Do You Have Boundaries With Your Ex?

By: Alyssa Cole

In some relationships, people are able to maintain healthy relationships with their exes, but just how close are you? If you're a fan of the hit Hulu series Insecure, we saw in a recent episode Issa battle with her temptations and sexual desires to not have sex with her old boo Daniel. Most viewers I’m sure were caught off guard at the end of the episode when Issa stops Daniel right in his tracks as he’s beginning to set the mood. Were you not screaming at the television in disbelief?! But this episode had a great lesson in it, which is to have self-control and to definitely set some boundaries! Here are some things you may be doing with your Ex that are no good because you don’t have any set and enforced boundaries!

Having Sex With Your Ex

Now you know you’re wrong for this! But let’s be real, things happen. Is it right or healthy? Of course not! Sure it feels amazing, but it’s not worth it. Some advice? Date somebody new and once you feel they are promising and headed towards something long lasting, become intimate with that person. It’s so easy to get caught up with your ex, especially for the sex, but mentally and emotionally, it’s not a good move in the long run.

Looking At Your Ex’s Social Media Posts And Photos

Now you know better. Ok, I get it, some of you are still friends with your exes but even if you or if you aren’t, refrain from internet stalking them. We all know the average human being is nosey as crap! But once you get on their page and get to scrolling, the next thing you know you’re going down memory lane, thinking about the last time you went out with them, and what made you fall for them in the beginning. DON’T DO IT! If you ever want to truly move on, you should really take a step back from checking their social media and for some people, you may need to remove them from your social media altogether. Thank me later. 

Reaching Out To Your Ex When You’re Drinking

Now listen. I don’t even need to go into detail about this one because you know you’re acting up when you do this. One of the most popular things people do especially if the break up is still fresh is reach out when you’re under the influence to your ex. This is never a good idea! This is where having self-control comes into play. Know your triggers! If you know that Sangria or Jack and Coke makes you feel a way and you’re not over your ex, turn your phone off when you’re out or have a friend hold your phone. It’s not childish, it’s called being smart!  I’ve had to tell my friends to hold my phone when I knew I was still getting over someone, just to prevent sending something I didn’t mean or worse, sending something I did mean but didn’t have the guts to say when I was sober. Be very careful when you’re under the influence!

Are you guilty of any of those things above? Maybe or maybe not, but the most important thing to remember is to know your triggers and always have self-control. Ask yourself why did you end up breaking up in the first place? Is your current friendship a healthy one? Are you falling back into a place of comfort with them because it’s what you're used to? There isn’t a rule saying you can’t be friends with your ex, but to really help you move forward, it’s important to set clear boundaries and don’t overlook them. Be confident in yourself that you can be happy and satisfied with someone new and especially when you’re by yourself. 

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