Becoming Resilient: Blessing The World With Your Gifts
True satisfaction in life arises when you get out of your own path and be that change which you’d like to see in your world. It starts with being resilient to being your true self. Here is a good read to remember to be you!
By: Jordan King
Nothing worth lasting has ever been accomplished overnight. Time is both a healer and revealer, especially if you settle yourself to know when to pause; and when to act during the course of your journey.
1. Resilience In Life
When I think of resilience in life, it goes beyond faking it till you make it. Even perseverance isn’t a good fit. The ability to go through a single day and then repeat is a reward in itself. To be able to live in your truth while surrounded by influences that try to keep you bound to who you were; rather than whom you have become. In realizing that collectively, all people are experiencing a life where meaning is illusive, therefore constant questions continue to remain.
Nobody ever truly figures is out, the game changes every year. When thinking on how to navigate these waters, there are also not many clear answers. Every situation requires a different approach & different things work for different people. That leaves following outside examples as a better way to achieve that which you seek.
2. Learning From Peers
By simply learning about people for whom you can either relate to or admire, their own blueprint can lead to far fewer personal mistakes. Also, this applies to any person, famous or community known, even a relative. Guides are all around us as long as we discern what’s best for our own path. True satisfaction in life arises when you get out of your own path and be that change which you’d like to see in your world.
Naturally, we’re not always going to have good days. It ebbs and flows and sometimes can seem never-ending. However, just as with nature, it’s a part of life that has to be managed in some respects. Finding healthy outlets or even what matters to you personally is necessary to staying afloat through the many stages we experience. This too shall pass is often thrown around, yet time is a healer in many cases. Sometimes, patience mixed into the process produces unexpected and welcome moments.
3. Time is Limited
Our time on Earth is limited by nature, and ancestors from long a time past have come through centuries of challenges; just for YOU to exist in the here and now. Why not take advantage of your gift? With so much going on outside, it can get weary, but the sun has to shine eventually right? See, to be resilient is deeper than just existing. It’s that spark that keeps your inner light alive even when it seems it’s most dim from afar. More than a purpose, but like a sustaining force to keep us fighting towards our goals day by day.
It’s not just about making it to the top; the environment is the ultimate goal. What kind of way of life makes sense to you? Could it be living in sync with your purpose while also giving back & building your community? Or even just doing your own thing! That ability to create your future is the most powerful ability granted to us. We only owe it to ourselves to make the most of it!
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3 Tips For Scripting The Life That You Want: Life Changing Affirmations
Living the life that you desire is all about intention, speaking what you want to happen, and living accordingly. Here are 3 tips for scripting the life that you want using affirmations!
By: Omar Cook
A world full of distractions and unexpected life changes can make creating the life you want seem impossible…but it’s more than possible. Living the life that you desire is all about intention, speaking what you want to happen, and living accordingly.
Of course we hear about speaking things into existence, law of attraction, and affirmations everywhere, but how does it all work exactly? Truth is, this universe is a magical place, and words are spells, hence the word “SPELL-ing”. When you speak words, you are literally casting spells so it’s important for your words to have intention and to say exactly what you want and mean.
The power that we possess with our words is something that’s not truly taught in schools, but it’s something that everyone needs to understand. You can really become anything you desire in this life, if that’s what you believe. Here are 3 tips for scripting the life that you want using affirmations!
1. Journal Writing
Writing in a journal can be life changing for a number of reasons. You can clearly see your thoughts and understand where you are mentally. Also writing things down, whether goals or just thoughts makes them real.
Every morning, start with two pages in your journal. Write the date at the top of each page so you can keep track of your progress. On page 1 for the day, you will write exactly what you want to happen in your life as if you are already experiencing in present time. If you desire a certain career, write about how thankful you are to be experiencing your new job, the work environment, the salary, etc. Gratitude is a MAJOR factor in attracting things that you want into your life. Personally, I start my journal entry with “Thank you God for another day.” I am immediately expressing gratitude.
This is called script writing. You are literally writing out the script for your life by writing what you are thankful for in present tense, everyday. This is how you become the author of your life and reclaim your time. After a while, this will become second nature to you and speaking positively over life and expressing gratitude will literally become a part of you.
On the second page, devote this page to nothing but affirmations. I begin my affirmations with “I am thankful for…” I am is one of the most powerful statements that you can say in this life because you are literally telling yourself who you are. Write every affirmation in the present tense as if you are currently experiencing it. You have to literally claim things as yours for it to appear in your life. Applying this journal technique of script writing and affirmations will change your life drastically if you do this consistently.
2. Record Audio of Your Affirmations
Have you ever listened to a YouTube video of affirmations? That’s cool, that’s positive, but what if you could listen to your own voice speaking the exact affirmations that you wanted? This is exactly what you need to do.
Using the same affirmations that you wrote in your journal, maybe even add a few more and record yourself speaking your own affirmations. If you have a Mac book, you can use GarageBand to record, and you can download a free instrumental on YouTube using a YouTube video converter, then import the instrumental into GarageBand to play with your affirmations. Adding a nice instrumental to your own affirmations will make it more pleasing for you to listen to. You can export the track from GarageBand, and upload to YouTube as a private video that only you can listen to.
Listen to this recording every morning to start your day, before you turn on any other kind of music. You will literally program yourself with your affirmations. This is a positive way to start the day and it works wonders for your mindset. And anytime you feel the need for reassurance or to pick yourself up, you can turn on your own track and listen to yourself.
3. Text Yourself Affirmations
Create a list of affirmations in a text for yourself, maybe 10-15 affirmations. They could be the same affirmations you used in your journal and audio recording. At the top of the list, write the month and include a word to the describe the month, for example “Make It Happen March" or “Just Do It June”. Text yourself this list of affirmations 3x a day, morning, afternoon, and night.
Doing this every single day will constantly reaffirm to yourself exactly who you are and what you want to happen. This is a game changer.
No one on this earth has the power to change your life but you and it’s up to you to reprogram yourself from the social distractions and nonsense that is fed to you everyday. Creating the life you want literally begins with the way you speak about yourself and then living what you speak. Applying these 3 techniques to your daily routine will be a life changing experience. I hope you’re ready.
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Staying Present and Grounded: Embracing Your Current Reality
It’s essentially impossible to create the person you want to become while weighed down by either the past or even regrets. The future is dependent on your ability to embrace your current reality. Here’s why staying present and grounded can help you manifest the ideal version of yourself!
By: Jordan King
You know…..honestly? I’m tired of the wasting energy on idea of things that I can’t change. Tired of thinking about things that are unattainable. Tired of losing sleep over situations that don’t exist anymore; or honestly don’t even hold any kind of weight in this season of life that’s being lived right now. Especially blocking my own blessings or even not being ready to hold them because I’m tied to the past!
I’m ready to think and act on the reality manifesting RIGHT NOW. What is it that can be molded and shaped currently with just some effort, some patience and of course, a dab of creativity? Nothing but the Present!
Think of your ideal version of yourself. Your wants and needs, passions and dreams. All of that exists both within you and requires a level of manifestation for you to “see” this person. While lessons and memories of the past shape and guide you through life, it’s essentially impossible to create the person you want to become while weighed down by either the past or even regrets. The future is dependent on your ability to embrace your current reality.
The idea of grounding is all about building strong connections both within and outside of your own reality. Connecting back to self and staying true to what means the most to you (values, morals, principles). Now, the past being something negative, or even something that you would want to run away from, is by no means what I’m trying to get across. Almost like an anchor; the present is solid and here to keep you in check! Constantly living, growing and even learning. It is up to you to embrace all that is around you. Not only for your benefit, yet also for the benefit of others.
I’ve often found even in times of storms and strife, focusing on that in front of me, the present, which is here….often, brings a sense of comfort. Just knowing there is a level of control within the here and now that always exists is refreshing.
The road to self-confidence and control is long, yet worth the travel. Every day we’re faced with reminders and tethers that attempt to pull us back into ruts or non-constructive modes of thought. It may even seem inviting, not to have to be strong or trailblazing all the time. To step back from the fight and allow your dreams to go unrealized. That of course, would be an insult to the divine purpose you hold…so continue the mission because we’re all dependent on your passions.
Everything you’ve attained and accomplished in the future hinges on the kind of person you are, as well as the decisions you’re making today. That’s not to add any pressure to “doing the right thing”, just to provide perspective. You are allowed to wake up and change course. You are supposed to test and tinker YOUR process to see how things work for you in your universe. This is ultimately your book and you can choose or replace any character at will. While reclaiming your time and pen; don’t overlook the power you hold over your own outcomes!
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12 Signs That You’re Doing Better Than You Think
It’s not uncommon for anyone to think they’re doing worse than they actually are, especially when things aren’t going according to the plan we set out for our lives. Here are 12 signs that you’re doing better than you think!
By: Jamila Gomez
It’s not uncommon for anyone to think they’re doing worse than they actually are, especially when things aren’t going according to the plan we set out for our lives. Some of us are just pessimistic. Progress can also be hard to see sometimes unless you’re looking in the right places for it.
If you feel like you’re working hard with little to show for it, you’re probably mistaken. It’s likely that you’re doing a lot better than you think!
Here are 12 signs that you’re doing better than you think!
1. You Learn The Lesson That Each Mistake And Failure Provide
If you can learn something from every failure and mistake, it won’t take long before you’re incredibly successful. Most people repeat their errors over and over, whether it’s overspending or choosing a partner. People have a strong tendency to repeat their behaviors. But you can choose to act differently than you did the last time you were in a similar situation!
2. You’re Clear On What You Want
This can be half the battle. You have a huge advantage over the competition if you know what you want. Most people are aimlessly floating through life.
3. You Spend Your Time Wisely
Spend your time well and good things happen. Spend your time poorly and your life will be a train wreck. When deciding what you’re going to do next, ask yourself what the best use of your time would be. Then, do it.
4. You’re Making Regular Progress
Consistent progress is a great sign. Even if you feel like you’re lightyears from your goal, all you need is regular progress. Many people have been dieting for years and haven’t lost a single pound. Even a pound of weight loss each month is meaningful over a period of time.
5. You’re Consistent In Your Efforts.
Successful people put in some work on a daily basis. Success isn’t about working really hard for a day here and there. Being consistent in your efforts also means that you’re sticking to your goals. Working for a week on one goal and then changing your mind and working on something else is a path to nowhere.
6. You’re Not Alone
There are people that are alone in the world. If you’re not alone, you’re doing better than many others.
7. You’re Optimistic
When you’re optimistic, there’s hope. When you’re optimistic, you’ll take action. Conversely, when your expectations are low, you quickly become stuck, because you believe your efforts will be a waste of time.
8. You’re Determined
Commitment is a great sign that you’re going places. Good things happen when you’re determined.
9. You’re Not Worried About The Opinions Of Others
If you care too much about what others think, you’ll prefer to play it safe, and you won’t do anything significant. You can leave them and their opinions in the dust behind you!
10. You Have A Dry, Warm Place To Sleep
If you’ve ever had to go without this, you know how nice this is. If you don’t have to deal with this situation, then you’re doing better than you think.
11. You Have A Job
A steady income is a great thing. Many people either can’t find work or are unable to maintain employment. Even if you’re earning less than you’d like, it’s a lot better than earning nothing at all.
12. You’re Healthy
If you’re basically healthy, you have a huge leg up on a lot of people. Good health is a huge blessing.
Our society is easy in many ways and quite challenging in others. A high priority is placed on success, but there are other things that are also important. Friends, a warm bed, and a job are pretty relevant, too.
If you’re clear on what you’re trying to accomplish, and you’re spending your time wisely, you’re doing quite well. This is true even if the results haven’t revealed themselves yet. Have faith!
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The Art Of Being Bold: How To Exude Your Natural Confidence
Within each of us lies gifts and talents that no one can match or compare to! Be bold in your cause as this world depends on your unique gifts and what it is that only you can offer! We discuss it here!
By: Jordan King
The art of being bold is something that has been explored for generations; however even in modern times we are still trying to understand how to both tap into and retain just who we individually are within our society. Even if that same society would sometimes expect us be meek, in terms of not being able to realize who we truly are in our abilities. However, being bold is also being confident, being selflessly selfish, to know you’re walking in the path that will produce your own results that were meant ONLY for you.
I think at some points we all struggle with the idea of exuding our natural confidence. Within each of us lies gifts and talents that no one can match or compare to; we are all individually unique and purposeful. Within my own life I’ve seen so many examples of people who have stood strong and tall in the face of adversity. Just from knowing them personally, I was genuinely amazed at their various strengths and fortitude; which allowed them to be able to be present while going through so much behind the scenes.
Now don’t get me wrong, to be bold is not to be reckless! Sense may not always be common; however discernment is vital in making decisions; as well as also learning to be in the moment. Not allowing an opportunity pass you by because you don’t think the time is right or you don’t think that you’re ready isn’t always ideal. You are always in a position to advance yourself in whatever area it is that you’re trying to achieve.
To move in your purpose isn’t easy; know that everything you desire won’t materialize overnight. Fearlessness is developed and practiced. Consistency and dedication to both your goals and most importantly yourself, will produce the results you seek. That internal flame is still burning, ready to push and motivate others with that unique light. We encapsulate action. Stagnancy isn’t evil, only quitting is devilish & discord lies in the details. Focus on your divinity & stay in motion to receive answers and accept, yet don’t absorb, all perspectives.
Even when faced with stagnation or procrastination, or plagued with doubt or uncertainty, facing jealousy or fear; continue to be bold in your cause since this world depends on your unique gifts and what it is that only you can offer. Blaze the trail with which you want to walk and be unapologetic and how you do it, because you know what you want to do AND you know how you want to do it.
Release the idea and feeling of fear, especially when you’re confronted with things that will in fact elevate you into that next phase of life or the next era that you have been praying and waiting for. Nobody ever said to be inconsiderate or disrespectful get there is a way to move in your purpose and not seem selfish conceited. This life is yours to do with what you called for, why not step up and answer?
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Rise Up! 4 Tips For Bouncing Back from Discouragement
When the results you hope for don’t manifest the way you want, this can sometimes leave you questioning your self-worth and abilities. Here are 4 tips for bouncing back from discouragement!
By: Jamila Gomez
Life isn’t always what you expect it to be, is it? When the results you hope for don’t manifest themselves, this can sometimes leave you questioning your self-worth and abilities. It's easy to fall into that trap of discouragement.
The good news is that you can also get yourself right out of that melancholy mood!
Whenever you’re down in the dumps, it's important that you take action to start feeling better about yourself. Dwelling on the negative and remaining in a depressed state is unhealthy. After a while, you’ll feel like you’re moving backward instead of forward. This makes it challenging to get back to a positive mindset.
Here are 4 tips for bouncing back from discouragement!
1. Reflect on Past Successes.
If you're honest with yourself, you'll begin to realize that you've enjoyed many successes in the past. Reflect on how great you felt when you earned something you worked extremely hard for. Think about the impact you've had on your peers when you accomplished something that they all would've loved to accomplish themselves.
2. Know That You're Uniquely Created.
You have a special blend of talents, abilities, personality, appearance, and purpose that is different from everyone else on the planet. There is no one else like you and that’s a wonderful thing! Remember times in the past when you came up with your own solution to a challenge that made things better for you or those around you. Since you're the only person like you around, why not focus on your unique abilities and put those to work to evoke positive change in your life? Setting your new ideas in motion will go a long way toward restoring your self-confidence.
3. Do Something You're Good At.
A sure way to boost how you feel about yourself is to do something you already know you're good at. Having even a small success is a great way to build reassurance and focus on the positive. It's okay to need that self-reassurance from time to time. It's a challenging time in a tough world, and it's easy for outside influences to dampen your drive. Remind yourself that you're a star in a part of the sky where nobody else shines quite as bright. Proving to yourself that you can do something often gives you just enough motivation to get past that rough patch.
4. Make Someone Else Feel Special.
Making a positive impact on someone else's life is one of the most empowering and uplifting experiences you can have! Try volunteering at a local agency that helps those less fortunate than you. So many lives need a caring touch. Taking the opportunity to help them will enable you to feel that much more worthy. Encouraging another person who lacks self-esteem can bring the kind of inner satisfaction which allows you to see your own true purpose. In fact, you may sometimes forget about your own hardships for a while because you're so focused on helping someone else overcome theirs.
Try not to dwell on the negative feelings you might have about yourself. Instead, celebrate all the great qualities you have inside and share those with the world. Take the time to reflect on your blessings and you'll begin to see for yourself how awesome and special you really are.
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The TRUTH About CONFRONTATION: Speak What You Need
Confrontation does NOT have to be drama-filled and small things grow into bigger things when you don't tackle it head-on at the start. Don’t be afraid to be bold in saying what you need! We discuss it here!
By: Jamila Gomez
I recently started a life coaching practice. Since I’ve started, and even a multitude of times before, I've had numerous conversations with people of all walks of life and one of the things that comes up quite a bit comes in the context of standing up for oneself. They have an issue with a person or people, but they don’t say anything to that person or people. So many people are letting people walk all over them, staying silent about the things they need, desire, and deserve because they "don't like confrontation". And I’m just gonna say it…
STOP DOING THAT!!!!!!
When people think of confrontation, it’s usually connected to some sort of trauma or negative experience from one’s past. They spoke up about something that bothered them and the other person made them feel small or silly because of it. So, ever since, they’ve lived a life of holding everything inside to keep from feeling that negative emotion attached to speaking. It’s unfortunate, but this is how it is for so many people.
Confrontation does NOT have to be drama-filled. It doesn't have to consist of hollering, arguing, fussing and fighting, and getting in each other's faces. I understand that there is a fear of hurting someone's feelings, having had bad experiences in the past, or even lacking the confidence. Some of you may even be struggling to put into perspective what you truly need or want. Perhaps you feel like you may be overreacting by speaking up about something "small". I GET IT!!!!
But here's the thing. Small things grow into bigger things when you don't tackle it head-on at the start. The other part of it is knowing that what may be small to someone else is obviously something big for you, or else you wouldn’t be bothered by it. And like I said before, it doesn't have to be a big nasty production. Just sit down like adults and have a civil conversation with each other. Maybe you can write down some bullet points so you can stay on track with what you need to say. But you mustn't stay silent about what matters to you any longer.
The more you speak up and speak out, the more confident you will become. Not only that, but confrontation allows each person to be heard and for each person to listen. That is the only way anything will mend. You cannot expect things to magically disappear if you don't address it. You have to get to a point where you can be the bigger person. Get it out of your mind by letting it out of your mouth. Don’t be afraid to be bold in saying what you need. No one is a mind reader. So you need to get clear on what it is that you do need.
But the bottom line is that it doesn’t have to be some dramatic production. And if it ends up being that, perhaps a professional is necessary. Otherwise, set the intention that it’ll go smoothly with just talking. It’s okay if passion takes control and voices raise occasionally. At the end of the day, you have to be brave enough to speak what you need, or else, you’d never get it.
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Following Your Own Path: Life Is Not One Size Fits All
Before you give people advice, just remember that life is not one size fits all. Not everyone can follow your path precisely, and it’s not fair to expect them to. We discuss it here!
By: Kwana Adams
If you’re someone who found yourself in a better place of circumstance, or you were fortunate to receive a promotion, a lot of money, lost a lot of weight, etc., first, let me say congratulations, and I’m really proud of you. Hard work does pay off, and you’re an example of that. However, what worked for you may not work for others, and it’s essential to keep that in mind.
Giving people advice to follow precisely in your footsteps isn’t exactly ideal. There are many other outside factors to consider. Some people don’t have the same money or resources as you. That can make it difficult for them to change their circumstances. You need money to make money, and if having cash helped you get to where you are, how can you offer advice to someone who doesn’t have any?
If you had work done on your body, you can’t tell people that they can get into the gym and receive the same results. First of all, it’s dishonest, and second of all, genetics come into play a lot in how people lose and gain weight. If your parents could pay your way through school to graduate and get a good position, how can you offer advice to someone who has to get everything on their own or doesn’t have parents who have money? If you don’t have children and can spend selfishly, how can you advise people with children to do the same?
Now, I’m not saying you can’t offer advice or detail your complete plan for anyone, but I just think it’s best not to tell people that it will definitely work for them when it probably won’t. The main thing I like to remember before I give people advice is that I am fortunate to have what I have, and some people do not have the same opportunities or resources I’ve been afforded.
Hard work is not the only way to succeed. It is the best way, but I can tell you so many stories of times I’ve worked hard and didn’t get what I wanted. I was miserable and confused because I worked so hard. Why didn’t I get the thing I wanted? Why didn’t I get the job I was so sure I was going to get? I realized that sometimes things are just not meant for me, and that’s just life.
The universe had something better in store for me, and I just had to be patient. So for me to just say, “work hard!” is just not realistic when things don’t always turn out as planned. I try to apply this same kind of thinking before I offer my two cents. Yes, I can tell people exactly how I got to where I got while also keeping in mind that my path is mine and no one else’s. You can take what I gave you and tailor it yourself and to your life situations, creating a path that’s yours and no one else’s.
So before you give people advice, just remember that life is not one size fits all. Not everyone can follow your path precisely, and it’s not fair to expect them to. There are a lot of questions that need to be asked before we can help people. Just remember to be mindful that you may have privileges that others don’t when you’re providing advice to them. Or, if you’re not sure if anyone would receive your advice very well, you can simply just mind your business until they ask.
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Faking the Funk: 7 Signs You're Dealing With Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome can be brought on by how others perceive us and the words they speak over and about us. Here are 7 signs you’re dealing with imposter syndrome and 4 tips to overcoming it!
By: Jamila Gomez
Have you ever felt like you didn’t deserve the life you currently live? You have a great career, a loving spouse, and a healthy family. You may even be the boss at your company. Or the go-to person for a particular topic or specialty. You have all of these awesome things going on in your life, but you don’t feel like you truly earned it. You don’t feel qualified. You feel like you had to become someone else in order to live this life. And you have to stay that someone else to maintain it, or else it’ll all fall apart. Sound familiar?
If you said yes to any of this or if any of it rings any bells, you, my friend, are dealing with imposter syndrome.
You know that you are dealing with imposter syndrome when you question what you’re capable of. If you feel like you’re not being true to yourself or like the good that has happened is due to random luck or it was just out of the blue as opposed to the skills you have and the work you’ve put in, that’s imposter syndrome.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but this type of irrational thinking can have a negative impact on your health, your relationships, and your career. And not only can it affect you, but it can affect those closest to you. And while it’s true that imposter syndrome can be brought on by how others perceive us and the words they speak over and about us, oftentimes, it comes from the way we feel about ourselves as well.
It’s a lie that we tell ourselves based on the way we feel about ourselves. And because we spend so long believing this lie, it turns into somewhat of a reality. Meaning, it manifests in ways that confirm our thoughts. For example, if you believe the lie that you’ll never get married, you may end up not meeting the person you should spend your life with because you spoke that thought into existence. You put it out into the atmosphere.
Sometimes it’s not as easy to spot in ourselves, but a tell-tell sign that you deal with imposter syndrome is if you are hyper-achieving. A lot of us feel like we have to accomplish great things in order to be seen as important or valuable. We place our value on what we think we’re capable of and whether or not we can make something happen.
Signs of Impostor Syndrome
A way to find out if you are indeed dealing with imposter syndrome, there are questions that you can ask yourself:
Do you believe you don't deserve to be happy or successful?
Do you accept compliments well?
Do you always doubt your own abilities?
Do you expect too much of yourself?
Do you have a low sense of self-worth?
Do you often allow your mind to wander down a negative road about your life/career?
Are you afraid of being unaccepted if people uncovered the real you?
If you answered yes to these questions, it’s okay. It’s not abnormal to doubt yourself every once in a while. If you make it a habit, there are ways that you can overcome it.
Talk To A Professional
Sometimes these things aren’t as easy to deal with on our own as we’d like them to be. Speaking to a professional is totally okay. No shame in that game!
Rethink Your Goals
Having goals is great and it’s necessary, but you need to make sure those goals are realistic and attainable. Don’t overdo it. One step at a time.
Reshape Your circle
Sometimes these irrational thoughts can come from the people we surround ourselves with. Make sure you reshape your circle with people who support the real you; not the you, you pretend to be.
STOP COMPARING!!!!
The main issue attached to imposter syndrome is that people are constantly comparing themselves to others. The more you use other people’s rulers to measure your own life, the more you’ll fail to measure up.
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“You Always Got Something to Say!”: 4 Tips For Handling Negative People
We all have at least one. You know – that one family member or friend that always has something negative to say about you or someone else! Here are 4 tips for dealing with negative people!
By: Jamila Gomez
We all have at least one. You know – that one family member or friend that always has something negative to say about you or someone else! Always criticizing! How do you handle their negative comments?
I don’t know who needs to hear this, and I know it’s hard, but you don’t have to resort to arguing, fussing, or fighting when amongst negative people. I believe wholeheartedly in this one sentiment: you are solely responsible for what YOU say, not how people take it. And vice versa. You are only in control of your emotions towards their words and their actions.
If you have trouble trying not navigate relationships between you and negative people to whom you are close, try these techniques:
1. Don’t Take It Personal
It’s easy to get defensive when someone judges us, says something that offends us, or is unkind. You may feel attacked and vulnerable, but the key is to remember that their opinion is just that – their opinion. It is not a fact or something set etched in stone. So don’t take it that way.
* Always remember that negative comments speak louder about the mind of the person saying them than they do about you. It’s called projection. People tend to project the thoughts they think of themselves onto other people. They do this because it's easy for them and it takes the focus off of their own issues.
2. Know Your Triggers
Triggers are things that can set you off. We know that there are certain things that people can do or say to us that truly set us off. By becoming aware of your triggers, you can learn to notice when others are "pushing your buttons" and consciously calm yourself to keep from responding.
Family members are usually aware of your triggers, so they know how to hurt you easily. It's important to avoid letting them have this power over you. Close friends can do this well also.
3. Share How You Feel
Sometimes the people who are hurting us don’t know they are hurting us. Sometimes they think they’re doing us a favor by pointing out what they think is wrong with us.
Let them know that it doesn’t help when they do this and they either need to find more kind words or not speak at all.
4. Set Clear Boundaries
You can teach others how to treat you by setting clear boundaries. Let them know that you won't accept some things. They will eventually get used to you standing up for yourself. And if they can’t, then you can let them know they don’t have to stick around.
Be prepared to take action if they overstep these boundaries. In this case, you may have to cut off contact with them or take other measures to let them know that you're serious about the boundaries.
* You can't control everyone, but you can make it clear that you won't tolerate rude or negative comments.
** Also: Even though you may feel obligated to spend time with your family, you don't have to spend time with people who hurt you on a regular basis. You deserve to be treated well, regardless of your relationship.
If those closest to you are constantly being negative towards or about you, it would behoove you to learn how to deal with them. It's not an easy process, but it's important for your own sanity and well-being to manage your emotions and their comments.