Mastering Forgiveness: Letting Go of Past Grudges
By: Sydni Hatley
Some of us like to hold grudges whether on purpose or not. We can’t let go of that rude thing some man said to us six weeks ago, or the pain a lover caused six years ago. We hold a grudge against that friend who slipped up a while back, or the parent who left and never came back.
We stay mad, hurt, or bothered because we have not released the pain a person caused us. We have not released the embarrassment or even the guilt from something that happened---we wish we could roll back the clock and do things differently---we live in the past.
The purpose of forgiving is not so much for the other person, but more so for ourselves. After all, why is the person who cheated on you and hurt you so bad STILL living rent-free in your mind? Why are you replaying all of the anger and negativity you felt? A lot of it has to do with the lack of forgiveness.
We forgive ourselves in order to move forward and release the past. It is necessary to reconcile those feelings of hurt and pain, acknowledge them, and let them go. When we forgive, we open ourselves up to opportunities we would not have been able to receive by holding onto baggage from the past. Understanding the beautiful blessings that are just waiting to come your way, makes letting go of pain that much easier.
You forgive by first fully acknowledging the hurt someone or something caused you. This is sometimes the hardest part because it is the hardest term to come to---you were hurt.
The next thing is to realize that whatever happened DOES NOT DEFINE YOU, so you should not hold onto it or the person who did it.
The last part is release, which can be achieved in various ways. For some, release can look like saying a prayer and then no longer revisiting the issue in your mind. For others, release can look like simply reaching out to the person who caused the pain, telling them where you are at, and asking them not to respond. This is more of a process for you to confront the issue head on one last time, so you can move forward. The purpose of asking the person not to respond is so they can respect your journey and leave the situation alone just as you intend to once you have said your piece.
The last thing you can try is journaling and either throwing it away, burning the words, or even keeping it. The point is to get your feelings out and leave them alone. This will allow you to be at peace in the end.
Forgiveness is a process and it can in fact be hard to tackle. That’s why it takes discipline and time. You can’t force it. The most important thing is that you take your time to fully let go over whatever pain you’re harboring, and know that something better is waiting for you on the other side.
YOU MAY ALSO BE INTERESTED IN:
