“You Always Got Something to Say!”: 4 Tips For Handling Negative People
By: Jamila Gomez
We all have at least one. You know – that one family member or friend that always has something negative to say about you or someone else! Always criticizing! How do you handle their negative comments?
I don’t know who needs to hear this, and I know it’s hard, but you don’t have to resort to arguing, fussing, or fighting when amongst negative people. I believe wholeheartedly in this one sentiment: you are solely responsible for what YOU say, not how people take it. And vice versa. You are only in control of your emotions towards their words and their actions.
If you have trouble trying not navigate relationships between you and negative people to whom you are close, try these techniques:
1. Don’t Take It Personal
It’s easy to get defensive when someone judges us, says something that offends us, or is unkind. You may feel attacked and vulnerable, but the key is to remember that their opinion is just that – their opinion. It is not a fact or something set etched in stone. So don’t take it that way.
* Always remember that negative comments speak louder about the mind of the person saying them than they do about you. It’s called projection. People tend to project the thoughts they think of themselves onto other people. They do this because it's easy for them and it takes the focus off of their own issues.
2. Know Your Triggers
Triggers are things that can set you off. We know that there are certain things that people can do or say to us that truly set us off. By becoming aware of your triggers, you can learn to notice when others are "pushing your buttons" and consciously calm yourself to keep from responding.
Family members are usually aware of your triggers, so they know how to hurt you easily. It's important to avoid letting them have this power over you. Close friends can do this well also.
3. Share How You Feel
Sometimes the people who are hurting us don’t know they are hurting us. Sometimes they think they’re doing us a favor by pointing out what they think is wrong with us.
Let them know that it doesn’t help when they do this and they either need to find more kind words or not speak at all.
4. Set Clear Boundaries
You can teach others how to treat you by setting clear boundaries. Let them know that you won't accept some things. They will eventually get used to you standing up for yourself. And if they can’t, then you can let them know they don’t have to stick around.
Be prepared to take action if they overstep these boundaries. In this case, you may have to cut off contact with them or take other measures to let them know that you're serious about the boundaries.
* You can't control everyone, but you can make it clear that you won't tolerate rude or negative comments.
** Also: Even though you may feel obligated to spend time with your family, you don't have to spend time with people who hurt you on a regular basis. You deserve to be treated well, regardless of your relationship.
If those closest to you are constantly being negative towards or about you, it would behoove you to learn how to deal with them. It's not an easy process, but it's important for your own sanity and well-being to manage your emotions and their comments.
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