After ‘Amen’…Now What? What to do When Prayer Isn’t Enough

By: Jamila Gomez

I used to know this girl who always complained about being single. What seemed like every single day, she would go on some sort of rant about how badly she hated being single. She’d talk about how unlovable she felt. How she wasn’t good enough or pretty enough. Or that she had certain challenges that she felt hindered her ability to find love. Now, I won’t front. I know these feelings all too well. I used to have my moments of ‘why not me’ regarding finding love. But she was different. 

Whenever she and I talked about her feelings, she would always mention that she was rigorously and relentlessly praying for God to bring her somebody. And that would just kind of be . . . it. She’d pray and pray and pray, and then continue on with her life, only to turn around, complain again, pray again, and so forth. The cycle would continue. 

During these talks, she always said that she was waiting on God to work this miracle. I always saw this as a roadblock and I even told her. Perhaps that is why we no longer speak. This girl was a shy girl with not a lot of self-worth. She was a stunningly beautiful girl with glowing chocolate skin and juicy natural curls. Her smile was bright as the sun. And her personality was bubbly and fun. She was going to school and she seemed happy. But I guess she felt like the only thing missing in her life was a man. 

The issue is, she was a homebody. The only places she went were school and church. But she didn’t talk to people. She wasn’t the making friends type. Besides in person, she didn’t have any sort of way to meet people online either. She had a Facebook, but that was it. She wasn’t down for making a dating profile anywhere. So, her presence wasn’t wide enough. But she wasn’t willing to widen it.

God can and indeed will work miracles in our lives when it’s in accordance with His plan for our lives. When you pray and ask God for a miracle or for him to make a move in your life, though, there are two things that YOU have to be willing to do to receive what you’re asking for:

1. Position Yourself

In my former friend’s case, she just expected a man to show up at her doorstep. She wasn’t willing to put herself out there to be found. Now, I’m not saying that she needed to go up to every man she saw and start flirting. But what I am saying is that how did she expect to be found if she’s hiding? Positioning yourself does not equate to chasing or pursuing. It just means being accessible and approachable.

If you want a potential significant other to share a hobby, perhaps join a club or a Meetup for that specific hobby. If you’re not into going out, perhaps make a profile on a free dating app. At least give it a sincere try. If you don’t like the experience, get rid of it. But at least give it a try. You have to be willing to position yourself to receive the thing you’re praying for.

2. Fix Your Heart

Part of receiving something that you’re praying for is believing you deserve it. Believing that you are worthy of the thing. Affirm and proclaim that you are good enough for the thing. It is easier said than done, I know. Especially if you are willing to position yourself and put yourself out there and still coming up with nothing. That can put a damper on your spirit. But this is not an excuse to give up and just think it’s never going to happen. You have to believe that you can have it.

I simply had to tell this person that although she was waiting on God, perhaps He was waiting on her. Waiting on her to move. Waiting on her to do HER part. He doesn’t need our help, but He does require our obedience. And we can’t just expect Him to gift us just because He’s God and can do what He wants. He doesn’t owe us that. I don’t know if she ever received what she prayed for. I hope she did. And if not, I hope she does. I believe she’s worth it. But it’s not enough for me to believe. She has to, too. And it’s not enough to just believe. She has to do be willing to do something. Because after all, faith without works is dead.

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Finding Your Own Happiness And Overcoming Your Fears

By: Jordan King

First and foremost no weapon formed against you shall prosper. Nothing real can be threatened, and nothing unreal exists. Fear is honestly just an illusion. All things considered, fear can also be a fuel. Fuel for motivation, for inspiration, and ultimately potential that otherwise wouldn’t have been realized.

We often relate that which is unknown to that which scares us. The power and grip fear can have on your life is mighty. It can cripple and confuse even the strongest people. Fear can topple nations and destroy lives only if you fail to turn the situation into your favor by transmuting the energy brought on by being afraid. We can accomplish and achieve our hearts desire; nothing will stop the positivity flowing from within you and you’ll be at peace within yourself. To be honest, you won’t really need anyone else except for the spirit above.

Eight is the number of harmony. Now for eight minutes, solo rays of light from that mighty yellow star sail through space to illuminate our world. The cold vacuum of space can’t even stop the comforting warmth the sun provides. Through eclipses & storms, Light provides true life, while the moon illuminates the night. Darkness temporarily reigns supreme, while joy is still present even in the shadows. Light is produced and cultivated from within.

Everything is connected & joy comes from within self. The individual is responsible for their own happiness despite the draws and allures of claims of fulfillments from outside sources. Also, it can become very satisfying to know not to depend on others for that which you need to find yourself.

Happiness looks different for everyone. No one size fits all in this life; you must search long and hard to find your peace and joy. When you find even a sliver, a portion, protect at all costs… for you and your life matter matters. It’s safe to say most humans have experienced sadness or even yearning over something or someone. Fear creeps in to fill the void left by lack of joy; however, we’re all about solutions here! How do we maintain joy during those occasional dark and trying times?

Divinity, or that breath of life, exists in us all. That spark is invaluable. Yet there is an evil presence on earth. It’s natural and present all this time, so you must experience fear alongside joy. If you don’t, how can one appreciate the mountains if you haven’t suffered in the trenches? Earth is a strong planet, she knows no fear. If the nature has yet to forsake us on a celestial journey hurtling through the universe, why should any of us harbor fear?

Exploit the emotion of fear. Turn the process into your favor; continue to use your personal toolbox to make it fair. Your boom can’t stop; rest if you must but do not quit! Remember that you are stuff of Stardust, and that your mission and time on this planet is divine and by divine intention.

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The Choice Is Yours: Why Forgiveness is Necessary

By: Jamila Gomez

You may not believe me when I say this, but it’s a fact: you can choose the thoughts you think at any time. You have full control over the thoughts that control your emotions, which ultimately control your actions. Many don’t realize how it all works together, and it doesn’t always work for everyone in every situation. But it’s more possible than people realize.

This choice -- the choice to choose one’s thoughts – is a gift given to us for free, ready to be received whenever we want it. Think of a time when someone has been physically imprisoned because of another person’s actions and eventually released. Suppose I ask that person if they’ve forgiven the people who put them in the position to be imprisoned to begin with and they say no. So, what does this tell you?

It tells you that this person is holding onto that anger. Rightfully so, because it is indeed understandable that one would naturally be angry about a situation like this. The truth, though, is that they’re still imprisoned. So, then the question becomes who is doing the imprisoning now? That person is!

The fact of the matter is that, in this moment, they're no longer in prison in the physical, but because that person refuses to forgive the situation, that person is mentally imprisoned. We should no longer allow ourselves to be prisoners in our own minds any longer.

This begs yet another question: how can some people forgive such unspeakable circumstances and others can’t? It’s a real question. And we’ve all been on both ends of the spectrum. The fact of the matter, though, is that we’re all able. The problem lies in whether or not we WANT to do it. Many of us don’t want to forgive. Many people get pleasure from the attention and sympathy they receive from others when they don’t forgive. They enjoy feeling like a victim as opposed to taking their power back and reclaiming our right to live full and prosperous lives. 

We all have to make a choice on how we will deal with the cards our lives have dealt us. We really only have to choose between two choices: allowing ourselves to be imprisoned mentally or taking life by horns and do some incredible things despite all the negative experiences we’ve endured. We also have to come to the understanding of who the forgiveness is actually for.

So many people think that when they forgive, it means that the other person’s behavior is excused or goes unpunished, although we don’t have the power to punish people in that way. But people assume that when they forgive, they are letting the offender off the hook. That is not how this goes. When you forgive, you are letting YOU off the hook.

If you’re currently struggling with unforgiveness, I would encourage you to really ask yourself why. Ask yourself honestly and sincerely. Get really clear on your reasons so that you can have an understanding of the choice that you're making with all your awareness. And this way, if you make the choice not to forgive, you are doing so with the understanding of what are you really doing, and to whom, and why.

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The Power of Affirmations | 4 Steps for Powerfully Affirming Yourself

By: Jamila Gomez

It has often been said that whatever follows “I am”, you are. Whatever you say you are, have, and are capable of, it is so. These statements are affirmations. These are words that we speak boldly about what we truly believe about ourselves in the moment. If you’re anything like me, you struggle sometimes with speaking kindly to and about yourself. So I have to use positive affirmations. And so many others use them as well. However, they don’t always work for everyone. Ever wonder why that is?

Your mind believes what you tell it to believe; what it is programmed to believe. If you program it with truth, it will believe the truth. Likewise, if you program it with lies, it will believe the lies. And it can stem all the way from childhood. If you were told repeatedly as a child that you’ll never amount to anything, you will grow up with that embedded in your mind. If you hear that you’re stupid or ugly, you’ll spend much of your life thinking that. But what if you start thinking positive thoughts and speak positive words over your life?

In order to really start making positive affirmations work for you, there is an exercise that you can try. I have found it to be extremely helpful when I need that extra power, so I invite you to try this as well.

4 Steps for Powerfully Affirming Yourself

1. Grab some paper and a writing utensil. You may need more than one sheet, depending on how deep the level of negativity programmed within. Write down every single negative thing either you have said to or about yourself or that someone else has ever said to or about you. You don’t need to know word-for-word what they’ve said, but as long as you have an overall idea, write it down. Make sure you skip a couple lines in between. 

2. Now, on the lines that you skipped, write down some positive declarations that combat the negative. If you have to google some positive terms, do that. You could also use Bible verses that speak to that particular feeling or thought. As long as it is the positive opposite of what you wrote at first, that’s the goal.

3. Speak the affirmation out loud every day. You can do this a number of ways. You can place sticky notes with affirmations on them in places where you will notice them every time and say what you see out loud. A good place to stick some notes is a mirror, preferably in your bathroom. When you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, you can say the affirmations to yourself. 

4. Feel it in your body as you are repeating your affirmations. Stand firm with both feet planted on the ground. Speak boldly. Raise your hands. Move your body. Do something physical as you speak these words so that they really penetrate. 

Once you begin to get the hang of affirming yourself out loud, you may be amazed at how much better you feel about yourself and how much of a better mood you are in. And again, these are only suggestions. And also again, it is not guaranteed to work for everyone. But try it for a while to see if it helps.

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Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life | The Keys to Stopping Self-Sabotage

By: Jamila Gomez

Whether we are aware or not, a lot of us get in our own way all the time. We have an idea of something we want to have or do, and then we do everything possible under the sun to make sure we never have or do it. Then we turn around and complain about it, wishing even more than before that things would change. That, my friends, is called self-sabotage. We have it bad and we need to let it go.

You see, self-sabotage – put it another way – is when we freeze our own progress in life. We are not talking about when we encounter situations and circumstances we cannot control. This is about the things we do (or don’t do) to OURSELVES to make sure we don’t get what we want, or at least take the long way around. Hence the word self. This is all about us.

So, what does self-sabotage actually look like?

Well, there are several different things that come into play when self-sabotage is being activated in our lives. Self-sabotage can come in the form of procrastination, indecision, negative self-talk, and unhealthy habits. Examples of these things could be: obviously, putting off important tasks until a much later date and/or time (or forever); doubting that the decision you want to make is the right one for you; putting yourself down; and becoming a worry wart. Perfectionism is also a way we sabotage ourselves. We wait until circumstances are perfect before we move. If the perfect time or circumstance never comes, we never move.

The next question is why. Why do we engage in self-sabotage?

Again, there are many reasons. One reason is that we don’t think we are worthy or good enough to have the thing that we want. We don’t like to take risks. We fear the unknown. We fear failure. We fear success. We receive pleasure from our comfort zone - even when we’re not necessarily comfortable in that zone, we are comfortable with not moving. We lack confidence. We are insecure. I could keep going, but you get the picture by now. The last thing I will mention is we lack awareness. A lot of times we are sabotaging ourselves and we don’t know it because we’re so used to doing what we’re doing that is causing the sabotage in the first place!

So, how do you defeat self-sabotage?

Once again, there are many ways. First and foremost, you need to step your belief game up. You have to believe in yourself and your abilities and capabilities. Know that you know that you have what it takes to do and have whatever you want. You also need to get over your fears. You do this by thinking about all the positive possibilities and all of the good things that can and will happen once you decide to go after the thing. Accept that you feel the fear but use the possibilities as fuel to move. Let go of the control. You don’t NEED to know how things will turn out. It will be what it will be, but it’ll never be if you don’t move. Don’t be scared to fail. Failure is where your lessons lie. When you fail, but you learn, you can take what you’ve learned and try again with that new information. 

Lastly, there is one last massive thing you should do to combat self-sabotage. When you feel yourself about to engage in even a thought that will cause you to do something that will sabotage your progress, immediately counter it with the opposite. Your thoughts control your emotions, and your emotions control your actions. Change your thoughts, change your life.

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The Masks We Wear: Overcoming Fear of Judgment

By: Jamila Gomez

A friend of mine commented on a selfie I posted on my one of my social media outlets and she said, “You’re always smiling!” I humbly thanked her for the compliment and felt true gratitude for her kind words towards me. At the same time, her observation caused me to realize a real truth about myself. And it’s quite possible that others see this same truth about themselves as well. And the truth is this: it is amazing how well we tend to hide how we really feel!

Now granted, I wasn’t feeling down in the dumps that day, but I wasn’t feeling my best either. I loved the way the yellow popped against my skin and I was obsessed with the way my hair turned out and those things made me cheerful. So, naturally, I did what most people who are feeling themselves in the moment do: I took a selfie and posted it.

Once I hit ‘post’, my reality at the time came rushing back almost immediately. I had a lot on my mind. I was struggling with some things. I had considered reaching out to someone and divulging that information but decided against it because of the fear of burdening them and receiving judgment. And there was my answer. I realized that the reason we wear masks is to avoid the reception we THINK we will receive when we’re authentically us. 

We tend to put on these masks and pretend to have it all together to avoid being judged when and if we really don’t. We pretend to act one way, but the reality is, we’re the complete opposite of who we POSE to be. We try so hard not to let the world know we’re falling apart and that life’s circumstances are chipping away at us little by little – all because we fear their opinions; opinions that ultimately only hold weight because we allow it. It doesn’t matter how they feel about what we’re going through, especially when they can’t be the ones to help us out of it.

There are droves of people who may be dealing with imposter syndrome, fear of judgment (rational or irrational), and fear of burdening those we care about with our issues. I am definitely one of them. I want to say that first, it’s okay. We all bow to that pressure to keep ourselves to ourselves at one point or another. But also, it’s important to know how enough you are as you are. How normal it is feel. How okay it is to not be okay. But also, how important it is to not stay that way.

Whether you’re happy as a lark or feeling like you can’t go on, it’s okay to say it either way. Granted, you do have to be mindful that not everyone around you truly cares for you and wants the best for you and you need to exercise discernment. But simply, you don’t need to wear a mask for anything outside of protecting yourself and others from COVID at this point. Let your true self shine. People will either love it or they’ll hate it. Either way, at least you’re brave enough to keep it real.

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Run Your Own Race: You're Doing More Than Enough

“Extraordinary people survive under the most terrible circumstances and they become more extraordinary because of it.”

— Robertson Davies

By: Jamila Gomez

The past year and some change has done quite the number on each and every one of us. The hits never seemed to stop. They kept coming, each one harder than the one before. We’ve experienced sickness and death, job and home loss, racism and bigotry, and chaos too immeasurable for words. We found ourselves in a constant state of helplessness and hopelessness with each passing day. We had no idea how we were doing to make it through. But we had to figure something out . . . or did we?

So many people had made the decision at the start of the pandemic that, that would be the perfect time to either begin a new hobby or rediscover old ones. Some of us got creative with our time by writing books, painting portraits, building and constructing things, and starting podcasts. Others spent their time catching up on their favorite shows and movies and venturing into new territory with new genre finds. Just on a personal note, I became quite obsessed quite quickly with HBO’s Lovecraft Country, and horror wasn’t something I was ever into. But I couldn’t get enough. But I digress. Back to the point.

Then there are those people who immersed themselves in new financial journeys, starting businesses and selling products. If you were blessed enough to have the money to start a business to begin with, congratulations to you on your accomplishment! It’s a huge step and you should be proud of yourself. Unfortunately, some of those business owners, movers and shakers, and go-getters made it a point to rub their accomplishments in the faces of those who were otherwise having a hard time. They’d say things like, “Why not now? You’re not doing anything else” or “While you’re sleeping, I’m grinding”. Here’s the thing: “grinding” isn’t everyone’s ministry.

It’s wonderful that you have the tools to get up and make things happen like that for yourself. Again, congratulations! But please be mindful that some people have lost quite a bit and don’t have it in them to do what you did. So many are living each day feeling like it’s too hard to try. I was in that spot myself. Emotionally, I travel there often. It’s not okay to make people feel like they aren’t doing enough. It’s not okay to measure other people’s productiveness by your own personal standards. If you’ve spent the last several months doing nothing but surviving, that is enough! Be proud of yourself for making the choice to pull through the best way you know how to.

At the end of the day, how you manage to make it one day at a time through these crazy days is your business and nobody needs to tell you anything about it. If you’re in a situation where you need help motivating yourself to make it through, research some ideas or find someone that you trust to talk to. But please know that you are enough. You’re doing enough. If all you can do is survive, that would be enough. Don’t let anyone tell you any different. You’re doing the best you can. That is enough.

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Living For Yourself: Who Is "They" And Why Do "They" Matter?

By: Jamila Gomez

You ever been in a conversation with someone and they start to recall something that “they” said? I have done it plenty of times myself. I’m willing to bet that you have as well. We remember more about what “they” said more than what we said. What “they” say holds a lot of weight for us.

We often find ourselves framing our world around what “they” say. We devalue our worth and don’t go forth in the things God has for us because of what “they” say. “They” said you’re not good enough. “They” said you weren’t qualified. “They” said you were too ugly or too fat. We’ve had all this negativity “they” spoke over us and it has hindered our progress. But seriously consider these questions: WHO IN THE WORLD IS “THEY”? And why do “they” matter so much?

“They” are the dream killers. The confidence crushers. The people who really don’t want the best for us or don’t believe we deserve the best. Some of us can put faces and names to who “they” are. “They” could be our family members and friends. “They” could be coworkers or bosses.

It is not uncommon for “they” to be those closest to us who do the most damage to our self-esteem. It is because of the relationships and closeness we share that makes it so hard not to take their opinions personally. We seek the most validation from them the most. Then there is the “they” we don’t know from a leaf on a tree and vice versa.

These are the ones who know very little, if anything at all, about us. They don’t know what we’ve been through that makes us who we are. They don’t understand the experiences we’ve had that shaped our thoughts. Yet, we care very deeply about what “they” say. And we need to stop. Or at least care a little less.

Don’t misunderstand. It’s a natural human feeling to be concerned with how others perceive us. All of us seek approval from others. There is nothing wrong with that. The problem comes in when we allow the negative things “they” say to hinder us. We stop dead in our tracks when someone has something negative or disapproving to say. What we don’t realize is that a lot of times, “they” are negative towards us because of the way they feel about themselves on the inside and they are projecting. We can’t take what “they” say so personally all the time.

There is a saying that goes, “what people think about you is none of your business”. And it’s so very true! Whether they think highly of us or think we’re the scum of the earth, it shouldn’t matter because it has no impact on the things that are meant for us. Our destiny was defined before we were. Our future was already planned out before we thought about it. So why are we letting “they” kick our butts so hard? We need to stop worrying about what “they” think and start doing things according to what we know. Because at the end of the day, “they” really don’t matter.

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Learning Lessons In Patience and Accountability

By: Jordan King

The 2020 pandemic, while still ongoing, has tested universal patience like never before. Through foreclosures, loved ones transitioning and more; our psyches can only handle so much. Once again though, Jordan is all about solutions! So how do we begin to pimp the process of patience properly and positively?

The Legend Pharrell Williams on his album GIRL said “you gotta go inward to experience the outer space that was meant for you”. We must dive deep to reach you a space of potential. It begins within you. No amount of lolly gagging or horseplay will create a future for what you seek for yourself; however it does take patience, time, energy and deep reflection.

Picture your optimum self. Your needs, your desires, your career, your passions; what does your ideal pair to these things look like? Who do you need to answer to for them? What needs to be accomplished on your end to make these things materialize we need to change? What can stay and what can wait? The best things in life are really worth waiting for.

With that being said, situations which require a period of patience may not always be comfortable, yet the reward gained in the end is both priceless and a true virtue. Experience becomes a teacher, as well as learning to act in the opportune moment.

During my ongoing journey, I spent about six collective years in undergrad trying to complete my college work. While I was able to eventually finish and graduate...it wasn’t easy and required much tenacity on my personal end. The whole process tested my own trinity (mind body and spirit) in ways I hadn’t yet imagined.

During those years, I experienced enough in my personal life to even gain guidance on eventually taking two non-consecutive semesters off to heal. Receive, observe, and stay still if you must. Remember to slow down and try to remember that you’re not in a rush. Don’t absorb all of your experiences and allow faith to play this game. With patience on your side, there isn’t anything you can’t tame! Well, for the most part lol!

Ever thought about what magic athletes and celebrities have over some people to gain more success than their peers? Why do the haves have and those that have not...lack? Don’t let them tell you about you! Don’t allow fear to stop you from conducting that inner work. If you ever find yourself abandoning self-accountability, just remember your divine spark. Speak light and positivity in your journey and enjoy the ride! Learn from the lessons and don’t skip the process, just pimp your problems positively and have patience!

Before I let you go on your way to return to your journey, keep in mind that sometimes waiting is in fact crucial. Divine and intentional sparks of life collide to create your everlasting energy and every living thing as well. Respect all people and remember your mission...and if you feel the heat is too much...

Just take a break from the kitchen!

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The Spectacle Of Self-Love: A Radical Approach To Self-Love And Appreciation

By: Cory Utsey

Self-love is defined as holding one’s happiness and well-being in high standing. We live in a world that markets off of the internalized hate and insecurities of its inhabitants; therefore, any movement towards self-love is as necessary as it is valid.

Straying away from the status quo, and placing true priority on one’s health and mental well-being, is a radical act in and of itself. However, the true power of self-love is at times lost to the same market and commercialization as insecurity.

Self-love has become a spectacle-- it is often written off as an aesthetic that can be achieved with superficial affirmations and skincare routines, rather than engaging in true transformation of self.

Any first-step towards self-prioritization is still valid, but simple, easy actions cannot be viewed as the fullest extent to which one can show love and care to themselves. Approaching self-love with a sense of radicalism is the key to feeling it in its most genuine form.

Poet, activist and author Sonya Renee Taylor cites radical self-love as the ultimate point of access to the highest form of self, and it requires the complete dismantling of society’s standards on how someone should look. One would even serve to benefit from the complete decentering of physical looks and attractiveness as a measure of self-worth. 

When considering the ways in which one can build self-love, people are often told to form a sense of confidence around the way that they look, but in reality, beauty and attractiveness are too relative of concepts to actually validate one’s sense of self.  

It is not a bad thing to desire beauty, or even to achieve it, but the focus should be less on how beautiful someone is, and more on the fact that one’s values, morals and mere existence are valid enough for them to be deserving of love-- especially when it comes from within.

Radical self-love challenges the typical, physique-based conceptions of self-love by placing an emphasis on action rather than feelings. It requires the choice to work on one’s mental, emotional, and physical health, while unlearning toxic habits and tendencies. Radical self-love has no particular form, as it can be employed by means of gratitude, reflection, or positive thinking. But “positivity” is not necessarily inherent in employing radical self-love.

Everyone has bad days, intrusive thoughts, and bouts of negative thinking; therefore, it would be unrealistic to assume fake optimism in the face of adversity. Instead, radical self-love means accepting that certain circumstances will not always be social media ready. It entails an understanding in the fact that it is okay to feel negative emotion as long as it is also acknowledged that those feelings will eventually pass.

Radical self-love is self-acceptance. Radical self-love is the creation and maintenance of boundaries. Radical self-love is being aware of the fact that we are all deserving of a joyous existence in which self-doubt has no agency over our actions or feelings. 

To be radical in any action is to take extreme measures for change, and in some cases, it is the complete dissolution of disease and any disease-ridden tissue within the body.

Though self-hate, insecurity, and self-deprecation are not literal diseases, they are still psychological ailments that plague the body and completely corrupt the way that individuals prioritize their health and happiness-- and they cannot be beat with that easy, aesthetically pleasing form of self-love. 

So be intentional. Be mindful. Be radical, and choose self-love as a form of radicalism.

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Mastering Forgiveness: Letting Go of Past Grudges

By: Sydni Hatley

Some of us like to hold grudges whether on purpose or not. We can’t let go of that rude thing some man said to us six weeks ago, or the pain a lover caused six years ago. We hold a grudge against that friend who slipped up a while back, or the parent who left and never came back.

We stay mad, hurt, or bothered because we have not released the pain a person caused us. We have not released the embarrassment or even the guilt from something that happened---we wish we could roll back the clock and do things differently---we live in the past. 

The purpose of forgiving is not so much for the other person, but more so for ourselves. After all, why is the person who cheated on you and hurt you so bad STILL living rent-free in your mind? Why are you replaying all of the anger and negativity you felt? A lot of it has to do with the lack of forgiveness.

We forgive ourselves in order to move forward and release the past. It is necessary to reconcile those feelings of hurt and pain, acknowledge them, and let them go. When we forgive, we open ourselves up to opportunities we would not have been able to receive by holding onto baggage from the past. Understanding the beautiful blessings that are just waiting to come your way, makes letting go of pain that much easier. 

You forgive by first fully acknowledging the hurt someone or something caused you. This is sometimes the hardest part because it is the hardest term to come to---you were hurt.

The next thing is to realize that whatever happened DOES NOT DEFINE YOU, so you should not hold onto it or the person who did it.

The last part is release, which can be achieved in various ways. For some, release can look like saying a prayer and then no longer revisiting the issue in your mind. For others, release can look like simply reaching out to the person who caused the pain, telling them where you are at, and asking them not to respond. This is more of a process for you to confront the issue head on one last time, so you can move forward. The purpose of asking the person not to respond is so they can respect your journey and leave the situation alone just as you intend to once you have said your piece.

The last thing you can try is journaling and either throwing it away, burning the words, or even keeping it. The point is to get your feelings out and leave them alone. This will allow you to be at peace in the end. 

Forgiveness is a process and it can in fact be hard to tackle. That’s why it takes discipline and time. You can’t force it. The most important thing is that you take your time to fully let go over whatever pain you’re harboring, and know that something better is waiting for you on the other side.

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You Belong in the Room: 3 Tips for Combatting Those Feelings of Not Belonging

“How could you ever feel comfortable if no matter where you went you felt like you belonged someplace else?”

— Mark Peter Hughes

By: Jamila Gomez

I have been somewhat of a loner my whole life. Growing up with certain challenges disallowed me to enjoy activities that “normal” children take for granted, like literally running around or jumping off of things on a playground. I spent some of my early childhood confined to a wheelchair and a walker. Even when I was able to gain mobility, I still couldn’t do things at the capacity of my peers.

I had other uncontrollable issues that hindered my self-esteem and confidence, thus putting a damper to develop strong friendships. I certainly had a few as a child that had carried into adulthood, which I am eternally grateful for. But for the most part, I was a loner.

As I have navigated through life, and as acceptance for that which I cannot change has slowly crept in, it hasn’t gotten much easier to develop deep connections. Much of it is low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence. It is the inability to believe I am worthy of deep connections. When the pandemic hit, I went on a quest to “find my tribe”, so to speak. I found myself searching for it on social media. I had a good time for a while, but then the reality of life started to set in.

Things were happening across the country and around the world that I couldn’t talk about in that group. Very few could really relate. And I didn’t feel truly comfortable talking about it to some of the few who could. I knew the conversations would only go so far. I felt very uncomfortable. So I uprooted myself from the places I planted myself. I did gain a few close connections for the experience, and I do mean only a few. The ones I could really talk to about life. We talk every day. But as an experience as a whole, no matter how much I wanted to, I just didn’t fit in.

Why am I saying all of this? Because many people have felt the way I do. A lot of people feel like they have no real home. They feel like they don’t belong. I’m here to tell you: I UNDERSTAND. But there is help yet! There are ways you can combat the feeling of not belonging. However, in order to combat the feelings, you have to know why you feel that way. Below, I will give you three reasons why you feel you don’t belong. Under each reason will be a tip to combat that feeling. Let’s start:

3 Reasons Why You Feel You Don’t Belong

1. Comparison

If you’re anything like me, you find yourself looking at the people around you and you start to see the moves they’re making. They have lucrative careers, spouses and families, and what appears to you to be pure happiness. You start to compare your chapter 1 to their chapter 30 and begin to feel like you’re not where you should be. But the reality is, you are right where you should be.

First of all, don’t always believe what you see. People pretend very well to have it all together when they’re dealing with some sort of issue themselves that they’re keeping a secret. Everything isn’t always what it appears to be. Second of all, who’s to say these things are not within reach? Who told you, you can’t or won’t have these things and more? Maybe it’s all on the way and you are rushing the process. Just take a deep breath and relax. Things are moving in your favor, even when it doesn’t look like it.

Combat This By: Embracing the space you’re currently in. Acknowledge that you are not where you used to be and that you are growing into more and better. Understand that, again, not everything that looks good on others is actually good. Consider that some people are putting themselves through hell just to look like they’re in heaven. You’re being protected from that whether you believe it or not. There’s no faking necessary with you. Be authentically you in full and realize that there is no one else like you and that makes you awesome.

2. Abnormalcy 

Many of us have those things about us that we feel may make it hard for people to accept us. For me, it would be Spina Bifida. It’s not fun not being able to do some of the things “normal” people can do. And it’s easy to feel like you don’t fit in with people when you’re different. I will say this, though: being different shouldn’t mean that people won’t accept you.

Even if it’s not a large number of people, it’s about the quality they bring to your life. I’d rather have 5 tight friends than 20 people that don’t truly care about my well being and only speak when they want something. You have to see being different as a blessing, even if/when it doesn’t feel like one. Ultimately, it’ll allow people who are meant for you to come.

Combat This By: Understanding that there is no such thing as “normal”. We are all different. We all have something that separates us from the pack. Whether your “different” is in the form of a disability or deformity, a height or weight insecurity, an accent, or a gap in your teeth, know that this thing is what makes you unique. Know that this is where your story lies.

You can use what makes you different as a tool to meet people just like you and help them get through the same or similar differences. The most important thing to remember is that there are people out there who do see you and they love you just the way you are. Connect with those people you already know are down for you and put your energy into them a lot more.

3. You Don’t Know Your Worth

As I stated earlier, I found myself on this quest for acceptance. I searched for a table and left each one more starving than at the one before. I was chasing acceptance and love. I put my worth in the hands of others and devalued myself. If you see yourself in this, it’s okay. Recognize and acknowledge it for what it is.

Combat This By: Doing a number of things. There are different avenues we can take to get to the place of self-love and worthiness. I say “we” because this is a journey that I am on. Tools that are effective include, but are not limited to, affirmations, mirror work, repeating scriptures (if you are spiritual), self-help books, and reaching out to people — either friends/family or a therapist. It is not easy to open up to people about these feelings, so make sure it’s someone you trust. Whatever you choose, you have to stick with it. Feeling good about yourself when you don’t won’t happen overnight. It takes work and patience. But it must be done.

Final Note: There are two very important things to keep in mind when you are on this journey of belonging. The first is that you are not alone. Your personal journey is yours, but there are people on their own personal journal to the same place. You don’t have to think that you have to deal with it alone. The second thing is that you must be kind to yourself in this space. You won’t get everything right in the beginning. It’ll be hard and you’ll face challenges and bumps in the road. Give yourself permission to mess up and grace when you actually do…because you will and it’s okay. When you finally get to the room, you’ll realize you were meant to be there.

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Setting Intentions and Living Out Your Purpose: Give Yourself Permission to be Great

“When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear and regret.”

— Shannon L. Alder

By: Jamila Gomez

We are three months into 2021 and in many cases, so much is different. 2020 beat so many of us up and smashed us to smithereens, but we’re still here. This new year gives us all an opportunity to start brand new.

A lot of people make resolutions and goals at the start of a new year. Some people have come up with a word that they will carry with them throughout the year. I have decided to join in on this particular trend, setting intentions behind the year. The word I chose for myself that I would encourage others to choose: PERMISSION.

We’ve been presented with another chance to do what we’ve been wanting to do. There are so many of us who haven’t tapped into our purpose because we haven’t given ourselves permission. Instead, we’ve looked outward. We consulted in people who have nothing to do with our purpose or progression in life and sought confirmation from them to do that which has been placed in our hearts to do. Why do we do that? Why are we asking others for permission to do what we’ve been specifically called to do?

There are certain visions and tasks that have been assigned to us. Each individual has our own specific journey to see that vision through or to make sure that task gets completed. Yet, when we begin to feel fearful or unsure, we start talking to people and asking them if we should be doing the thing. There’s nothing wrong with seeking advice. And there’s nothing wrong with needing help or a push and asking for it.

The problem is that when we start to seek out that confirmation on whether or not we’re on the right path or doing the right thing, the confirmation falls flat. We leave the conversation unsatisfied and feeling even more lost than we were before we started talking. This happens because we already know what we’re supposed to do. We already have inside of us everything we need to start. The only thing lacking is belief in self and trust in God.

Listen to me: it’s not up to anyone else to see the visions we’ve been through. It’s up to us. We can ask for help, but we have to do the work. And we can. It’s scary. But what I’ve always heard is to feel the fear and do it anyway. Take me, for example. I have this massive desire to encourage people through written words. I put what’s in my paper exactly how I feel it and pray someone receives it. But reception is what stopped me from writing in the first place.

See, I’ve been down this blogging road before. I was so concerned with numbers. I cared too much about a multitude of people reading my stuff. I took for granted the few who read everything. I didn’t realize that those few were who I was writing for. Now that I understand I won’t reach everyone, but I will reach who I am MEANT to reach, I will go forth and write what’s in my heart. It may not be perfect. It may feel redundant to some. But for those who receive it, it’s what is should be.

This grace I give myself to be free in my expression came only when I decided I was going to stop asking for permission to do what’s been placed in my heart. And now I’m writing more and letting God do the rest until He shows me what else to do.

I just want to encourage all of you to stop asking for permission to do you. It’s already in you, so you just have to let it out. Don’t worry about how you think it’ll sound or look, or whether or not the whole world will hear or see it. If only one person does, that could be the one person who will take you places you never imagined. You already have the green light. Just go and you will end up where you’re supposed to be.

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Trim Your Ends: 3 Tips to Letting Go of the Things No Longer Meant for You

By: Jamila Gomez

Ladies, you know when you go to the hairdresser to get your hair done and you get it all washed and clean? You sit under the dryer and some time and then you get your hair fixed up real pretty the way you want it. You feel like a new woman when your hair gets done, right?! Well, during this process, there is a step that is taken that we sometimes don’t give too much thought into.

That step to ensure that your hair is given new life is a trim. Your hair is carefully combed, and section by section, the trim occurs. Prior to this trim, your ends dead. If you don’t trim your ends, your hair won’t grow as healthily as it should. And just like the ends of your hair, you have dead things in your life that need a trim.

You can’t live your best, purposed life if you are still carrying with you a bunch of people, things, and circumstances that are stunting your growth. Whether it’s a toxic relationship – platonic, romantic, or family, a job that you no longer enjoy, or old thought processes that are negative in nature, we are all guilty of hanging on to dead ends.

We hold on to them because they are familiar to us, even when they don’t serve us or feel good to us. Sometimes they do feel good to us, but they are not good for us. It hurts us to let go of the things we have known for such a long time. A lot of us even appear to carry these dead things. It is very apparent in the ways we carry ourselves. You know the saying ‘Thank God I don’t look like what I’ve been through’? Some of us look like it. But you will never know true freedom until you let go of the dead things.

So, how do you do this? I’m so glad you asked. As I stated before, letting go is not easy and it sometimes painful, but it is doable. If you have the patience and the willingness – because it won’t happen overnight, as well as the knowing that it takes practice and discipline, you will be amazed at much better you will feel. Here are 3 tips to help you let go of the things no longer meant for you!

1. Introspection

You have to be willing to look deep within. Really take a look at your mindset. Are you still hanging on to traumas from childhood or events from early adulthood? Are these events keeping you from thriving? If yes, these things need to be dealt with. The best way to do this is to talk to a professional.

Now, I know that a lot of people have a very negative feeling about therapy or counseling. But this can help you sort these things out, and it may even bring up some things from within that you don’t even know are there, or perhaps you may have suppressed. But the bottom line is you can’t do this by yourself. You need to support of someone who you can be open and honest with about everything. If counseling doesn’t quite cut it for you, find someone trustworthy that you are close to who will give you the truth about everything.

2. Examine Your Circle

This is necessary because you are the company you keep. Really examine who you have around you and the influence they have on you. Be honest about it and if it’s not a positive influence they have, you need to figure out what to do about it.

One of the things I’m more mindful of is how often I argue and with whom. If I’m constantly arguing with the same person, I need to re-evaluate my relationship with that person and either find a way to stop arguing and keep that person around and sever my ties.

Same thing when it comes to people whose energy constantly brings you down. Or if they are unsupportive or stagnant. But get real and honest about your circle. If there are people that you should do without, you need to let them go.

3. Forgive yourself

This process can possibly make you feel sad or upset that you’ve held on to things for so long. Don’t put that pressure on yourself. Don’t be hard on yourself during this process. It is not easy and if you beat yourself up too much over it, you will not go through with it completely and you will go back to that familiar dead end.

I want to reiterate one more time than none of this is easy, but you can do this. In order to grow to your fullest potential, you have to trim off the dead ends. Let go of the things that keep you reaching your highest height. You will be amazed at how tall you can grow when you let the dead things go.

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The Importance of Rest: Stop Being On "Go-Mode" All The Time

By: Lauryn Bass

Society has us always on “go-mode.” Ready to make the next dollar, pushing to break the next barrier, fighting to stay on top, while competing with the accomplishments you see others post online to keep your brand relevant—even rebranding. You go from a full day of classes, to keeping in touch with your family, friends, and mentors to then applying yourself to your internship before completing homework from the day or any personal projects.

Let’s not forget balancing chores and other extracurriculars. A young adult can’t even get a break from checking their daily emails. You find yourself running out of time or diverting your attention away from your basic needs like maintaining a balanced diet and workout regimen. What’s missing?

You. Need. Rest. 

There’s a quote that I’ve seen that is super true that you should keep in mind when you’re running around all the time:

“If you don’t take a rest, your body will do it for you.”

Without proper rest, you’ll find yourself:

• Being forgetful 

• Stressing Out 

• Becoming anxious 

• Running late 

• Dozing off

• Becoming fatigued 

• Eating late

• Disrupting sleep schedule 

• Causing insomnia 

• Or event worse: causing other harmful long-term harm to your body such as hypertension, stroke, or even heart failure. 

So what to do? 

You need to get organized. Yes, you may be able to fit everything you want to do into the daytime but at night, you need to implement sleep as a priority as well. 

Super busy? 

Try napping. Though this doesn’t substitute sleep, it will help you carry-on through the week until you can at least take a day of rest. One of my favorite sermons stated, “Even God rested.”

If we are made in His image, how would we feel like we should not do the same? 

Aside from napping, you may need to let some things go. What’s for you, will come in due time. No need to rush or cram. Practice #Patience and #Mindfulness. 

Results 

It’s scientifically proven that with the proper rest, your mood will improve, as well as productivity. With everything you have on your plate, it’s to reach a goal. Let’s fuel your drive with the proper charged batteries and make it to the finish line! 

1...2...3...zzZ

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Situational Acceptance And Avoidance: Grow Through What You Go Through

By: Jordan King

As a son of the South, my life as a Brown Man has had its shares of strife. Yet, Mama told me that Life ain’t no crystal stair…to take Charge of your magic and your pen! And Most Importantly, know your worth and speak your individual truth. On the other hand, while we deal with acceptance every day, we often neglect the effect that Avoidance has within our lives. 

Personally I admit it. I have been in deep valleys, as well as graced mountaintops. To continue forward in life requires true grit, stamina and consistency. To deal with acceptance, especially after the collective experience that this past year alone has plagued us with; it’s essential to maintain hope. 

At its core, hope is both equal parts acceptance and faith. Regardless of any religion, true acceptance comes from within. We ALL deal with many issues in our individual walks, yet the true *Souljahs power on. To live is to suffer, yet we must find meaning and *happiness in the midst of the strife. 

Pertaining to those considered minorities in this countries in America (specifically those of color and indigenous); the need to attain acceptance within society is critical. While there does exist many methods of coping, systemic barriers still remain in firm foundation. Let’s be clear, I am WELL acquainted with the “action” of avoidance. Periodt! LoL. To be fair, I’m aware that we can, or should, avoid certain negative things and situation. 

Life twists and turns in ways most mysterious to man (or woman*). Yet we shall and will overcome! To avoid is to also “distract from” or to “stay away from”. Yes, MANY examples exist on positive avoidance (drugs, crime, hate, etc); and it’s also completely normal to avoid things we must face head on like schoolwork, that tough conversation or even taxes! Especially Self-care, right as we need it the most it seems. Nothing that is honestly not conducive to you personally should be avoided at all costs. My focus would then be those situations where we actually need to face, yet we either knowingly or unknowingly face them or proceed to run from.

My point is that avoidance can actually prove detrimental. We are all placed on this planet for divine purposes. We all matter and your SPIRIT has EXTREME value. Sometimes, we may tend to block our own blessings by sidestepping certain divine obstacles. When your faith is tested, and you decide to endure vs avoid…usually that which we seek is just beyond the veil. To embrace the avoidance or acceptance* is to accept your own humanity. While we ALL are divine, we can’t control everything. Simply said….Sh*t happens!

One of my many mentors said once, “You grow through what you go through”. You don’t reach your altitude until you dance with those demons. Sometime it is in fact OKAY to choose violence. It certainly seems attractive when it involves conquering that which may hold you back. We must occasionally face that which scares us. Only then will we make the step towards true wellness.

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5 Must Know Self-Care Tips: Don’t Neglect Yourself or You’ll Wreck Yourself

By: Jamila Gomez

So much has taken place over the last year. We’ve gone from one struggle to another to yet another. We’ve experienced a pandemic, which led to shut-downs, job losses, financial burdens, and deaths. We’ve witnessed civil unrest in several parts of the country and the world. All of these things added to the pile of stuff we already had to deal with in our day-to-day lives.

While we’ve been busy dealing with our stuff, one thing we forget to do is deal with ourselves. We forget to put time for self-care on our calendars. We have neglected the very thing that keeps the engine going: ourselves. 

So, what does it mean to practice self-care? It simply to care for oneself. Dictionary.com defines it as care of the self without medical or other professional consultation. Another way to put is the actions and thought processes that help promote and maintain a positive state of well-being.

So, let’s dig a bit deeper. What does self-care really look like? Well, it’s a plethora of things. It’s taking care of yourself - mind, body, and spirit. It’s being mindful of the foods we eat, the information and entertainment we take it, the conversations we have, and the company we keep. It’s taking time to pray and meditate. To exercise our bodies. To get our rest. To pamper ourselves after a long day. Or to just do absolutely nothing if we so choose.

So, do you have trouble thinking of ways to practice self-care? If you answered ‘yes’, here is a list of five things you can use to ensure that you are taking time and making the effort for some self-care.

1. Set Boundaries

Know your limits and stick to them. Don’t waver on your boundaries. It doesn’t have to be anything drastic if you don’t want to go too far. But set some boundaries for yourself. 

2. Learn To Say No

To go along with setting boundaries, another way to practice self-care is saying ‘no’. ‘No’ can have some people making us feel like it’s a nasty word. People like to make us feel guilty for saying ‘no’. But when you do it in an effort to keep inner peace, you don’t have to explain or care how they feel. It’s okay to say ‘no’.

3. Journal Writing

Take some time out of your day to write some stuff down. Whether it’s your concerns and worries or just random things, put it on paper so you can get it out of your mind.

4. Treat and Pamper Yourself

That’s right. Spoil yourself. Buy yourself something cute to wear. Or some chocolate. Or some flowers. Take a hot bath or get a massage. Go to a salon and get your hands and feet rubbed. Something that won’t break the bank but will make you feel good because you deserve it.

5. Work It Out

It can be a walk outside or something you can do from home (we’re in a pandemic and we don’t need you going to a gym because it’s not necessary or safe). If you’re like many and exercising can feel like a chore, find something that won’t feel like exercise, like dancing or Zumba. But find a way to move your body a bit because it will make you feel better. 

You see, self-care doesn’t have a one size fits all scope to it. It is whatever is best for SELF. Self-care is a conscious decision, as it can be easy for us to neglect ourselves when we’re busy taking care of others. But now is as good a time as any to start making sure we take care of self because we’re are important, too.

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Shadow Work | Going Within and Living Authentically

By: Sydni Hatley

Spirituality, “wokeness”, and self-love have become trends that millions have begun to follow. Maybe it’s for people to feel like they are a part of something substantial, or to give them a sense of direction. There are so many people on social media that claim to be spiritually enlightened, and even enough to the point where they feel they can guide the spiritual journeys of others—but this is not how spiritual journeys really work, nor should anyone believe that it takes someone else telling them what spiritual choices they need to make to help them grow personally. 

One very powerful aspect that can attest to the importance of yourself in your own spiritual journey is shadow work. Not many spiritual-enthusiasts online talk about it, but shadow work is the truth. It is ugly, it is painful, but most importantly it shows you parts of yourself you never knew you needed to understand.

Shadow work is the process of going within and literally reading yourself. It is the process of taking down any and every filter that is your ego, and forcing you to see yourself in your rawest form. Admittedly, it takes a certain level of maturity and self awareness to even get to this point...or even a level of being fed up with your own shit...to want to work on yourself and be real with whatever on the inside needs healing. 

One of the first things you can do with shadow work is begin to think about who you are. You’ll find yourself listing a lot of traits that are more based in your ego, and who you want to be or who you think you are. Make the list, nonetheless, and see what comes up. If you feel you can hold yourself accountable, you can immediately go to identifying what qualities you listed are based in an idea of yourself, vs. the reality.

Pro-tip: usually the reality of the qualities listed are normally the ones that make you uncomfortable with yourself, or make you cringe a bit—they are usually the parts of yourself you aren’t comfortable accepting (and that’s good. Keep going). Either way you will find yourself with a list and you must identify what is based on an idea of yourself, vs. what is reality. 

Once you have done this, isolate the uncomfortable qualities and be open to analyzing them. Identify what about these things makes you uncomfortable with yourself—is it a childhood memory? A story? A traumatizing experience or person? Or was it something in your upbringing that made you think and operate that way. This would also be a good time to try and start identifying your triggers as well. What about bringing up those memories in association with that listed quality makes you uncomfortable, and why? This process is meant to ultimately break you down, so that as you progress you will inevitably be building yourself back up, just in a healthier way. It may not feel that way in the thick of things but this process will make a huge difference. 

Essentially with shadow work, you are being your own therapist. It takes time and it is a process, but once you learn your triggers and analyze why you are the way you are, you can accept it and release misconceptions about yourself. You identify what makes you uncomfortable and even see how those things manifested into your ego, break that down as well, and finally start living in your truth. This process is not easy by any means, as it takes a level of vulnerability. However, the power you will feel from working on yourself and relearning how to love yourself will be worth it, with the best part being that no outside person got you there—-it was just you facing yourself.

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Mental Health Triggers: What It Really Means To Be "Triggered"

By: Lauryn Bass

It’s time for a conversation about Triggers.

What Are They?

The Oxford Dictionary defines them as: a small device that releases a spring or catch and so sets off a mechanism, especially in order to fire a gun. But we’re talking mental. When thinking about things that set you off in your mind, it could be something as simple as a word that can put you in a bad place. Wikipedia states that triggers are, “a psychological stimulus that prompts recall of a previous traumatic experience. The stimulus itself need not be frightening or traumatic and may be only indirectly or superficially reminiscent of an earlier traumatic incident, such as a scent or a piece of clothing.” 

Some examples of Triggers include: (via MentalHealth.Net)

• the anniversary dates of losses or trauma.

• frightening news events.

• too much to do, feeling overwhelmed.

• family friction.

• the end of a relationship.

• spending too much time alone.

• being judged, criticized, teased, or put down.

• financial problems, getting a big bill.

How Do They Affect People? (Short And Long term)

You know how you can smell fresh baked goods and remember that time your mom was in the kitchen with you as a child? Imagine this occurring with an unhealed memory, on a more extreme level. Depending on what may have happened, it could stay with you in your mind all day or even make you sick to your stomach. Your emotional state can affect your physical state, and even transfer to the people around you. It’s not as simple as a bad memory. According to Healthline, “Triggers affect your ability to remain present in the moment. It may bring up specific thought patterns or influence your behavior.” Triggers can come in lower level forms but also can be linked to extreme levels such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD. 

What Happens When They Occur?

Triggers can cause you to relive a past situation in the present. From the initial flashback replaying in your head, to racing thoughts about the situation, upsetting the peace within and around you, they can lead to violent outbursts, panic attacks, and all-around emotional distress. 

To cope with the trauma, many look for ways to pull them out of this void. If the wrong outlet is used, it can lead to anxiety, feeling of loneliness, eating disorders, substance abuse, or shutting the world out. 

How To Work On Them?

Remember that you’re not alone. Mental health is something that everyone has to work on to maintain. There are always good and bad days to experience but you can control your reaction and energy output in a situation. When a traumatic situation occurs, seek therapy to give special attention to your emotional needs. They can also help you work on trigger warnings. (a statement made prior to sharing potentially disturbing content)

When working on them outside of that space, try: 

• Taking a moment of silence to breathe 

• Pray for peace

• Journal your journey

• Finding ways to relax

• Perform your form of self-care

• Reach out to your friends and family

• Tell yourself everything is okay

• Exercise

• Get more rest

• Stretch

• Meditate

• Be self-aware of your feelings 

Healing. 

Things take time. The fabric of your mind can’t be physically woven back together. But you have to tackle these problems head on until things begin to hurt less and less. Triggers aren’t going to stop cold turkey, and they won’t disappear overnight. So be patient with yourself and practice the best methods to pump yourself up with positivity and continually strive to be your happiest self.

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The Importance of Alone Time: The Benefits of Being By Yourself

By: Sydni Hatley

Balancing your time is so important because it creates balance within your life as a whole. Many people operate as if they constantly need to be around others, or in the mix of the next biggest social event, but what they don’t realize is that this can actually do more damage to them long term than they might think. 

Alone time is important because it allows for self reflection, the exploration of hobbies, and overall productivity. When you feel the need to constantly be around others, you are learning codependency and forfeiting the opportunity to learn yourself instead. For example, someone may go through a tough situation in their personal life like a breakup, and constantly choose to be around other people as a source for healing. Of course spending time around friends sometimes during that period can serve as a form of uplift, but depending on the social aspect of your life after a break up and when you are hurting will only slap a band-aid on the wound--not heal it.

Time alone during this period may feel painful at first because you’ll be forced to sit with your feelings, but pushing through that pain will allow you to face it and conquer it. You won’t be able to hide from the feelings or ignore them the same way you might when you are with your friends. The balance of both is important because you obviously do not want to drown in your own feelings, but the purpose of alone time during adverse times is to learn what you need and how to help yourself when no one else is around. Time with friends and social outings are just another plus to help you get through it! 

The importance of alone time also includes learning yourself. They say that you have reached a true level of maturity when you are able to do things by yourself and be comfortable with it. Alone time allows you to slow down, reflect, and get things done that you otherwise wouldn’t if you were always out at the latest function. Many associate acceptance and enthusiasm for alone time with maturity because it is a time for you to get the work done that most people don’t want to do.

This includes but is not limited to internal work necessary for personal growth, the actual work you do in your career, and even physical activities that aren’t fun but will keep you healthy all around. Comfortability with alone time also signifies maturity because it shows that you are secure within yourself. You enjoy your own company and do not need other people to be happy, but can take company if it comes as well. 

Spending time alone when you haven’t before can seem intimidating and even boring in the beginning. However, once you get comfortable and take the time to explore your hobbies and the things that make you who you are, you may never want to stop! You do not need to be alone all of the time, as too much of anything is never a good thing. However, the point is to find balance in how you spend your time, as that will create more balance in your life as a whole.

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