aligned to their life’s purpose, personally and/or professionally
Supportive of your aspirations and encourages personal growth
Willing and open to reach a compromise
Listens to understand rather than listening to respond
Practices and prioritizes self-care/ self-love
Is calm and respectful during arguments
Feels responsible and is accountable for their own happiness
Holds you accountable for your own happiness
Admits when they’re wrong and knows when/how to apologize
Understands that there is space for alone time or for friendships outside of the relationship
Doesn’t disrespect you, behind your back or in public
Practical when under pressure and exhibits maturity
Knows your love language(s), so they understand how to love you correctly (see recent article on Understanding the Five Love Languages)
This list is not all inclusive of course, and we need to consider we all have different requirements. So, whether you're single, dating, or committed, I would encourage you to reflect on those green flags that are most important to your relationship dynamic and start building your own checklist. Superficial preferences aside, determining compatibility will require more from us, especially if we’re after what Ms. Alicia is singing about. We’ll be better equipped to be in tune with ourselves and our partner’s authentic self as long as we have the courage to hold each other accountable for identifying and expressing our values and beliefs to one another.
“Some people think / That the physical things define what’s within / And I’ve been there before / That life’s a bore / So full of the superficial / Some people want it all / But I don't want nothing at all. If it ain't you baby" - Alicia Keys
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Do You Have Boundaries With Your Ex?
In some relationships, people are able to maintain healthy relationships with their exes, but just how close are you? Here are some things you may be doing with your Ex that are no good because you don’t have any set boundaries!
By: Alyssa Cole
In some relationships, people are able to maintain healthy relationships with their exes, but just how close are you? If you're a fan of the hit Hulu series Insecure, we saw in a recent episode Issa battle with her temptations and sexual desires to not have sex with her old boo Daniel. Most viewers I’m sure were caught off guard at the end of the episode when Issa stops Daniel right in his tracks as he’s beginning to set the mood. Were you not screaming at the television in disbelief?! But this episode had a great lesson in it, which is to have self-control and to definitely set some boundaries! Here are some things you may be doing with your Ex that are no good because you don’t have any set and enforced boundaries!
Having Sex With Your Ex
Now you know you’re wrong for this! But let’s be real, things happen. Is it right or healthy? Of course not! Sure it feels amazing, but it’s not worth it. Some advice? Date somebody new and once you feel they are promising and headed towards something long lasting, become intimate with that person. It’s so easy to get caught up with your ex, especially for the sex, but mentally and emotionally, it’s not a good move in the long run.
Looking At Your Ex’s Social Media Posts And Photos
Now you know better. Ok, I get it, some of you are still friends with your exes but even if you or if you aren’t, refrain from internet stalking them. We all know the average human being is nosey as crap! But once you get on their page and get to scrolling, the next thing you know you’re going down memory lane, thinking about the last time you went out with them, and what made you fall for them in the beginning. DON’T DO IT! If you ever want to truly move on, you should really take a step back from checking their social media and for some people, you may need to remove them from your social media altogether. Thank me later.
Reaching Out To Your Ex When You’re Drinking
Now listen. I don’t even need to go into detail about this one because you know you’re acting up when you do this. One of the most popular things people do especially if the break up is still fresh is reach out when you’re under the influence to your ex. This is never a good idea! This is where having self-control comes into play. Know your triggers! If you know that Sangria or Jack and Coke makes you feel a way and you’re not over your ex, turn your phone off when you’re out or have a friend hold your phone. It’s not childish, it’s called being smart! I’ve had to tell my friends to hold my phone when I knew I was still getting over someone, just to prevent sending something I didn’t mean or worse, sending something I did mean but didn’t have the guts to say when I was sober. Be very careful when you’re under the influence!
Are you guilty of any of those things above? Maybe or maybe not, but the most important thing to remember is to know your triggers and always have self-control. Ask yourself why did you end up breaking up in the first place? Is your current friendship a healthy one? Are you falling back into a place of comfort with them because it’s what you're used to? There isn’t a rule saying you can’t be friends with your ex, but to really help you move forward, it’s important to set clear boundaries and don’t overlook them. Be confident in yourself that you can be happy and satisfied with someone new and especially when you’re by yourself.
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21 Questions Every Couple Should Ask On Date Night
Whether you’re going out for a romantic dinner with your partner, or you’re staying in for some netflix and chill, here are 21 questions every couple should ask on date night!
By: Omar Cook
Getting to know your partner is essential to having a great relationship, and communication should be a top priority. Sometimes just sitting down to have a simple conversation about life can be a great date idea. Whether you’re going out for a romantic dinner with your partner, or you’re staying in for some netflix and chill, here are 21 questions every couple should ask on date night!
Questions About You?
1. What is your ultimate goal in life?
2. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done?
3. Do you have any regrets?
4. What’s one thing I don’t know about you?
5. What scares you or makes you nervous?
6. What is your most proud accomplishment?
7. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years?
Questions About Me?
1. What are 2 facts about me?
2. What do you like about me the most?
3. What’s 1 thing that you think I can do better?
4. What am I passionate about?
5. What is my favorite song/music artist/movie?
6. What is my dream job?
7. What are my biggest turn-ons? Turn-offs?
What About Us?
1. What do you enjoy about our relationship the most?
2. What is your favorite memory of us?
3. What is the biggest weakness of our relationship?
4. Where would you prefer to settle down as a couple?
5. What is the greatest strength of our relationship?
6. Where do you see us in 5 years?
7. What should we do together that we haven’t done already?
