There's Something Special About Black Love and It Should Be Celebrated

By: Jordan King

While February is proudly Black History Month, we also observe a special day for the celebration of love in all forms and fashions. When it comes to speaking about love within the Black community at large, this topic is so vast and at times controversial. Everyone (rightfully so) has different and conflicting perspectives. However, all of our people deserve and are entitled to love; especially when we have done that inner work to heal and be the best version of a mate for your significant other! 

To be able to love freely and unapologetically is a divine right. Love should not be complicated, however, naturally things happen. Now, for some reason when it comes to Black love; it’s not just complicated but complex. The presence of Blacks in America spans over 400 years yet somehow we have managed to maintain our kind. Traditionally, media has struggled with how to properly represent affection, care, and love when it comes to colored people. Often times our love is seen as too dramatic, toxic or situation based. Now of course that’s not to say that America misrepresents other cultures too.  

Admittedly; while my parents are divorced, I have been grateful to witness other examples of healthy relationships and marriages. Also it’s very important to acknowledge the valleys in various stages of relationships, as not every day will be easy or disagreements will arise. On the other side, people can eventually grow apart and lead cordial lives. Nonetheless, the goal of our generation should be to not only redefine the definition of love in modern times; yet also maintain the essence of what love has always been!

The illusion of options will unfortunately make it hard for us to be able to properly find their person. In the past, people were relegated to shorter radiuses to find their lifelong partners. However, this also can be a positive! For instance, two people that were meant for each other but maybe distance would’ve prevented them from ever meeting; could manifest a connection through the tools of technology.

While I do believe in the concept of “love is love”, as well as the idea that anybody can find their person within anyone else; there’s just something so unique about the love affair between two Black people, as well as the care and intimacy that they are able to show due to the combined history and lineage. Honestly, it is through the strife that Black people have experienced throughout our collective history, that we have been able to transmute that pain into an overall deep love and care. A force so mighty that when applied properly can be miraculous, as well as even generation binding.

Some, and hopefully more of you will get the chance to experience family reunions with true elders. Those that have the matriarchs & patriarchs that can truly pass on a long history, as well as being able to experience these people up close. One day, those elders (hopefully) will be us!

To be Black, is an honor; A birthright. The ability to find and maintain love while Black, can be challenging; however, ultimately so rewarding. There’s a very unique importance and aspect of love that can always be revealed and nurtured between two people from similar cultures.

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Do You Have Boundaries With Your Ex?

By: Alyssa Cole

In some relationships, people are able to maintain healthy relationships with their exes, but just how close are you? If you're a fan of the hit Hulu series Insecure, we saw in a recent episode Issa battle with her temptations and sexual desires to not have sex with her old boo Daniel. Most viewers I’m sure were caught off guard at the end of the episode when Issa stops Daniel right in his tracks as he’s beginning to set the mood. Were you not screaming at the television in disbelief?! But this episode had a great lesson in it, which is to have self-control and to definitely set some boundaries! Here are some things you may be doing with your Ex that are no good because you don’t have any set and enforced boundaries!

Having Sex With Your Ex

Now you know you’re wrong for this! But let’s be real, things happen. Is it right or healthy? Of course not! Sure it feels amazing, but it’s not worth it. Some advice? Date somebody new and once you feel they are promising and headed towards something long lasting, become intimate with that person. It’s so easy to get caught up with your ex, especially for the sex, but mentally and emotionally, it’s not a good move in the long run.

Looking At Your Ex’s Social Media Posts And Photos

Now you know better. Ok, I get it, some of you are still friends with your exes but even if you or if you aren’t, refrain from internet stalking them. We all know the average human being is nosey as crap! But once you get on their page and get to scrolling, the next thing you know you’re going down memory lane, thinking about the last time you went out with them, and what made you fall for them in the beginning. DON’T DO IT! If you ever want to truly move on, you should really take a step back from checking their social media and for some people, you may need to remove them from your social media altogether. Thank me later. 

Reaching Out To Your Ex When You’re Drinking

Now listen. I don’t even need to go into detail about this one because you know you’re acting up when you do this. One of the most popular things people do especially if the break up is still fresh is reach out when you’re under the influence to your ex. This is never a good idea! This is where having self-control comes into play. Know your triggers! If you know that Sangria or Jack and Coke makes you feel a way and you’re not over your ex, turn your phone off when you’re out or have a friend hold your phone. It’s not childish, it’s called being smart!  I’ve had to tell my friends to hold my phone when I knew I was still getting over someone, just to prevent sending something I didn’t mean or worse, sending something I did mean but didn’t have the guts to say when I was sober. Be very careful when you’re under the influence!

Are you guilty of any of those things above? Maybe or maybe not, but the most important thing to remember is to know your triggers and always have self-control. Ask yourself why did you end up breaking up in the first place? Is your current friendship a healthy one? Are you falling back into a place of comfort with them because it’s what you're used to? There isn’t a rule saying you can’t be friends with your ex, but to really help you move forward, it’s important to set clear boundaries and don’t overlook them. Be confident in yourself that you can be happy and satisfied with someone new and especially when you’re by yourself. 

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21 Questions Every Couple Should Ask On Date Night

By: Omar Cook

Getting to know your partner is essential to having a great relationship, and communication should be a top priority. Sometimes just sitting down to have a simple conversation about life can be a great date idea. Whether you’re going out for a romantic dinner with your partner, or you’re staying in for some netflix and chill, here are 21 questions every couple should ask on date night!

Questions About You?

1. What is your ultimate goal in life?

2. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

3. Do you have any regrets?

4. What’s one thing I don’t know about you?

5. What scares you or makes you nervous?

6. What is your most proud accomplishment?

7. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years?

Questions About Me?

1. What are 2 facts about me?

2. What do you like about me the most?

3. What’s 1 thing that you think I can do better?

4. What am I passionate about?

5. What is my favorite song/music artist/movie?

6. What is my dream job?

7. What are my biggest turn-ons? Turn-offs?

What About Us?

1. What do you enjoy about our relationship the most?

2. What is your favorite memory of us?

3. What is the biggest weakness of our relationship?

4. Where would you prefer to settle down as a couple?

5. What is the greatest strength of our relationship?

6. Where do you see us in 5 years?

7. What should we do together that we haven’t done already?

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Sex Before Marriage Can Save You Longterm Disappointment

By: Omar Cook

Sex is a powerful tool that should not be taken for granted and abused. It’s also something that can affect how you interact with your partner in a relationship. We have always been taught from an early age that we should wait until we get married to have sex, but in all honesty, how many people are really waiting until marriage?

This isn’t to say to you should be having sex in every relationship, or with every person that peaks your interest. And if you have religious reasons for holding off until you tie the knot, hold true to your own beliefs. But if things are getting pretty serious and you want to know that what lies under the covers fits your agenda, you might just want to give it a shot.

Waiting until marriage leaves a lot room for the unknown. A legitimate fear of not having sex before marriage is, what if you don’t click with your partner intimately? Sexual attraction and sexual chemistry are two different things. You can be extremely attracted to a person physically but the sex can be wack!

Sex can solve a lot of issues, or at the very least, make some things about your partner just a little bit more tolerable. Imagine having a bad argument, and wanting to be able to make up with each other physically, but the sex is just as bad as the argument. Now you’re physically and mentally frustrated. Lack of sexual chemistry is a recipe for disaster.

It’s like test driving a car, no person in their right mind is going to leave a car lot without taking it around the block first. Sex can always be learned and taught and you can grow with your partner, but that’s definitely a risk you’re going to take if you wait until marriage. If you’re going to spend the rest of your life with a person, you’re obviously going to want to know if they can satisfy you physically. Getting into marriage just to find out that the person of your dreams isn’t what you pictured them to be in bed, is a nightmare that we all wish to avoid.

We don’t live in the 1800s and people aren’t getting married off love at first sight anymore. You’ll want to everything about who you’re getting involved with and sex is a major factor in a relationship. Sex isn’t the answer to a healthy relationship and it should also not be the deciding factor on whether you should be with someone, but it is important nonetheless. If having sex before marriage is what you and your partner decide to do, do it the safe way of course!

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5 Ways To Avoid Having Sex While Dating

By: Alyssa Cole

It’s been a few months, and you’ve gone on numerous dates and have started to really get to know someone new. They're extremely attracted to you mentally and especially physically, but you really want to wait until you’re in a serious and committed relationship to be intimate. There was a time where there was a 90-Day Rule when it came to sex, but over time things have changed and people are letting the flow of how the vibe is with one another decide when the time is right. Although going with the flow is not necessarily a bad thing, you don’t want to let the sexual chemistry cloud the focus on building a solid foundation for the relationship. So what can be done?! Here are a few ways you can avoid having sex while dating.  

1) No Home Dates 

Trying to decide what to do for a date but you keep thinking about how nice a movie with your favorite take-out cuddled up would be? Stop right there. This is one of the easiest ways to get yourself caught up in a spicy situation with your new boo. We all know a good movie and some extra close touching can lead to much more and it can happen relatively quickly! Try coming up with places to go outside of the house to avoid the extra privacy you’re not ready to have. 

2) Avoid Late Meet-ups

Have you ever heard the saying, “The Freaks Come Out At Night"? Yes, this is in fact very true for the average hormonal person. It is more common for someone to think about sexual intercourse the later it gets into the night vs early in the morning or midday. This, of course, varies by the person, but the best thing to do is to arrange plans during the day to make it less of a possibility that you may get tired and potentially desire to stay the night. Which leads me to my next tip.

3) No Sleepovers 

I get it. You may be starting to get serious and you have the freedom of staying over each other’s houses. You’re in the faze where you want to see them every other day and spend as much time together, but staying the night is OFF LIMITS! This is definitely the easiest way to end up having sex too soon. You may say to yourself “I can control myself”, early in the night, but then you get comfortable, your favorite love songs are playing, and you find yourself wondering what it would be like to experience that amazing moment with this person your really into right here, right now. Be patient! It’s better to avoid staying the night completely until you are in a serious relationship.

4) Don’t Give The Wrong Impression 

How embarrassing is it when your new boo thinks it’s the perfect time to become intimate because your body language is yelling it, but in reality, you aren’t even sure what you’re ready for! Don’t play with their emotions. Don’t start kissing them on their neck or chest and expect them to avoid the temptation. Sex is an intimate thing exchanged between two people and to some, it’s a precious thing to do. Be sure your actions and your mind are on the same level to alleviate any unnecessary confusion. By making it clear you’re not ready and avoiding giving off the wrong vibe, you can avoid your new boo attempting to initiate something sexual. 

5) Avoid Things That Trigger Sexual Arousal 

It’s no secret people like to drink and some like to take other substances as a form of socializing. If you know that after a few drinks or smoking you may find yourself likely to be in the mood, avoid these behaviors as much as possible when you’re with your partner. You may want to go out for drinks with them and that’s ok, just as long as you know your limit! Knowing what trigger’s you to be sexually aroused, will be crucial to you avoiding having sex too soon.

While all these are great ways to avoid sex, the most important thing you must have is self-control. We live in a time where we want everything fast including relationships, but like all good things that last, it takes time and patience. Just because you wait to take certain big steps doesn’t mean you aren’t seriously interested in the person nor does it mean you won’t become ready at a certain point. Take your time, enjoy the dating phase, and focus on really getting to know the person.

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Have Millennials Lost The Idea Of Love And Romance?

By: Omar Cook

What Happened to the Idea of Love and Romance?

Recently I was sitting with some family and you know when you get around family, when the elders speak you listen. I listened to my Great Aunt discuss how she met and fell in love with my Great Uncle as they celebrated 60 years of marriage. 60 years of marriage! The idea of spending 60 years with the love of your life seems like a fairytale out of a movie or a book. How does one even get to this point? 60 years of marriage takes an extreme amount of commitment, tolerance, growth, and love, but most importantly commitment. I know I said commitment twice, but I have to emphasize this word since this is something that millennials seem to lack in this day and age. Times have surely changed, and the thought of settling down at an early age is something most millennials want no parts of, which isn't a bad thing. But somewhere in the changing of generations, we lost the concept of true love! What happened to the idea of love and romance?

We live in a time where hookup culture is glorified, whether in music, tv, social media, or real life. Netflix and chill has become a common theme and has completely replaced the idea of going out on actual dates for some people. What happened to actually asking women out and taking them out on dates? If you take a casual scroll down your twitter timeline, you might occasionally find conversations on what actually constitutes as a date and how much should a person be spending on a date. Social media has fooled people into believing that they have to spend a certain amount of money to wine and dine people to impress the person they're going out with. Reality is, no amount of money can pay for true love and romance. 

There used to be a time when people actually had to meet people face to face, and actually court a person in person. It was just a decade ago when you had actually had to spit some real game in person to get a woman to go out with you. Now in the digital age, these type of interactions are dwindling! Now you can just hop in somebody's DMs instead of actually having a real interaction. And if you're really thirsty, you can hop on tinder or POF or whatever social app there is for dating and find an instant hookup! Millennials have become the generation of immediate gratification. Actually courting women and spending time getting to know people, and true dating is slowly becoming a lost art. Simple gestures like sending flowers, writing letters, and actually expressing feelings to a person are part of a romantic culture that this generation lacks. 

For whatever reason, men in this time period find it more appealing to rack up a body count rather than focusing on one woman. We tend to go for what's easy and accessible rather than something you actually have to some work into. People are beginning to take the term "live your best life" and use that as an excuse for their sexual promiscuity.  Does the idea of love and romance scare people or is it the loyalty and commitment part that makes people act the way they do? A better question is, what actually happened to loyalty and commitment?

This is an interesting time period that we're living in, for good and bad reasons. Our generation has torn down walls of old thinking in all areas of life. The traditional structure of marriage is being shaken up as women are no longer just seen as housekeepers, or housewives but are true breadwinners in today's society. Women are embracing their independence, their individuality, and are no longer settling for the ideals set by past generations. Millennials are putting the idea of love to the side and setting their priorities in other areas, mainly their careers. People believe that being in a committed relationship will slow down their career goals, which is only true if the person you're with isn't on the same page as you. Marriage, what used to be seen as an accomplishment, is no longer seen as that for this generation, but rather something that people will fall into after they have settled down in their careers. 

While all of this is cool, the independence that millennials have can be detrimental in other areas. You should absolutely date multiple people so you can find yourself and what you truly like but millennials also use this freedom to be more sexually promiscuous than any other generation. With STDs at an all time high, I think we forget the importance of choosing your partners wisely and practicing safe sex. Things that used to be sacred to relationships, like nudity and the privacy of a relationship are thrown around on social media timelines like candy. Social media has given millennials pictures of what they believe are "relationship goals" and we often don't realize that what's on social media isn't reality. 

Social media shouldn't dictate to you what your relationship should be like, what kind of dates you should go on, or whether it's cool or not to be in a relationship. This generation prides itself in being free thinkers but we truly don't realize how much we tend to group think, and let others influence our thoughts. It's okay to love and be in love, and it's surely okay to share romance with your partner. It's okay to make love instead of looking for the quickest hookup. There are still some of us who value what's real; real dates, real love, real romance. And it might just be up to us to rescue the idea of love and romance. Don't let the love fade, millennials. 

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Getting Married Is Not The Key To Love And Happiness

“I’m just trying to make money, catch me a husband, so I can get my happiness.”

By: Deveney Marshall

It was a slow and rainy Wednesday at work, so my coworker and I began talking about our romantic relationships to pass the time. I explained to her I considered myself single(ish) and she shared the same sentiment as well, a sentiment several millennials like myself can relate to. We continued our conversation about marriage and relationships, and before she left she said these words “I’m just trying to make money, catch me a husband, so I can get my happiness.” I pondered on those words for a while, and all I could think to myself was money and marriage aren’t the keys to a happy life and why do we even still believe in that age-old ideal?

Marriage has always been seen as a high priority goal on the list for people wanting to achieve the American dream. Even in 2018, a lot of millennials still see marriage as this fairytale-like fallacy, and feel in order to have happiness then they have to be married. Traditionally speaking, marriage has never been about true love or happiness. It has always been handled like a business deal, using women as collateral. Women would provide domestic duties in exchange for financial security. However, those days are (almost) behind us, and women make enough to sustain their own cost of living. We can now officially marry one another for all of the right reasons, yet we still are not. Why?

For starters, people have to become more honest with themselves. Most people don’t care about having a happy and successful marriage, they just don’t want to be alone. They believe marriage will be this cure-all for their unhappiness. However, marriage is not the cure for loneliness, self-work is.

Self work, which falls under us millennials favorite pastime of self care, is about tuning into who we are in this life and growing into the person we want to be. For instance, when is the last time you took a moment to reflect on what truly makes you happy? Or when was the last time you contemplated on the emotions you feel when you're alone? Answering questions like those honestly will help you to begin the self work you need to be an ideal partner for marriage one day. Once you find your happiness, you become more comfortable with who you are, and you stop looking for your joy within someone else.

Now hear me clearly when I say there is nothing wrong with wanting to be married. Marriage can be a beautiful thing when done correctly. Just stop looking for marriage to fulfill this empty void in your life. It won’t, and you will end up feeling even more alone being married than you were while you were single. You are the sole source of your own happiness. Once you realize and believe that, I guarantee you everything else in your life will fall into place (even marriage).

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4 Obvious Signs They're Losing Interest

By: Alyssa Cole

Dealing with rejection is never easy, especially if you’re being left after investing time into someone. You get so wrapped up in being around that person and it never dawns on you that maybe some things have changed right in front of your eyes. It’s the worst realizing that your clock has ticked its time all away with someone and now you’re back at square one looking for something new to put on your arm. Isn’t it typically a little obvious to see your partner losing interest in you? What’s interesting enough is that we as people do tend to see the signs, but we’re just too blind to initially notice them due to how much we like and care about the person at the time. Are you wondering if the person you’re talking to is losing interest? Have their habits changed? Is the vibe different? Here are some obvious signs that you may be dealing with someone who is losing interest.

The Conversation Becomes Short

If the conversation goes from every day and multiple times throughout the day to only a few times out of the week, there is a good chance they could be getting bored and have lost that spark to engage with you. When you’re starting out and trying to get a feel for someone, typically you can expect to talk on a daily basis or an every other day basis depending on the person. If more than two days go by and you haven’t heard from them, if they aren’t going through something serious on their end personally, this is a big hint they may be on their way out. 

They Avoid Serious Conversations

Have the conversations about things like family, politics, interests, and a future together suddenly gone missing from your list of topics? This is not a coincidence. If you are trying to have deep conversations and the person doesn’t desire to engage with you on these matters like before, it is probably because they no longer see you in any of those future scenarios with them and don't desire to start deep conversations because they know they won't stick around in the conversation long enough to finish it with you.

They Start Forgetting Everything  

Do they go from remembering everything you enjoy and paying attention to all your little gestures, to suddenly forgetting that they didn’t have a conversation with you? You find yourself reminding them about plans that were made in advance or about something important you already told them? Chances are they are forgetting things because they no longer care to make certain things a priority to remember. Someone who is losing interest and moving on will do this one very often. If someone new has came along, they are probably trying to keep you and the new person’s conversations separate in their mind, but more than likely they are starting to get them mixed up and confusing their own self!

They Constantly Make Excuses

 This may be the most obvious sign of them all. When you try to make plans lately do they come up with a silly reason why they can’t come out at the last minute? When they forget to reply back for hours to a message do you start to hear the “Oh I forgot”, “Oh I fell asleep”, “Oh I thought”, statements? We all know what excuses are and sometimes we as people genuinely do make mistakes, but if you are getting excuses more than half of the time when interacting with this person, chances are they are coming up with excuses because they don’t know to be honest about no longer wanting to develop something more with you. Excuses, Excuses, Excuses!! 

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Relationship Therapy: 4 Steps To Help With Trust Issues In A Relationship

By: Alyssa Cole

Trust is one of the single most important things there is to have between you and another person. Whether it's your husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, friends, or even co-workers, having trust is important to the success of all healthy relationships especially a serious relationship. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you lost trust in someone? They lied to you about something? They kept something important from you? They weren’t honest with you about something that was impactful to you?

This is very common! You may see social media today quotes and tweets with people saying things like “I have trust issues”, “I’m afraid to open up”, “I don’t want to get close to anybody”, “I’m tired of being hurt”. Losing trust in someone special to you can seem like the end of the world sometimes and for many, it can take a long time to regain trust.

Lack of trust, however, is one the worst traits to have when you are trying to develop a new relationship or to save one. Many couples have experienced situations that created a lack of “trust” and the end results have been heartbreaking. Sometimes situations are better off ending, but the ones worth saving require a few steps to get back to that happy medium. Let’s discuss some steps to take when trying to learn how to trust again.

1) Switch Shoes - Switching places with the person that broke your trust to understand why they made the choice that they did, can be very beneficial to you. Have you stopped to ask yourself why they kept something from you? Was it to really hurt you? Was it intentional? Having an open mind to think about the other person’s mindset could help you get a better understanding of the situation.

2) Right Time, Right Place - When you’ve had time to think things through about the situation that hurt you, decide when is the right opportunity to bring the conversation up to find a solution. If you react too quickly, the relationship can suffer damages that may be avoided if you wait just a little while to think things out. There is a time and a place for everything, especially when getting back together.

3) Tone is Everything - The way you approach your first conversation after the situation can potentially determine the results. You could be having thoughts like "I don't wanna do this anymore" or "should I break up with my boyfriend" but take your time and think through. You’re already upset, you’re emotional, and possibly still gathering your thoughts even when going into the conversation, so choose wisely your attitude and volume when talking. When tension is high, there is a greater risk of escalation and it’s crucial to avoid any unnecessary conflict. Remember this is someone you care about! Even though you may be upset, remember to keep your cool, watch your tone, and respect each other’s space. Just talk it out; communication in relationships can keep you from breaking up with someone you love and ending a relationship.

4) Talk It Out, Move Forward - Once you have the conversation, the most important thing from there is to LET IT GO! This is the step that many people struggle with depending on the situation. How often have you heard someone say that they tried but they just couldn’t stop thinking about the past? No! No! No! If you let the past control your relationship, you could end up in a broken relationship! Be strong enough to let the situation go and move forward with them if it’s a relationship truly working saving. Even if you can’t accept the situation and remain close to the person, make it a goal to forgive them, to move forward, and to not hold a grudge over it. Remember that when you don’t forgive, you give the other person power over you. Don’t you want your power? Talk it out and move forward!

Without trust, no serious relationship can be stable, so as people we must learn how to trust and when we lose our trust in others, we must be willing to forgive and to move forward without holding on to past hurt. When you let the pain go, that is when you start to truly live and love again.

Lastly, take your time when healing to ensure that your trust in other's won't suffer in the future. The last thing you want to do is lose out on great people due to holding on to the past right? Remember, trust is key!

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The Social Pressure To Lose Your Virginity

By: Abina George

We are a nation obsessed with losing your virginity. We have countless movies centered around this concept of purity and the necessity to rip it away, which in turn has created a social pressure to lose your virginity. It’s the only way to purge the innocence and ignorance of childhood and begin to enjoy adulthood in its entirety. Or so the media programs us to think.

According to the media, adulthood is this magical time when a child matures and is finally able to enjoy the freedom and whims of adulthood. Movies like the 40-Year-Old Virgin feed on the fear of many that their life will be unfulfilled without intercourse and enforced the idea that those who aren’t sexually active are social outcasts.

>> SEE ALSO: Relationship Therapy: 4 Steps To Help With Trust Issues In A Relationship

Many have an abrupt realization that adulthood is not as glamorous as many would like you to think. The cost of a few intimate moments can result in STIs and possibly even pregnancy. Many women’s magazines encourage sexual prowess but neglect to list the dangers or the steps one needs to take to stay safe. Then connections with possible partners can be taxing. Some people just don’t mesh well together, and some are just out for conquests.

>> SEE ALSO: Shoot Your Shot: Why A Guy Gets Rejected

American culture dictates that one stipulation of happiness is to be sexually liberated. A person’s desire to prolong the beginning of a sexual life or pickiness of one’s partners is deemed prudish and bizarre.

Respect for a woman’s choice to keep her body to herself is scoffed upon. Many seem to view a woman’s body as a tool to be used by others. Sex is expected after receiving minor niceties. Physical labor such as housework is often understood as the price we pay for a relationship with a man. Overall, a woman’s body is commonly seen as something to be had and used by men.

Women should have the same rights as men. The problem is that most people don’t take seriously the mental and physical dangers involved in sex. A woman should not be ridiculed for making the same sexual choices as a man and more importantly, women should not be pressured into such a huge decision with various possible negative results.

A person has as much right to abstain from sex as those that chose to engage in it. Virgins should not be pressured into such a large event in their lives. For those who decide waiting until marriage is the right decision, that choice should be supported and accepted by peers as much as being sexually active already is.

Enjoy life without the pressures others place upon your body. Your body is yours alone and only you suffer the consequences of these decisions.

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Dating Advice: 4 Signs You're Dating Someone Emotionally Unavailable

By: Alyssa Cole

Are you getting to know someone who doesn't quite seem like their ready to let their guard down? Feeling constantly blocked out when a deep conversation begins? Are they struggling with moving forward to become serious with you? This type of person is not ready for a serious relationship. All of the these situations could stem from two words....EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE! 

This term has become a popular thing among the young generations when explaining why they just aren't ready to move forward. Everyone is different and has their different reasons for why they are emotionally unavailable, but am I the only one that gets confused when they do everything like a boyfriend/girlfriend, acts just like a boyfriend/girlfriend, doesn't want to see you with anyone else, but then comes back to you saying their not ready to actually be that special someone to you.

Yes, this can be very frustrating! What's worse is if you invest so much time into someone and don't catch the signs early. We are all just looking for someone who is also focused on growing together and build with so who wants to waste time right?! 

Want to know how you can detect if your potential love interest may be emotionally unavailable? 

>> SEE ALSO: The Social Pressure To Lose Your Virginity

4 Signs You're Dating Someone Emotionally Unavailable

The Freak - Watch out for this one. They will try to snatch your soul in the sheets quickly but when things start to get a little too deep and you become intimate with this person, they tend to slowly fall back and eventually take off.

When I'm Free - Now this one is the type that only wants to hang out or be sexual when they are in the mood and focuses more so on what they desire and not you. This one can be tricky to spot sometimes if you're dealing with a "nice person". They may come up with excuses as to why they can't do things on your time and even may disappear for days or weeks after just being cuddled up with you while watching movies. Crazy right?

 The Complainer - This person will talk about everything their ex did to hurt the relationship but won't own up to where they may have failed to make it work. They like playing the victim and may lack emotional maturity and display it by talking bad about their ex if you ask questions about the previous relationship. It's clear they aren't letting go of a relationship and is a big sign that they may not be emotionally ready for a new relationship.

The " I don't think/I just cant" person - Have they ever said things like "I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship right now", " I don't know how a relationship could work for me at this point", I don't think commitment is for me", or "I'm just not good at relationships"?  This person is letting you know without saying it that they clearly are NOT READY for a serious relationship. Do not be the person that wants to be a superwoman/superman and feel like you are just the person to fix all their problems. Don't do it!!! Pay attention to their words because if they are saying things like this, nine times out of ten, they probably mean it. 

 Pay attention to these types of people and signs you are experiencing. Ask yourself is this the type of person you're dealing with? If someone is emotionally unavailable you must understand that it can take time for them to fully move forward in a relationship. Is it something you are willing to accept? Or do you feel you deserve someone who is open to moving forward with you now?

Choose Wisely.

THIS ARTICLE IS RELATED TO: relationship questions, relationship advice, emotional intelligence, emotional abuse, dating problems advice, advice on love and relationships

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Commitment Issues: What Does Commitment Look Like These Days

By: Alyssa Cole

Scrolling down timelines on social media today with this new generation includes seeing selfies, fashion, quotes, and oh yea Love Memes! Or can you even call it that to be honest? You see a lot of “I wish I had this” or “All I need is that” type of thing not realizing that hey your mystery lover isn’t going to find you just from ten thousand retweet’s or reposts about what you wish you could find. Sorry!!! One of the best quotes about life that comes to mind is “Walk the walk and talk the talk”.

So many young people say one thing but when someone is right in front of them that may be just the person for them they get hesitant, fearful, sometimes skeptical, or even simply just realize their fear of commitment. Come Again?!!

Makes no sense some may say looking in from the outside, but our way of communicating as young people has changed drastically. The tv series “Grown-ish” really displayed it best for the young people. We lack communicating our feelings or make it harder than it needs to be sometimes.

We don’t want to come off too clingy but deep down want that person all to ourselves, we hate seeing that person with other people, but can’t seem to stand up and say “Look I like you and I want to see where this thing could go”. When did feelings become such a negative thing?! Some may blame the environment you grew up in. Divorce ratings are around 50% in likelihood of occurring in America to the average married couple and has been said to have an effect on children even down to the child not desiring in the future marriage or a long term committed relationship. Let that sink in for a second.

Now some may say that sounds crazy but from countless conversations with people, I’ve personally found that more people have said they don’t have any reasons to get married or have doubts about marriage and majority of these people have experienced divorce or separation within their households.

Now although this doesn’t relate to every person in this situation, it’s still eye opening to the impact it can really have on a person. Aside from divorce being a reason, some people just don't want to put in the effort to build something that grows into marriage or even worse, some people just have a ton of expectations or excuses why someone they've met or came across isn't right for them without really taking the time to give them a chance. Have you been guilty of any of these in the past?

As generations continue to grow, the traditional lifestyle fades out and new values and lifestyles slide on in. What will getting married look like in ratings in the next ten years? Will it turn around or will it continue to decrease? Will commitment become extinct at some point or will more young people see the value in it and try to put effort into something long lasting? Only time will tell right?!

One thing we all know is that effective communication in relationships is key agreed? So if we lose sight of how to do that, how can friendships and relationships last? In general, we are all trying to figure out how to become successful and live our best life! Just something to think about!

THIS ARTICLE IS RELATED TO: commitment issues, committed relationship, relationship commitment, relationship commitment issues, dating advice

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Shoot Your Shot: Why A Guy Gets Rejected

By: Danielle Layne

Most of my time on Facebook is spent reading memes and horror stories where someone gets rejected and chaos ensued. I often view many posts of men going off on women because those women were not interested. If you shoot your shot, there is a chance that you will fail to score Therefore I decided to share a few possible reasons why the men failed to score, whether online or in person.

Why Men May Fail to Score

1. No Understanding of How to Make Conversation

Some dudes believe that they should inject a “Wyd” in a female’s inbox everyday and get miraculous results.  Just no.  Who wants to tell some random person a daily log of their activities?  

2.  Dating Anxiety: Hot to Not be Nervous on a Date

Even when a guy successfully gets to go on a date with a woman that interests him, he proceeds to sit, stare and cold-sweat during most of the date.  This is annoying and the female on the date might think that this dude has the personality of a wet noodle.  Or worse, she may be wondering if she is now on a date with a serial killer.  Deal-breaker much? 

3.  Jack of all trades.

What is up with men who try to pursue multiple females at the same time?  Does he want to form an all-female basketball team?  Is he looking for a sister-wife or nah? I had a dude call me and have long conversations for almost a month, only to realize he was calling my friend and coworker too.  On the same day.  With the same questions.  Why??

4.  You Talk Too Much: Learn How to Talk to Women

This is an unfortunate consequence of a nervous or overly confident man. Just this week I stood in a bank queue in front of a young couple. I swear, the young man spoke about himself for a good forty-five minutes. His companion could hardly get a word in edgeways. Don’t be that guy.

5.  Don't Understand How to Handle Rejection

This point is really for the keyboard warriors who inbox women with “Good morning”, “Wyd”, “You’re beautiful” or any variation of this.  These messages may signify interest and if she is happily taken, they only serve to annoy.  What is a man expecting to gain from telling a woman she is beautiful multiple times if she already has a partner who tells her such.  Yes, it is a compliment that most women will graciously accept. Telling this to her repeatedly may just be a waste of the dude’s time.

How Do We Change This? 

In order to change some of these misses to hits, we need to consider a few things.

1. Figure out why you want to speak to this woman. Is she a pretty Instagrammer that everyone seems to adore? Do you think she has a wonderful personality and will be a great wife and mother? If it is the former, it’s best that you move it along. If it is the latter, then hey-give it a go.

2. Ask questions to find out the woman’s interests. What are her hobbies? Her idea of a casual date? What does she like to talk about? If you find out the answer to some of these questions, then you are well on your way

Of course, I am only one woman so what is written above represents my opinion.  Dudes if you “wyd” and “hey beautiful” and your strategy opens doors, then by all means don’t change.  If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

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