Sex Before Marriage Can Save You Longterm Disappointment
Getting into a marriage just to find out that the person of your dreams isn’t what you pictured them to be in bed, is a nightmare that we all wish to avoid. Here’s why sex before marriage can be to your benefit!
By: Omar Cook
Sex is a powerful tool that should not be taken for granted and abused. It’s also something that can affect how you interact with your partner in a relationship. We have always been taught from an early age that we should wait until we get married to have sex, but in all honesty, how many people are really waiting until marriage?
This isn’t to say to you should be having sex in every relationship, or with every person that peaks your interest. And if you have religious reasons for holding off until you tie the knot, hold true to your own beliefs. But if things are getting pretty serious and you want to know that what lies under the covers fits your agenda, you might just want to give it a shot.
Waiting until marriage leaves a lot room for the unknown. A legitimate fear of not having sex before marriage is, what if you don’t click with your partner intimately? Sexual attraction and sexual chemistry are two different things. You can be extremely attracted to a person physically but the sex can be wack!
Sex can solve a lot of issues, or at the very least, make some things about your partner just a little bit more tolerable. Imagine having a bad argument, and wanting to be able to make up with each other physically, but the sex is just as bad as the argument. Now you’re physically and mentally frustrated. Lack of sexual chemistry is a recipe for disaster.
It’s like test driving a car, no person in their right mind is going to leave a car lot without taking it around the block first. Sex can always be learned and taught and you can grow with your partner, but that’s definitely a risk you’re going to take if you wait until marriage. If you’re going to spend the rest of your life with a person, you’re obviously going to want to know if they can satisfy you physically. Getting into marriage just to find out that the person of your dreams isn’t what you pictured them to be in bed, is a nightmare that we all wish to avoid.
We don’t live in the 1800s and people aren’t getting married off love at first sight anymore. You’ll want to everything about who you’re getting involved with and sex is a major factor in a relationship. Sex isn’t the answer to a healthy relationship and it should also not be the deciding factor on whether you should be with someone, but it is important nonetheless. If having sex before marriage is what you and your partner decide to do, do it the safe way of course!
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5 Ways To Avoid Having Sex While Dating
You’ve gone on numerous dates and have started really getting to know someone new, but you don’t know if you’re ready to be intimate with your partner! Here are 5 ways to avoid having sex while dating!
By: Alyssa Cole
It’s been a few months, and you’ve gone on numerous dates and have started to really get to know someone new. They're extremely attracted to you mentally and especially physically, but you really want to wait until you’re in a serious and committed relationship to be intimate. There was a time where there was a 90-Day Rule when it came to sex, but over time things have changed and people are letting the flow of how the vibe is with one another decide when the time is right. Although going with the flow is not necessarily a bad thing, you don’t want to let the sexual chemistry cloud the focus on building a solid foundation for the relationship. So what can be done?! Here are a few ways you can avoid having sex while dating.
1) No Home Dates
Trying to decide what to do for a date but you keep thinking about how nice a movie with your favorite take-out cuddled up would be? Stop right there. This is one of the easiest ways to get yourself caught up in a spicy situation with your new boo. We all know a good movie and some extra close touching can lead to much more and it can happen relatively quickly! Try coming up with places to go outside of the house to avoid the extra privacy you’re not ready to have.
2) Avoid Late Meet-ups
Have you ever heard the saying, “The Freaks Come Out At Night"? Yes, this is in fact very true for the average hormonal person. It is more common for someone to think about sexual intercourse the later it gets into the night vs early in the morning or midday. This, of course, varies by the person, but the best thing to do is to arrange plans during the day to make it less of a possibility that you may get tired and potentially desire to stay the night. Which leads me to my next tip.
3) No Sleepovers
I get it. You may be starting to get serious and you have the freedom of staying over each other’s houses. You’re in the faze where you want to see them every other day and spend as much time together, but staying the night is OFF LIMITS! This is definitely the easiest way to end up having sex too soon. You may say to yourself “I can control myself”, early in the night, but then you get comfortable, your favorite love songs are playing, and you find yourself wondering what it would be like to experience that amazing moment with this person your really into right here, right now. Be patient! It’s better to avoid staying the night completely until you are in a serious relationship.
4) Don’t Give The Wrong Impression
How embarrassing is it when your new boo thinks it’s the perfect time to become intimate because your body language is yelling it, but in reality, you aren’t even sure what you’re ready for! Don’t play with their emotions. Don’t start kissing them on their neck or chest and expect them to avoid the temptation. Sex is an intimate thing exchanged between two people and to some, it’s a precious thing to do. Be sure your actions and your mind are on the same level to alleviate any unnecessary confusion. By making it clear you’re not ready and avoiding giving off the wrong vibe, you can avoid your new boo attempting to initiate something sexual.
5) Avoid Things That Trigger Sexual Arousal
It’s no secret people like to drink and some like to take other substances as a form of socializing. If you know that after a few drinks or smoking you may find yourself likely to be in the mood, avoid these behaviors as much as possible when you’re with your partner. You may want to go out for drinks with them and that’s ok, just as long as you know your limit! Knowing what trigger’s you to be sexually aroused, will be crucial to you avoiding having sex too soon.
While all these are great ways to avoid sex, the most important thing you must have is self-control. We live in a time where we want everything fast including relationships, but like all good things that last, it takes time and patience. Just because you wait to take certain big steps doesn’t mean you aren’t seriously interested in the person nor does it mean you won’t become ready at a certain point. Take your time, enjoy the dating phase, and focus on really getting to know the person.
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Can You Have A Casual Hookup Just As Friends?
Sex is the most intimate thing you can do with a person! Can you really have a casual hookup just as friends and not get attached? We discuss it here!
Sex is the most intimate thing you can do with a person, so is this really something you want to do with someone you call your friend? Friends with benefits relationships are extremely risky because even though both people have mutually agreed to have sex with no attachments, sex can easily raise your emotions. For men, men will almost have sex with anything moving if you gave them an opportunity to, so a casual hookup is a lot easier for men than it is for women.
Even though women say they can handle a relationship like this, 9 times out of 10 this is false! Women believe they can handle a casual hookup just as friends until they get hooked by good sex and now their emotions are taking over. Sex can unleash emotions you never thought you had, and good sex can turn the calmest women crazy. Understand that if you’re engaging in a casual hookup with your friend, you’re putting your whole friendship at risk.
Engaging in this type of relationship can bring on a host of emotions including jealousy. With no strings attached, you can’t be mad at the other person for talking to other people. This might seem easy at first, but again, sex brings on emotions you probably thought you could deal with at first. Casual sex is nothing to play around with, especially if it’s one of your good friends. For a friends with benefits relationship to work, boundaries have to be set from the get go and no matter what, those lines can’t be crossed even when emotions start to creep in. If you’re not good at communicating, and you know you wear your emotions on your sleeve, you’re just setting yourself up for failure by even getting involved.
So since this is just a casual hookup, and your just friends right, what happens when one person starts dealing with another person, or even a potential relationship? Does the sex stop there? Do you still maintain a friendship while the other person is in a relationship? A better question would be, if you get into a relationship after having casual hookups with your friend, do you let your new boyfriend or girlfriend know that you hooked up with this friend or is this a secret you’re going to the grave with? Flip the roles. Would you be okay with your boyfriend or girlfriend keeping a friendship going with someone they were having casual sex with?
We can all agree that sex is fun, but sex can destroy a relationship, better yet a friendship. You have to be special kind of person to be able to have a friends with benefits relationship because it’s almost as if you have to put your emotions to the side and act as if they don’t exist for it to work. If you’re a heartless person who’s okay with doing things with no attachments, then okay, this might be the perfect relationship for you. You could argue that you’re being safe with your sex life by having sex with someone you trust. Understandable. But again, this is a dangerous line to cross!
How long can a relationship like this even really last or is this just something you do in the meantime between time until you’re ready to settle down? If having sex with your friend is what you want to do, no one is stopping you or condemning you. Just understand you are opening pandora’s box and allowing a number of potential issues to creep into what once was just an innocent friendship.